[Fi] I'm worthless and self-destructive

[think2much]

Why can't I do anything right? A simple task like washing dishes or anything takes a lot of toll on me. Any small type of work I stress about it and self-destruct. I always been this way since a kid, never did anything, never had good grades, never listend to parents, just living inside my head. It's like a war in my head but at the same time I space out in reality. Do everyone have a talent or some sort of a gift in life? I can't think of anything besides being negative and cynical. I spend most of my days fantasizing about romance worthless stuff that'll never be reality.

I been trying to help around the house by doing chores but nothing gets done. I'm tired of my parents wasting money on me and I feel terrible just taking stuff. I wanna be able to help them but I can't. I know they don't have a lot of money so I feel like it's a waste to spend it on someone like me. I think I gave up on myself long time ago.

Before you start telling me to get help, I already talked to someone couple years ago and I find it to be pointless. It's like going to a therapist cause your broke, well therapist can't help you but getting a job will. I'm not sure why I'm making this thread. I been trying to stay postive and tell myself not to stress or worry about it but I always tend to have major break down everyday. I just feel so worthless.

 

[adambrown]

Get the book THE PRESENCE PROCESS by MICHAEL BROWN and develop your 5 senses more( oh yeah it will do crazy wonders for your N) . . . Stop thinking about getting the book and just do it!

Now that the most important thing has been said:

We are each endowed with the capacity to be responsible for the quality of our experience. However, until consciously impacted with our compassionate awareness, our unintegrated fear, anger, and grief continues to function as the unconscious causal point of our outer disharmony, discomfort, disease, and delusion. By continuing to suppress and sedate our unintegrated emotional condition - and instead allowing ourselves to be emotionally carried and provoked by anyone or anything - we remain a species that is inauthentic, out of integrity, and lacking in the emotional capacity to intimately contain an awareness of what we are or what God is for us. Only by consciously developing our capacity to feel are we delivered beyond this predicament.



BLAMING OTHERS FOR THE QUALITY OF OUR LIFE EXPERIENCE IS FUTILE.

Victim and victor mentality is denial and delusion. Mounting earthly chaos and increasing outer human drama is a deliberately initiated and unfolding planetary cleanse intended to address our inauthentic, unconscious, and programmed approach to living. All outer conflict triggering us emotionally in an uncomfortable way reflects our states of unintegrated inner turmoil. Our only choice now is between engaging reactively in outer drama, or allowing the play of outer drama to facilitate us into a responsive and compassionate awakening to, and integration of, our inner turmoil.



THE PRESENT MOMENT IS VALID - ENTERING IT CONSCIOUSLY IS A PORTAL INTO AUTHENTICITY, INTEGRITY, AND INTIMACY.

Present moment awareness is "being fully present within each unfolding moment just as it is - without interference - without binding it with the resonance of fear, anger, and grief arising from our unintegrated past". Only when we are present are we vulnerable to receiving, and therefore able to contain, each unfolding encounter as a divinely ordained opportunity to intimately explore the profound possibilities of our humanity. Entering the moment fully requires a behavioral transformation - a shift from unconscious reactivity into deliberate responsibility. This transformation is only authentically accomplished through integrating the underlying imprinted emotional signatures that consistently distract us from being present. No one can accomplish this on our behalf.

 

[Elfa]

I'm really sorry about what you said.

It's very sad to see someone feeling so bad about oneself...

I've felt bad about myself a for long time of my life, feeling like I wasn't has good as other people, feeling like I didn't deserve what I had, and feeling like a burden to my parents; so I relate to a little of what you said. Still, I can't know what exactly you are passing by. I just feel really sorry.

I know you said you went to therapy, but I really think it can be very helpful. It helped me in my life, so that's why I recommend it. (I just don't recommend psychoanalysts, I prefer psychologists.) But I think therapy may help almost only if you really really want to be helped by it. The therapist must also be good, you should do it for some time, like 1 or 2 years at least, and some other stuff enter here to. There is the possibility that you have had therapy with a no-so-good therapist, or that therapist may have been from a psychologic theory that wouldn't work with you... There are many different psychology theories...

Of any help you could get here, I believe a professional could do it better. Still, posting here can also be a good thing to do.

And ignore the advertising post above, it's a shame someone would post that kind of thing here.

 

[Nijntje]

Get the book THE PRESENCE PROCESS by MICHAEL BROWN and develop your 5 senses more( oh yeah it will do crazy wonders for your N) . . . Stop thinking about getting the book and just do it!

Now that the most important thing has been said:

We are each endowed with the capacity to be responsible for the quality of our experience. However, until consciously impacted with our compassionate awareness, our unintegrated fear, anger, and grief continues to function as the unconscious causal point of our outer disharmony, discomfort, disease, and delusion. By continuing to suppress and sedate our unintegrated emotional condition - and instead allowing ourselves to be emotionally carried and provoked by anyone or anything - we remain a species that is inauthentic, out of integrity, and lacking in the emotional capacity to intimately contain an awareness of what we are or what God is for us. Only by consciously developing our capacity to feel are we delivered beyond this predicament.



BLAMING OTHERS FOR THE QUALITY OF OUR LIFE EXPERIENCE IS FUTILE.

Victim and victor mentality is denial and delusion. Mounting earthly chaos and increasing outer human drama is a deliberately initiated and unfolding planetary cleanse intended to address our inauthentic, unconscious, and programmed approach to living. All outer conflict triggering us emotionally in an uncomfortable way reflects our states of unintegrated inner turmoil. Our only choice now is between engaging reactively in outer drama, or allowing the play of outer drama to facilitate us into a responsive and compassionate awakening to, and integration of, our inner turmoil.



THE PRESENT MOMENT IS VALID - ENTERING IT CONSCIOUSLY IS A PORTAL INTO AUTHENTICITY, INTEGRITY, AND INTIMACY.

Present moment awareness is "being fully present within each unfolding moment just as it is - without interference - without binding it with the resonance of fear, anger, and grief arising from our unintegrated past". Only when we are present are we vulnerable to receiving, and therefore able to contain, each unfolding encounter as a divinely ordained opportunity to intimately explore the profound possibilities of our humanity. Entering the moment fully requires a behavioral transformation - a shift from unconscious reactivity into deliberate responsibility. This transformation is only authentically accomplished through integrating the underlying imprinted emotional signatures that consistently distract us from being present. No one can accomplish this on our behalf.

are you certain you are not affiliated with the author of this book and looking for free publicity.

hmmmmmmm?

 

[Rasofy]

are you certain you are not affiliated with the author of this book and looking for free publicity.

hmmmmmmm?

Uh oh. Their surname supports your theory.

@Op : Obviously, you need help. Now you think to yourself: ''''. But will ignore this tacit '''' and try to give you some advice. Not much time ago, I was trying to get ready to an exam but I just couldn't focus. My mind just wanted more and more stimulation, and reading books wouldn't provide what my body and mind demanded. But things really changed when I started taking an anxiety med. Your problem could easily be worse than mine (I'm guessing you may have ADD and/or depression), but I believe it's something fixable. You just gotta find the right tool.

 

[exact]

Get a grip.


Pep talk over.

 

[adambrown]

are you certain you are not affiliated with the author of this book and looking for free publicity.

hmmmmmmm?

This book has made a great impact in my life and anyone who gets benefit out of it great! I have let go of a lot of imprints that caused me to be trapped within my own frame of reference, as an NT i used to be really weak with my F side, not able to connect deeply with people around me without my mind getting in the way. All these build up barriers, teared down.

When I opened/developed my F side more I got an insight that taught me that either you open up in Love or you suffer.

I recommended this book to some of my friends, some of them have used it and some didn´t like it. Those that have endured the procedure got inwards deeply and came out as a more free being. Have to warn you tho, it is like opening up a can of worms ...

 

[adambrown]

double post

 

[adambrown]

Why can't I do anything right? A simple task like washing dishes or anything takes a lot of toll on me. Any small type of work I stress about it and self-destruct. I always been this way since a kid, never did anything, never had good grades, never listend to parents, just living inside my head. It's like a war in my head but at the same time I space out in reality. Do everyone have a talent or some sort of a gift in life? I can't think of anything besides being negative and cynical. I spend most of my days fantasizing about romance worthless stuff that'll never be reality.

I been trying to help around the house by doing chores but nothing gets done. I'm tired of my parents wasting money on me and I feel terrible just taking stuff. I wanna be able to help them but I can't. I know they don't have a lot of money so I feel like it's a waste to spend it on someone like me. I think I gave up on myself long time ago.

Before you start telling me to get help, I already talked to someone couple years ago and I find it to be pointless. It's like going to a therapist cause your broke, well therapist can't help you but getting a job will. I'm not sure why I'm making this thread. I been trying to stay postive and tell myself not to stress or worry about it but I always tend to have major break down everyday. I just feel so worthless.

Dear think2much,

I didn´t want to come across as an affiliate sales person, however this book has helped me tremendously. All our unconscious and unintegrated emotional issues are subsequently imprinted upon the people close to us. Until you clear your unintegrated emotions your life won´t be balanced. This book will allow you to approach your own issues as an alchemist . .

If I look at my world and see things from the past that should
have been different, or if I start making plans to attempt and
change the way things are right now, then I know that
I am living in the illusionary and unforgiving place
that we call "time".

Time is a place where nothing is right — Now.

Yet if I look at my world and see its beauty, its perfect imperfection,
its fullness of life, and if I feel a deep gratitude for being
in it, for every moment and particle of it, then I know I am
right here, right now.​

If your interested in doing the work shoot me a message and will give you a digital copy for free - afterwards you can give back to the author.

 

[Philosorapteuse]

Committing some thread necromancy here, but I want to comment because a) I can really identify with this b) I recently had a lightbulb moment about it, and there's an outside chance it might help.

For years on years I've found myself locked into a cycle of having certain expectations of myself (that I must do x or be y or get this essay in on time), being paralysed by that, hating myself for never doing anything and dissolving into rage, self-hatred and despair, and never achieving anything. It's only very recently that I twigged that this gets kicked off because I engage with myself in the worst possible way - when I think I ought to do something, I nag, bully and yell abuse at myself until I do it. See, when someone else does that to me, it's guaranteed to make me dig my heels in and resent them, and the same happens when I do it. So I hate myself for yelling, and I hate myself for digging my heels in and not doing things even though I think I want to, and so it spirals and I beat myself up forever and ever. There's no such thing as a positive obligation - I have a head full of imperatives that I constantly ignore because I'm being yelled at by myself. I spent about four years convinced I was a worthless parasite with nothing of value to offer, who would never achieve anything, despite good evidence to the contrary. (Depression is a really shit thing. It warps your whole perspective of the world. It will turn good into bad, white into black and eat your face and your soul. Anyone who tries to tell you it's not real has no idea what they're talking about.) I'm now convinced that learning how to tell myself that I need to do something in a constructive way would crack most of my procrastination and inertia problems.

I have no idea whether this will ring any bells for you, or even make sense, but I thought I'd say it on the off-chance that it might. Have you looked at how you talk to yourself in your own head? You're an INTP, so you probably spend an awful lot of time with that voice. Re: therapy... well, your mileage will vary massively on that one. I went to some utterly useless counselling a couple of years back, might as well have talked to a wall - the counsellor just didn't have even the slightest clue, and frankly wasn't very bright. In contrast, I've found some of the CBT I've done hugely helpful. A big part of the value of therapy can often be having a neutral sounding-board who'll ask the questions you're too wrapped up in it all to ask; that's a role that can also be played by a suitably detached and perceptive friend. Don't get me wrong: it doesn't feel like helping at the time. It's really goddamn hard to give any credence to different perspectives when you're stuck in the black pit (especially, and I don't know whether this is an INTP thing or just me, if you have trouble taking advice on board anyway), but after a breathing space of days or weeks, you can take out those comments again and consider them, and they can be surprisingly helpful at that point. The breathing space gives you an opportunity to detach from that specific encounter, and I think INTPs often find it easier to consider things from a somewhat detached perspective. It makes it less personal and scary.

I don't know you, so I can't comment on your talents or otherwise. Three things are for sure, though. 1) Achieving anything while stuck in the pit of despair is like pulling teeth. It's not just you being useless, it's the nature of the beast. 2) This isn't how it has to be forever. It really, truly isn't. It might be something you'll keep revisiting from time to time - that's how it sometimes is - but there is no law of nature that decrees that it will always be this way. Better things do exist, and you do deserve to have them. 3) Nobody else is you. Never has been, never will be, and that in itself means whatever your contribution is, it's different to everybody else's. There's a universe in your head, and nobody else's is quite like yours. That's trite, but it's trite because it's also true.

I know it must look impossible and insurmountable. I know it did to me when I was down there, and it still does when I backslide. But the view from up here is pretty good right now.

 

[durentu]

therapists are a waste of money.

You need to understand what investing is in general. I'm not talking about money, I'm talking about how to do something to feedback benefits to yourself.

work, eat, invest. investing feeds back into making work easier.

eating less than you work is savings. But the thing is that your parents are giving you more than you are working. And you are probably eating more than you are working. This is a crime in my book because tyrants enslave nations in the same way.

If someone moves my legs for me, my muscles will atrophy.

 

[Philosorapteuse]

Therapists are very often not a waste of money, particularly not where real mental health issues are involved. However, they're not always indicated, people vary wildly in how much they get out of therapy, and they cannot *solve* problems. But they can be valuable for making you realise where the problems are, which is often the hardest thing to get going on. It's very difficult to make any headway if you don't know where to begin.

 

[Spin]

Why can't I do anything right? A simple task like washing dishes or anything takes a lot of toll on me. Any small type of work I stress about it and self-destruct. I always been this way since a kid, never did anything, never had good grades, never listend to parents, just living inside my head. It's like a war in my head but at the same time I space out in reality. Do everyone have a talent or some sort of a gift in life? I can't think of anything besides being negative and cynical. I spend most of my days fantasizing about romance worthless stuff that'll never be reality.

I been trying to help around the house by doing chores but nothing gets done. I'm tired of my parents wasting money on me and I feel terrible just taking stuff. I wanna be able to help them but I can't. I know they don't have a lot of money so I feel like it's a waste to spend it on someone like me. I think I gave up on myself long time ago.

Before you start telling me to get help, I already talked to someone couple years ago and I find it to be pointless. It's like going to a therapist cause your broke, well therapist can't help you but getting a job will. I'm not sure why I'm making this thread. I been trying to stay postive and tell myself not to stress or worry about it but I always tend to have major break down everyday. I just feel so worthless.

This really, REALLY sounds like undiagnosed attention deficit -- the inattentive kind, not the hyperactive kind. This was me, for years, before I was diagnosed and started taking medication. Doing the dishes shouldn't take that much of a toll on anyone -- if it does, you need more dopamine! It's not your fault, seriously, just go get tested, try out a few of the different treatments, and you'll finally be able to live up to your potential. You won't necessarily need to take medication all the time, but taking it for a while will at least get you into some good habits and show you that you CAN be productive. (If you're one of those people who hates drugs, you can always try lifestyle-management and cognitive behavioral therapy. Knowing that it's probably ADD can at least help you find resources that have helped other people with the same problem.)

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

^ This is a great post, [MENTION=16517]Spin[/MENTION].

My first reaction in reading your OP, [MENTION=8141]think2much[/MENTION] is that there is an imbalance happening in your mind and body that may require medication. If it isn't something like Spin describes, it could be depression, or something along those lines. If you were not able to help out with housework because you had a clear physical illness, you probably would not let it ruin the way you feel about yourself because it would make sense. Something akin to that could be going on with you. I take medication for a chemical imbalance and it makes all the difference - mine is something different that you describe, but the principle is the same. I can get a lot more done when I'm not dealing with physical pain and anxiety. I hope you can reach a point where you understand the reasons behind your obstacles, then get a boost of help and not blame yourself.

 

[RaptorWizard]

I just hope think2much is still alive.

 

[SolitaryWalker]

Why can't I do anything right? A simple task like washing dishes or anything takes a lot of toll on me. Any small type of work I stress about it and self-destruct. I always been this way since a kid, never did anything, never had good grades, never listend to parents, just living inside my head. It's like a war in my head but at the same time I space out in reality. Do everyone have a talent or some sort of a gift in life? I can't think of anything besides being negative and cynical. I spend most of my days fantasizing about romance worthless stuff that'll never be reality.

I been trying to help around the house by doing chores but nothing gets done. I'm tired of my parents wasting money on me and I feel terrible just taking stuff. I wanna be able to help them but I can't. I know they don't have a lot of money so I feel like it's a waste to spend it on someone like me. I think I gave up on myself long time ago.

Read this book, it will be well-worth your time. http://www.amazon.com/Learned-Optim...d=1357467469&sr=8-1&keywords=Learned+Optimism


This isn't a self-help book, Martin Seligman is an eminent psychologist and the founder of modern scholarly enterprise of positive psychology. All of the studies that he references in the book have been peer-reviewed and you can be sure that if he makes a recommendation, there is a good chance that it is supported by a defensible argument. That does not mean that you should blindly assume that everything he writes is true, it means that you should take it seriously and analyze it with an open mind.

Why do you seem to struggle with activities that even a monkey can do? Are they really that difficult? Is there something about your genetic composition or fundamental qualities of character that makes you unlikely to succeed at these trivial tasks? Unlikely, the real reason is that you're not properly motivated. Many people in your situation tend to be chronic pessimists and that prevents them from entering the proper mindset to succeed at the relatively simple tasks. If you change your mindset, you'll not only become more efficient, but you'll also be more likely to actualize your potential at things that matter to you, and yes it is a well documented fact that moderate pessimists and optimists almost always outperform radical pessimists in professional undertakings and challenging hobbies.

Before you start telling me to get help, I already talked to someone couple years ago and I find it to be pointless. It's like going to a therapist cause your broke, well therapist can't help you but getting a job will. I'm not sure why I'm making this thread. I been trying to stay postive and tell myself not to stress or worry about it but I always tend to have major break down everyday. I just feel so worthless.

Telling yourself to be positive is completely useless, "the power of positive thinking" is not your answer. There is no sense in telling yourself that everything is great and that "every day, in every way, I get better and better" when the evidence scarcely supports such outlandish claims or even flatly contradicts it. What you need is evidence-based optimism or at least mitigated pessimism. Study this book, do the exercises diligently and consistently practice enhancing your mental state, it will pay off eventually. If you are consistent, you'll begin seeing significant results within a few weeks.

 

[tanstaafl28]

"Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they're yours."

- Richard Bach

What a sad sack you are. Apparently, you have nothing of any worth so you're fishing for some free pity? Why bother posting if you're such a useless waste of a human being? I don't think you've quite given up as much as you want everyone to believe. If you're so sick and tired of being a mooching pity party, what are you doing about it (I mean besides giving up on yourself before you even start)? You act as if you should be able to handle mundane tasks without having taken the time to learn how to do them right. That's not how it works. What you really need is to build your confidence. I'm not sure what that will be for you, but you really need to stop wallowing in despair and start challenging yourself. You have two choices: stay as miserable as you are right now, or do something different and see what happens. What's it going to be?

 

[ceecee]

- Richard Bach

What a sad sack you are. Apparently, you have nothing of any worth so you're fishing for some free pity? Why bother posting if you're such a useless waste of a human being? I don't think you've quite given up as much as you want everyone to believe. If you're so sick and tired of being a mooching pity party, what are you doing about it (I mean besides giving up on yourself before you even start)? You act as if you should be able to handle mundane tasks without having taken the time to learn how to do them right. That's not how it works. What you really need is to build your confidence. I'm not sure what that will be for you, but you really need to stop wallowing in despair and start challenging yourself. You have two choices: stay as miserable as you are right now, or do something different and see what happens. What's it going to be?

I agree with you but that won't work on him. He always posts this stuff.

 

[tanstaafl28]

So he's jus the resident "self-pity guy" on this board? I'll keep it in mind. Thanks.

 

[EEW]

Well, I think that is just connected with 'the asbesnt minded' aspect.
We just think. Overthink. And when thinking just about ANYTHING we don't focus on the little things in life. Our head is in the sky and not on earth. So you just are bound to make stupid mistakes. (believe me, you're not the only INTP who is 'useless' - which is actually not true, nobody's useless)
Also, when doing little things wrong, don't take notice of that and focus your interest on something else, look for an interest that is also physical - that will make you DO something. It helps a lot.
The fact that you think you're self destructive is because you take too much notice of those little mistakes. Avoid that, and it'll be better. It's the little things that decide the big things (too - there are more factors of course).
And you are definetly not USELESS. Just think of Isaac Newton (INTP) - was he ever useless?
I am sorry that I biased my response on Myer-Briggs but, I don't know you well enough to give you a personal answer.

But you're definetly not useless.