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  1. #11
    Senior Member Kurt.Is.God's Avatar
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    You definitely know more about this than I do, so maybe I'm going to offend you by doubting you, but are you SURE he showed anything more than a passing interest in you? Maybe I'm different, but from what I know of ENxPs, most wouldn't lie when asked if they ever liked you.

    A girl liked me for a little bit at the beginning of my junior year. I can't say I was trying to "lead her on", but I was very consciously trying to get her to like me even though I didn't like her. I was pretty aware of when she stopped liking me, and I didn't really feel bad. I just wanted to see where it would lead, and I would have said yes if she asked me out. I'm not trying to justify myself, I just wonder if this is what he was doing. I also do something which can be misinterpreted as flirting (though I don't think ENTPs or even other ENFPs do it as much), which is pushing at people to get them to disclose as much as possible, and then stopping when I feel I've made them uncomfortable. I just really like getting close to people and "joining my life with them" if that makes sense. I'm really self-conscious doing this to girls because it can be taken wrong, but maybe he's not.

    Anyway, if he really did show an interest in you, I doubt you're "forever in the friend zone". "Forever" is a pretty alien concept to most ENxPs. I'd say there are next to no situations or ideas they'll rule out as impossible.

    "Right now he either needs to... etc." I agree that he should, I just think "needs" is a word which doesn't limit ENxPs very well. I doubt he'll come to a conclusion very fast. It'll probably be up to his ex to finalize anything--actually, what type is she?

    I don't think I can offer any "real" advice. I'm pretty bad at that. I hope I helped.

    Also, I'd be willing to murder his ex, but I don't like cookies very much.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    do you know yourself to have the flexibility to change your mind about it later if it's a no now? can the absolute change? or will deciding to not persue it right now means that if in the future he persues you, you would automatically say no?

    so, can your absolutes change?
    No as yet I'v never been able to change them, or this would be the answer.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kurt.Is.God View Post
    You definitely know more about this than I do, so maybe I'm going to offend you by doubting you, but are you SURE he showed anything more than a passing interest in you? Maybe I'm different, but from what I know of ENxPs, most wouldn't lie when asked if they ever liked you.
    He came to room while staying at friends place, there were other rooms but he turned up in my room that had my stuff in, when I turned up he was there he asked to stay and watch a movie with me when he thought I was alseep he stroked my hair off my face for several minutes. He flirted with an asleep person. Other stuff but that nailed it. There is a slight chance Im wrong but I have to make a choice and I decided I was right. I would lie about not be interested in somone if I were n his postion. For an ENP is not very flirty he's suffers from social anxiety

    Trust me I won't be laying at his feet, he had no idea I was into him, no body did. If I chose to stay open on this he won't have a clue. I get enough male attention I just never click with anyone. If I did this current problem would not exist. I would just simply forget him give no chance at all and move on to the next guy. There is never a next a guy though I am an introvert and Im very hard to get to know, this makes meeting new guys and connection with very hard.

    You have to take my word for it that If I stay open minded I won't be hanging on. Just in my head I won't close his door. I'm basicaly a strong J type toying with doing somthing P type like because that would be the solution. It's very hard.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Kurt.Is.God's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ness View Post
    No as yet I'v never been able to change them, or this would be the answer.


    He came to room while staying at friends place, there were other rooms but he turned up in my room that had my stuff in, when I turned up he was there he asked to stay and watch a movie with me when he thought I was alseep he stroked my hair off my face for several minutes. He flirted with an asleep person. Other stuff but that nailed it. There is a slight chance Im wrong but I have to make a choice and I decided I was right. I would lie about not be interested in somone if I were n his postion. For an ENP is not very flirty he's suffers from social anxiety

    Trust me I won't be laying at his feet, he had no idea I was into him, no body did. If I chose to stay open on this he won't have a clue. I get enough male attention I just never click with anyone. If I did this current problem would not exist. I would just simply forget him give no chance at all and move on to the next guy. There is never a next a guy though I am an introvert and Im very hard to get to know, this makes meeting new guys and connection with very hard.

    You have to take my word for it that If I stay open minded I won't be hanging on. Just in my head I won't close his door. I'm basicaly a strong J type toying with doing somthing P type like because that would be the solution. It's very hard.
    Yeah, I take back what I said. Hair-stroking is pretty hardcore stuff.

  4. #14
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    @Mane
    It’s because of the way it’s done.
    In order to close the door on him I don’t have a magic switch. I have to find or make something up that I don’t like abuot him and then concentrating on it, convincing myself this it’s to big a flaw and he’s not the guy for me.

    It’s essentially evil, I don’t take it lightly. I’m sliding towards doing this, but with a twist.

    I had a bit of a revelation. What if make his fatal flaw that he has an ex issue. So that if the ex goes away and he’s still up for it, he won’t have that fatal flaw anymore.

    However this does seem too impersonal, like I’m trying to do a T thing and I’m and F type.
    Maybe this has INFJ got to close that door and potentially miss out, because that what I do. He said never so if he misses out one day that’s his fault ←-- lovely blame shift there.

  5. #15
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    There are a lot of good posts in this thread by @Jennifer especially.

    I think the fatal flaw isn't wholly the ex issue. I think it's the fact that he is flirting while still being involved with someone else. Even if you remove the ex from the equation, you still have someone who is flirting when they aren't 100% free yet.

    The whole situation reads as a big heap of drama.

  6. #16
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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  7. #17
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ness View Post
    He came to room while staying at friends place, there were other rooms but he turned up in my room that had my stuff in, when I turned up he was there he asked to stay and watch a movie with me when he thought I was alseep he stroked my hair off my face for several minutes. He flirted with an asleep person.
    He needs to really rein himself back in or else be honest about what he had been feeling. I consider face/hair stroking to be breaking the personal space barrier, especially to us introverts; and he was way out of line for putting out a cue like that if he wasn't interested (as he now claims).
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ness View Post
    @Mane
    It’s because of the way it’s done.
    In order to close the door on him I don’t have a magic switch. I have to find or make something up that I don’t like abuot him and then concentrating on it, convincing myself this it’s to big a flaw and he’s not the guy for me.

    It’s essentially evil, I don’t take it lightly. I’m sliding towards doing this, but with a twist.

    I had a bit of a revelation. What if make his fatal flaw that he has an ex issue. So that if the ex goes away and he’s still up for it, he won’t have that fatal flaw anymore.

    However this does seem too impersonal, like I’m trying to do a T thing and I’m and F type.
    Maybe this has INFJ got to close that door and potentially miss out, because that what I do. He said never so if he misses out one day that’s his fault ←-- lovely blame shift there.
    funny, i am facing a similar situation from the other end of the spectrum... i need to make a clear choice about whether or not i can consider her the person i fall for given things she's done, i need to do the J thing to i can detatch myself emotionally from my exwife, in order to be in a healthier place where i may go on with my life to a point i might actuallly have a chance of rebuilding my family.

    for me the canandrum is almost the oposite - i know it will be easy enough for me to change my mind about her if she demonstrates my impression is wrong, the difficult part is the part i need to do right now - to stop considering the other possible explenations to what is going through her mind and select the one i have the hardest time respecting, so that i can see the worst possible flaw in her (for me, its her making bad choices as the mother of my stepson).

    this way if she turns out to be someone who just made a mistake, and is capable of facing it and fixing it when i provide he with the best oppertunity to do so, she can prove to me to be a decent person again.

    so why not pick a flaw which is easy enough to be proven wrong about?

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    He needs to really rein himself back in or else be honest about what he had been feeling. I consider face/hair stroking to be breaking the personal space barrier, especially to us introverts; and he was way out of line for putting out a cue like that if he wasn't interested (as he now claims).
    He's reined himslef back alot over the past few weeks, that was way back near christmas. His attention towards me has worn off in a direct correlation to how much the ex has got her foot back in the door. She's been very persistant and I hung back. Im not bitter that he lied I would have to. I undertand the massive emotional draw an ex has I didn't want to do battle with her it's not my style.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    He needs to really rein himself back in or else be honest about what he had been feeling. I consider face/hair stroking to be breaking the personal space barrier, especially to us introverts; and he was way out of line for putting out a cue like that if he wasn't interested (as he now claims).
    ...in the army i used to rub my superior's offices bold head. my feelings about him where and still are that he doesn't have what it takes to assert authority.

    i'm just saying, for an extravert who might be more comfortable with physical gestures it might not mean as much as it does for an introvert...

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