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  1. #1
    Senior Member HotpinkHeatwave's Avatar
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    Default ENFP's experience with an ENTJ boyfriend.

    Over a year and a half ago, I posted a topic about being weary about getting into an relationship with an ENTJ.

    Well, it happened, and it was a serious relationship. We moved in together, and near the end, the subject of having kids even came up.

    However, the relationship ended horribly.

    Through-out it, we argued a lot. He was always pushing me to "be better". He was your typical ENTJ; hard working, a high achiever, and so on.

    Me? Your typical ENFP. Head in the clouds, play before work, you know the rest.

    Living together was the worst idea. I procrastinated a lot, and was an "organized-mess". But, I still got things done. Like dishes, doing laundry, etc.

    He hated it. He hated how long it took me to do things, thought I was lazy and a slob.

    We broke up because one night he got very drunk, and because I wasn't home cleaning, he ran his car into my truck.

    Needless to say, that was it. I almost regret dating him - He was an egotistical ass.

    My advice? ENFPs: ENTJs probably aren't your best bet.

  2. #2
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Yikes that sounds awful!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #3
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    I have long had a hard time interacting with ENTJs, especially ENTJ 8s. Very ego-assertive people cause very strong emotional defense reactions in me - I know a large part of it is the e6, and of course protective Fi. I find myself unsure of how to act when someone seems to be purposefully trying to intimidate me... do I defer, or assert back? I have since learned that there is a third path of simply continuing on my own course.

    I find steady, gentle support to be "better" very helpful but strong pushes backfire.

  4. #4
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    It's very important for all TJs (probably any J, but TJs become militant about it) to have a clean home. I've had to work hard in this area, and I've matured a lot, for which I'm grateful because I needed to and wanted to. I have a great sense of cleanliness, and our home is very aesthetically pleasing and decorated, and I'm actually great at organizing - it's the day-to-day discipline and more mundane chores that I struggle with. And I'm terrible about leaving things around rather than putting them where they should go (but getting better.) I can't say my ESTJ's methodology for reforming me was the best. The Te way is pretty brutal - downright scarring at times. But having that be important to him at least gave me the impetus and motivation/reason to work on myself in that area.

    Quote Originally Posted by HotpinkHeatwave View Post
    We broke up because one night he got very drunk, and because I wasn't home cleaning, he ran his car into my truck.
    Yeah.... very drunk + Te dom = oh sh**.....

    Quote Originally Posted by HotpinkHeatwave View Post
    Needless to say, that was it. I almost regret dating him - He was an egotistical ass.

    My advice? ENFPs: ENTJs probably aren't your best bet.
    Every individual is different. In general I think this is a good type match. Just because he might have been an example of a less mature ENTJ doesn't mean the type itself is a bad bet.

  5. #5
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mia_infp View Post
    It's very important for all TJs (probably any J, but TJs become militant about it) to have a clean home.
    FYI, this is not true.

    It is true for SJs, but NTJs are finicky about different kinds of order. In my case, I tend to care about how one places dishes in the dishwasher to be most efficient, but I don't care about wiping down every single surface in the kitchen, when I don't eat off of the counter and have cutting boards I wash before preparing food. I appreciate having sufficient drawer space to organize my clothes, but lacking such, I'm happy to "organize" them on my floor.

    In general, SJs cares about physical order. NTJs care about a more abstract version of order, known as "efficiency." Efficiency for NTJs ends up being paired with an interesting kind of laziness, where the emphasis isn't on working "hard" but on sheer effectiveness. If we're working too hard at maintaining order, we're not doing it right, in our opinion.
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.

  6. #6
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HotpinkHeatwave View Post
    <Explication of train wreck ...>

    Needless to say, that was it. I almost regret dating him - He was an egotistical ass.

    My advice? ENFPs: ENTJs probably aren't your best bet.
    He was an egotistical ass. It says nothing about ENTJs as a type. MBTI and Jungian typology are about differences in cognitive understanding, not behavior per se.
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post
    FYI, this is not true.

    It is true for SJs, but NTJs are finicky about different kinds of order. In my case, I tend to care about how one places dishes in the dishwasher to be most efficient, but I don't care about wiping down every single surface in the kitchen, when I don't eat off of the counter and have cutting boards I wash before preparing food. I appreciate having sufficient drawer space to organize my clothes, but lacking such, I'm happy to "organize" them on my floor.

    In general, SJs cares about physical order. NTJs care about a more abstract version of order, known as "efficiency." Efficiency for NTJs ends up being paired with an interesting kind of laziness, where the emphasis isn't on working "hard" but on sheer effectiveness. If we're working too hard at maintaining order, we're not doing it right, in our opinion.
    Ah, interesting. Thanks for the clarification. I'm sure you're right that there is a real difference between the two in terms of their conception.

    I think in general, though, that any TJ is going to have far less tolerance for disorder, haphazard methodology, and general meh-ness than an FP, especially an NFP...

  8. #8
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mia_infp View Post
    Ah, interesting. Thanks for the clarification. I'm sure you're right that there is a real difference between the two in terms of their conception.

    I think in general, though, that any TJ is going to have far less tolerance for disorder, haphazard methodology, and general meh-ness than an FP, especially an NFP...
    Yeah, it's mostly the perceived inefficiencies, as in "WHY would you do it THAT way?" Personally, I get along great with NFPs as long as they don't try to make ME do something inefficiently, or do things that indirectly cause me to do something less than optimal. Fortunately, they're much more careful about imposing their views than we NTJs are ...
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.

  9. #9
    Riva
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    God bless the poor soul who has to live with an ENTJ (EXTJ).

    Quote Originally Posted by mia_infp View Post
    Yeah.... very drunk + Te dom = oh sh**.....
    Not entirely true. My father is an ESTJ and he is extremely happy and fun when he is drunk. Infat he is happy and fun most of the times. I would even bet that ESTJs are happier and more socially adaptable than ENTJs.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HotpinkHeatwave View Post
    We broke up because one night he got very drunk, and because I wasn't home cleaning, he ran his car into my truck.
    Then you should have had him arrested for committing a crime.

    My advice? ENFPs: ENTJs probably aren't your best bet.
    Just because a black man robs a bank, doesn't mean all black men are bank robbers.

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