[NT] NT pulling away or just needing space?

[Salomé]

I think "cool" describes his feelings perfectly.

If he did love her, his response would be different.


EDIT. Don't think INTPs aren't the type to send 100+ texts a day if they are into someone. We are only aloof when we're disinterested. Unfortunately, some of the guys seem to have this habit of keeping a woman they're not really into "on the back-burner" until someone better comes along.
I find that despicable.

 

[Cimarron]

Rather than drop a 1+ year relationship because he doesn't reply to 2 messages during a busy week at work? Not sure why that's a bizarre idea...

As a guy who's currently very busy at work, I agree. What would worry me is the replying to "I love you" with "Cool", but as they say, maybe he's not sure what to make of the fact that the only time you've said it was when you were drunk. Wondering if you would say it when totally cognizant or something.

Edit: Oh, Page 3, the situation has been handled.

 

[Totenkindly]

I think you're on a general good directional path...just steer a little more toward him. What I'm saying is...

Here's one key: Rather than look to communicate because people arguing are communicating. Rather, perceive how he sees things first. Consistently. Understand. With feeling. Go far, to come near.

If I were in his shoes right now I'd be wondering if there's a difference between things I hear from you and you really understanding me.

Maybe send him a note saying 'I know you're really busy right now, and thought you might be hungry. I left a sandwich at the front desk for you.'. Then leave him a note written by you alongside it too. With a smiley face.

That's something that would make me melt. And I would really start to consider us.

It's what you do for the relationship. Not just him or for you. Focus on doing things for the relationship. That's where the bonding will be created.

Srsly?

As far as I can tell, she's the one taking all the initiative right now... and your solution for her dilemma is for her to take even more of the responsibility of the relationship on her shoulders? That's very unfair to her. Just because NTs have particular needs in a relationship does not mean that others do not have needs; and the relationship is supposed to be a two-way street. She does need to understand his need for space; but at the same time, he needs to understand her need for more connection and affirmation, even if it's only to let her know (before she asks) that he is either busy, or tired, or needs some space. That is the responsibility for being in a relationship... you actually need to view it more as a "two people working together as one" rather than two individuals just doing their thing without regard for the other.

INTPs will sometimes need to unplug from the world for a bit, but that doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong. As you say, could be work stresses or some other factor, and they typically just need some time to work some things out.

However, this doesn't mean they get a free pass to be non-communicative without letting you know they're going to be somewhat unavailable. You need to make it clear that while he's perfectly entitled to his space or a "lonely week," you're perfectly entitled to some non-involved texts or email updates every now and then.

^^ much more this.

 

[In_Love]

btw, don't be this girl: http://imgur.com/a/r5kEb

OMG I would never be THAT girl. That is just crazy.

I brought it up to him yesterday. It wasn't a big conversation. I just asked if everything was okay and he said that sometimes its just work and sleep. I don't for one minute dout that, but when I don't hear back then I start questioning and trying to analyze the situation.

As for me telling him I love him... He didn't say "cool" when I said I loved him. He said it when I told him that I had missed him during the week. I know this sounds horrible, but both times I tried to tell him I loved him I was drunk. I needed the liquid courage. I truely am THAT shy. Even when I have been with someone for this long. The first time I told him that I would tell him someday. He was drunk as well and just kept saying that if I felt it in my heart then I should always say it. I'm also not sure, but either the last thing I remember from that night is him either saying " But I do love you" or I was dreaming that. The other time I think I tried, but just skirted around it. I'm sure he has figured out what I want to tell him by now. I truely want to tell him, but I think the fear of rejection is what holds me back. I know he cares and that he trusts me, but I still have that fear. I kind of wonder how much of this has to do with everything he went through with his ex.

 

[BlackCat]

Nagging and stuff is a good way to put stress on a relationship with an INTP, whether it be a relationship relationship or a friendship. You let them come to you pretty much. My ex was in a relationship with an INTP (she was INFP) and she would basically, if I understand correctly, freak out when he wouldn't contact her on a daily basis and when he needed his space. (She also basically freaked out when I pulled away too and made it worse for me... lol) He was working 50 hour weeks and just needed time to himself. He probably will not understand what the huge deal is.

 

[1487610420]

OMG I would never be THAT girl. That is just crazy.

I brought it up to him yesterday. It wasn't a big conversation. I just asked if everything was okay and he said that sometimes its just work and sleep. I don't for one minute dout that, but when I don't hear back then I start questioning and trying to analyze the situation.

As for me telling him I love him... He didn't say "cool" when I said I loved him. He said it when I told him that I had missed him during the week. I know this sounds horrible, but both times I tried to tell him I loved him I was drunk. I needed the liquid courage. I truely am THAT shy. Even when I have been with someone for this long. The first time I told him that I would tell him someday. He was drunk as well and just kept saying that if I felt it in my heart then I should always say it. I'm also not sure, but either the last thing I remember from that night is him either saying " But I do love you" or I was dreaming that. The other time I think I tried, but just skirted around it. I'm sure he has figured out what I want to tell him by now. I truely want to tell him, but I think the fear of rejection is what holds me back. I know he cares and that he trusts me, but I still have that fear. I kind of wonder how much of this has to do with everything he went through with his ex.

Are you ISTJ?

 

[In_Love]

I said in an earlier post that I am an INSP. Forgive me as I am new to this stuff and was going off memory. When I just took the tests (took 2 different) one said ISTJ and the other said ISTP. Guess I'm a mix of both.

 

[1487610420]

I said in an earlier post that I am an INSP. Forgive me as I am new to this stuff and was going off memory. When I just took the tests (took 2 different) one said ISTJ and the other said ISTP. Guess I'm a mix of both.

Sure. It goes like this: E/I + S/N + T/F + J/P. Forward slash means or along with high contrast between either options. So, for your example it would be something like ISTX, where X can be either J or P. However, that little change in the last letter of the MBTI type, actually implies a very big change in function preference and thus in personality, as it represents the nature of the Extrovert function used for interfacing the outside world, being either through Perceing (#2 letter) or Judging (#4 letter), which in case of an Introvert (#1 letter) person, is NOT the default nature, thus, interfacing the outside world will be a secondary thing.

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwfLC8qXwH8&feature=channel"]ISTJ[/YOUTUBE]
[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOT7-sGcarw&feature=channel"]ISTP[/YOUTUBE]

You already know my guess.

 

[Salomé]

OMG I would never be THAT girl. That is just crazy.

I brought it up to him yesterday. It wasn't a big conversation. I just asked if everything was okay and he said that sometimes its just work and sleep. I don't for one minute dout that, but when I don't hear back then I start questioning and trying to analyze the situation.

As for me telling him I love him... He didn't say "cool" when I said I loved him. He said it when I told him that I had missed him during the week. I know this sounds horrible, but both times I tried to tell him I loved him I was drunk. I needed the liquid courage. I truely am THAT shy. Even when I have been with someone for this long. The first time I told him that I would tell him someday. He was drunk as well and just kept saying that if I felt it in my heart then I should always say it. I'm also not sure, but either the last thing I remember from that night is him either saying " But I do love you" or I was dreaming that. The other time I think I tried, but just skirted around it. I'm sure he has figured out what I want to tell him by now. I truely want to tell him, but I think the fear of rejection is what holds me back. I know he cares and that he trusts me, but I still have that fear. I kind of wonder how much of this has to do with everything he went through with his ex.

I find it so very odd that people can come into internet forums and tell the world things that they are unable to tell their nearest and dearest...

Fear of rejection is just another name for pride. Spit it out already, the world will go on spinning, and you'll feel a lot lighter. The way you are at the moment, so uptight and antsy, you'll just make him nervous and uncomfortable. Whatever you do, try to stop obsessing about it. Get a hobby or something.