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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by YWIR View Post
    I swear there was another thread like this about an ENFP whining about her INTP boyfriend who forgets that she exists all the time.
    It really isn't nice to be ignored by someone who was once paying attention to you regularly.

    I personally hate being ignored. I prefer for people to tell me straight out, "I hate you" or "I am seeing someone else, go away" than ignore me. Being ignored is hell on earth.

    OP, I don't know, you really should ask him directly.

  2. #12
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YWIR View Post
    I swear there was another thread like this about an ENFP whining about her INTP boyfriend who forgets that she exists all the time.
    Nothing like sweet, high-pitched XNFP whine.

    To the OP, I don't think his feelings have changed. INTPs don't usually feel the need to do these kinds of things. When someone isn't physically there, the relationship usually doesn't get priority status. It gets holding pattern status.

    And forget about being gentle or indirect. It almost never works. If my INFP hadn't finally said, "Dammit, I need to talk to you!", I would have been fine with just a couple of weekly emails and holding pattern status. He had to let me know it wasn't good enough for him to feel connected. Even so, it was difficult for me to do it.

    I hope your time flies by quickly and you can be together again soon.

  3. #13
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    Good lord.

    Give the poor introvert a break.

    Perhaps he needs some time to catch up with his World of Warcraft friends.

  4. #14
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    To the OP. Not to lump all INT's into one basket, but from my experience they're not big on small talk. If he's reached out to you through email/messaging, that's not too bad. They're just usually not great communicators. Try and stay busy and see how things are when you get back. Don't sit by the phone.

    Also, this.
    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    You're not necessarily doing anything wrong. In my experience this is just how INTPs can get when they no longer SEE the person they're interested in; they sort of just concern themselves with other things. I did nearly the exact same thing when I went to college to the girl I left at home and it took me a couple months to really figure how to manage the long distance thing without the other person feeling unconnected and resentful. It really can be that easy to "switch it off" as you say.

    Or, he could just be leading you on to avoid a negative confrontation and/or keep his options open but you'd probably have a better feeling of that than I would. In any case, you need to make it clear that as it is, his behavior isn't acceptable and if he wants to continue the good times and hand holding he needs to make an effort to make feel a little more connected.

  5. #15
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    The problem is that you are in a long-distance relationship right now. If he's normally attentive then it should go back to normal when you return.

  6. #16
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    Have you tried skyping each other? That is great when you have to be apart.

  7. #17
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    In my experience this is just how INTPs can get when they no longer SEE the person they're interested in; they sort of just concern themselves with other things. I did nearly the exact same thing when I went to college to the girl I left at home and it took me a couple months to really figure how to manage the long distance thing without the other person feeling unconnected and resentful. It really can be that easy to "switch it off" as you say.
    Quote Originally Posted by kelric View Post
    The only other thing I have to add is that there are a lot of INTP's (particularly men?) who really don't care for phone and even text conversations. Especially if the geographical separation is temporary (and the month of your business trip is definitely temporary), he may just figure "yes, I miss her, but she'll be home in a few weeks", and just leave it at that.
    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    It really isn't nice to be ignored by someone who was once paying attention to you regularly.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tigerlily View Post
    They're just usually not great communicators.
    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    The problem is that you are in a long-distance relationship right now. If he's normally attentive then it should go back to normal when you return.
    All of these things. It is *incredibly* frustrating to be in a long-distance relationship with an INTP. When you are not physically in front of them, they forget you exist (at least they act that way). Although when things died between myself and the INTP I was with, it was pretty obvious that he had "checked out" of the relationship and was just going through the motions, which drove me nuts and forced me to call it off. Of course that makes me the "bad one" because I didn't want to "work on it", even though he already said that he "didn't have the energy" to put into the relationship anymore. Because apparently it really is that difficult to make a phone call, text someone, or send an e-mail to say "Hello, I love you!".

    Depending on how temporary this separation is, would determine what I would do in your position. Maybe it's just my mindset right now, but I would let him go for the time being and see how he is when you return. It's really *not* worth begging for basic communication from your partner, especially when there are other people immediately around you willing to give you much more than the time of day.

  8. #18
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    I dislike both small talk and phones. As a result, I don't call people often, and how often I call someone has no bearing on how much I value the relationship.

    This isn't something I have any intention of changing in a dramatic way (because I find phone calls annoying and exhausting), and I probably wouldn't respond particularly well to someone trying to force the issue. It's like insisting that an extrovert must spend a set amount of time not socializing.

    If you want to date someone who wants to spend significantly more time on the phone with you, you should probably be dating someone else rather than trying to change this person.

  9. #19
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    If it were me, I'd just wait to see what it's like when you're together again. Maybe he finds it hard to stay emotionally open when you're away because it feels weird for him? I've heard that from an INTP before. And an INTJ. Personally, I'd try to understand him on his terms (how he works, if you can eventually speak the same relationship language) before you make any big decisions about the future of your relationship. There again, if it's unbearable for you, perhaps he can't fulfill your needs.

    I do think introverts understand each other a little better on this score... It feels just like they say IME - i.e. already highly stimulated and need to retreat to the serenity of one's inner world. My own lack of contact with my own loved ones is not meant at all to be a personal slight. Time and space exist a little differently when you're in your own head. I have heard from a few INT men that it's really hard to maintain a connection at a distance when the main grounding element is physical presence. Especially early on in a relationship.

  10. #20
    Anew Leaf
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    Hey look, another thread about INTP men and how difficult it is to understand them.

    *mystified*

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