[INTJ] INTJs and their blank stares

[xpersephonex]

I was talking to my cousin one day (who I believe to be INTJ) and I brought up the topic of dreams and possible theories related to them. Instead of responding with his own opinion (like most of my nf friends do), he simply gave me this blank stare which I found to be highly offensive. My ESFP dad relieved the awkward silence with a more down-to-earth topic and he went right back to normal. He is a witty, jobless, computer expert who seems to have no opinion on anything at all (he can't even tell me what music he enjoys). Why the heck did this happen and how can I avoid it next time?

 

[Lexicon]

I was talking to my cousin one day (who I believe to be INTJ) and I brought up the topic of dreams and possible theories related to them. Instead of responding with his own opinion (like most of my nf friends do), he simply gave me this blank stare which I found to be highly offensive. My ESFP dad relieved the awkward silence with a more down-to-earth topic and he went right back to normal. He is a witty, jobless, computer expert who seems to have no opinion on anything at all (he can't even tell me what music he enjoys). Why the heck did this happen and how can I avoid it next time?

What's so offensive about a blank stare?

Perhaps he didn't understand your question, or some part of it, or didn't know how to respond.
Just one possibility.

 

[xpersephonex]

I tried elaborating several times, but he just continued to sit there in silence and look at me as if I was a complete moron with no brain.

 

[Anew Leaf]

I was talking to my cousin one day (who I believe to be INTJ) and I brought up the topic of dreams and possible theories related to them. Instead of responding with his own opinion (like most of my nf friends do), he simply gave me this blank stare which I found to be highly offensive. My ESFP dad relieved the awkward silence with a more down-to-earth topic and he went right back to normal. He is a witty, jobless, computer expert who seems to have no opinion on anything at all (he can't even tell me what music he enjoys). Why the heck did this happen and how can I avoid it next time?

I wouldn't jump to conclusions too easily. Perhaps he was just lost in thought.

Or he just doesn't care to answer that question because he deems it nonsense. I find many INTJs will ignore a question rather than waste time answering it.

 

[Lexicon]

I tried elaborating several times, but he just continued to sit there in silence and look at me as if I was a complete moron with no brain.

Are you positive that's what he was thinking, or were you just worried that's what he was thinking?
Sometimes they'll kind of freeze up, like it's best not to, say anything at all. It can be awkward and confusing.
If you were concerned about it, why not ask him why he was giving you a blank expression as a response?
Is that difficult?

 

[Metamorphosis]

I've had strangers tell me before that they thought I hated them because of this, but I think that it's a common misunderstanding with INTJs. I think that our blank expression can either make people think that we're looking through them, or that we're looking at them like they are some kind of specimen to be studied, but this isn't normally intentional. It's really just a natural expression when we're lost in thought. It's more like, our eyes are looking at you, but our thoughts have retreated inwards.

Sometimes we are just very detached and people get an incorrect impression.

 

[Lexicon]

I've had strangers tell me before that they thought I hated them because of this, but I think that it's a common misunderstanding with INTJs. I think that our blank expression can either make people think that we're looking through them, or that we're looking at them like they are some kind of specimen to be studied, but this isn't normally intentional. It's really just a natural expression when we're lost in thought. It's more like, our eyes are looking at you, but our thoughts have retreated inwards.

Sometimes we are just very detached and people get an incorrect impression.

yeah, I think this can be true for Ni-doms in general. If I've gone someplace else in my head, I sometimes have people approach me, prodding, ''what's wrong?'' - they apparently interpret the distant, blank sort of expression with something negative, when it's typically neutral.

 

[JocktheMotie]

I was talking to my cousin one day (who I believe to be INTJ) and I brought up the topic of dreams and possible theories related to them. Instead of responding with his own opinion (like most of my nf friends do), he simply gave me this blank stare which I found to be highly offensive. My ESFP dad relieved the awkward silence with a more down-to-earth topic and he went right back to normal. He is a witty, jobless, computer expert who seems to have no opinion on anything at all (he can't even tell me what music he enjoys). Why the heck did this happen and how can I avoid it next time?

INTP.

You can avoid it by making sense. Sometimes when confronted with nonsense the INTx simply doesn't know where to start. And if you're offended only by a blank stare, maybe it's better he keeps his thoughts to himself, for your sake.

 

[xpersephonex]

Well then why is that almost everything that I say warrants this blank stare? Does that mean almost everything I say is nonsense? Jeez thats a bit harsh...my parents always seem to get off the hook, though I doubt their religious mumbo jumbo is anything but nonsense to INTJ aswell.

 

[xpersephonex]

However, now that I think on it, my ENTJ uncle does the exact same thing. I think they mirror the other individual and since I come off as cold and aloof so too will they. My parents are the bubbliest and kindest people you will ever meet and he reacts to this in a positive way.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Well then why is that almost everything that I say warrants this blank stare? Does that mean almost everything I say is nonsense? Jeez thats a bit harsh...my parents always seem to get off the hook, though I doubt their religious mumbo jumbo is anything but nonsense to INTJ aswell.

 

[highlander]

I tried elaborating several times, but he just continued to sit there in silence and look at me as if I was a complete moron with no brain.

 

[xpersephonex]

 

[The Outsider]

yeah, I think this can be true for Ni-doms in general. If I've gone someplace else in my head, I sometimes have people approach me, prodding, ''what's wrong?'' - they apparently interpret the distant, blank sort of expression with something negative, when it's typically neutral.

It is, in fact, common to most humans in general.

 

[Nicodemus]

Well then why is that almost everything that I say warrants this blank stare? Does that mean almost everything I say is nonsense? Jeez thats a bit harsh...my parents always seem to get off the hook, though I doubt their religious mumbo jumbo is anything but nonsense to INTJ aswell.

My first guess was the same as Jock's: You may have said something he thought you should know better than to say (or think).

 

[highlander]

I've had strangers tell me before that they thought I hated them because of this, but I think that it's a common misunderstanding with INTJs. I think that our blank expression can either make people think that we're looking through them, or that we're looking at them like they are some kind of specimen to be studied, but this isn't normally intentional. It's really just a natural expression when we're lost in thought. It's more like, our eyes are looking at you, but our thoughts have retreated inwards.

Sometimes we are just very detached and people get an incorrect impression.

I think this is the reason.

I don't know about other INTJs but if someone DOES say something really stupid, it's unlikely that I'll look at them like they are an idiot because that would be rude. It might bring a smile to my face however.

I think 90% of face to face communication is body language and INTJs tend to throw people off. They are very easily misunderstood.

 

[violet_crown]

I tried elaborating several times, but he just continued to sit there in silence and look at me as if I was a complete moron with no brain.

Maybe he's just a Jenna Marbles fan


[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wRXa971Xw0"]The Face[/YOUTUBE]

 

[ceecee]

I've had strangers tell me before that they thought I hated them because of this, but I think that it's a common misunderstanding with INTJs. I think that our blank expression can either make people think that we're looking through them, or that we're looking at them like they are some kind of specimen to be studied, but this isn't normally intentional. It's really just a natural expression when we're lost in thought. It's more like, our eyes are looking at you, but our thoughts have retreated inwards.

Sometimes we are just very detached and people get an incorrect impression.

I usually say - I'm listening to what you're saying - when I get protests. And I am listening, and likely thinking at the same time but not necessarily that they're a moron.

 

[Mia.]

The blank stare is common when INTJs are thinking about what you're saying, it's just part of the package... personally I wouldn't read much into it. I knew an INTJ that everyone accused of being high all the time even though he's never done a drug in his life.

It is also possible that something in the topic tripped his Fi or Ni - which he might hesitate to/be difficult to express. Dreams can be incredibly personal and dream theory brings potential for misunderstanding or looks of I've had two individuals with dom Ni tell me about some of their more fascinating dreams and their thoughts on them, but only after an incredible amount of trust had been established. They have a hard time expressing these functions - Ni/Fi - their heart of hearts. They are sensitive to the idea of (and rightly so, given much of their experience with most people) being misunderstood.

I would add - you could start gaining his trust by being down with the blank stare.

 

[xpersephonex]

The blank stare is common when INTJs are thinking about what you're saying, it's just part of the package... personally I wouldn't read much into it. I knew an INTJ that everyone accused of being high all the time even though he's never done a drug in his life.

It is also possible that something in the topic tripped his Fi or Ni - which he might hesitate to/be difficult to express. Dreams can be incredibly personal and dream theory brings potential for misunderstanding or looks of I've had two individuals with dom Ni tell me about some of their more fascinating dreams and their thoughts on them, but only after an incredible amount of trust had been established. They have a hard time expressing these functions - Ni/Fi - their heart of hearts. They are sensitive to the idea of (and rightly so, given much of their experience with most people) being misunderstood.

I would add - you could start gaining his trust by being down with the blank stare.

Thanks, I think you're right, I just freaked out for nothing as usual (oh, the joys of social anxiety...)