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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    Rather than drop a 1+ year relationship because he doesn't reply to 2 messages during a busy week at work? Not sure why that's a bizarre idea...
    You're not stating all of the facts. Please read my last post.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    Rather than drop a 1+ year relationship because he doesn't reply to 2 messages during a busy week at work? Not sure why that's a bizarre idea...
    I'm sorry you're having a hard time.

    I'd say but if you're getting all connected and deeper with him then realize, if that is your later decision, it's gonna hurt worse than now.

    Hey don't worry..if love comes back then it's love. And meantime it sucks. Haha yea I get it too.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  3. #23
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    Have you ever spoken with him about the way you work in a relationship and what you need? And what he needs? Neither of you could know until you talk about it.

    I'm dating an INTP. Not saying there's an INTP hive-mind but I have never had a prob like that with my INTP BF. I know it's because we talk to each other about everything. For instance, I was really open about myself and what I want and need in a relationship from day one. The reason I was open from the beginning is that I've experienced something close to what you've described with an INTJ in the past. Our communication was mostly on the INTJ's terms and I often felt I was intruding. Realized that that is ridiculous. So we sat down and had one of those establishing my/his needs conversations. I told him that when I didn't hear from him, I assumed I was bugging him and that it made me feel bad. And yeah, he did need to be told. He was just a naturally impassive and very self-contained type. He just happened to be the kind of person who was all business at work, hence didn't like texting me back while at work. He also hated the phone with a passion. He was much more attentive after that chat and I was much more relaxed and secure.

    I'm not saying you are definitely doing this, but I don't think it's good to tiptoe around a guy or minimize your needs, even if you seem like you can. A good indicator of what you need is how conscious you are of the time that ticks by when you haven't had contact. If every minute weighs heavily, you need to speak up about it and just be straight with him about how you work.

    I don't think telling someone you love them after 14 months of dating is at all unreasonable. Quite the opposite. IMO (and this is all just my opinion and anecdotes that I hope you find helpful), it's important to make sure you feel an equal partner in the relationship and that your needs are being met. That requires good, open communication.

  4. #24
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    Everyone is overreacting here except for @Randomnity. Their relationship has lasted fourteen months, four days of silence is hardly adequate cause to dump him.

  5. #25
    figsfiggyfigs
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    Rather than drop a 1+ year relationship because he doesn't reply to 2 messages during a busy week at work? Not sure why that's a bizarre idea...
    Maybe I'm just impatient or expect more from people than they deserve. I'd expect this sort of behaviour from a friend or a partner who travels a lot, not from one who lives near by and is perfectly capable of sending a text of reassurance. "waiting a few weeks" is absurd to me. Especially considering that she doesnt sound all that happy and satisfied to begin with. What's the point on waiting for someone that doesn't even give you a minute of their day to say "hey. Alive. Will call in a week". He must be out in space somewhere. He can make calls even then.
    Last edited by figsfiggyfigs; 03-02-2012 at 09:12 PM. Reason: On itoucj

  6. #26
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    wait, reality check: this is friday. they saw each other on monday. A call monday and a text Wed had no reply, and a text Thurs got the response that he's busy.

    So that's two "flaked replies" in 1 week with one perfectly legit explanation (busy at work). What's with the chorus of DTMFA?? Give it a few weeks to see how it goes when work gets less busy (presumably it will by then). Yes, he could be blowing her off, but he could also likely actually be busy at work.
    This, except for the ''few weeks'' part.
    If he's really really busy, he probably won't be in the mood to be a good companionship. Otoh, if doesn't bother with a week without contact, I'd suspect something's wrong.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


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  7. #27
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    Thanks for all the replies! Everything is fine. Turned out he was in late night meetings from home. By the time I was done with school on those days he was alteady in the meetings. He does work for a Co. Over seas that is on a different time than here. Why he didn't text and say this who knows... that isn't uncommon for him to get calls and texts on weekends and nights. I did tell him that he needs to let me know when something like that is happening so Im not inturrupting. He tells me when he has to travel, so this is no different. You all have given me alot to think about though.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by In_Love View Post
    Thanks for all the replies! Everything is fine. Turned out he was in late night meetings from home. By the time I was done with school on those days he was alteady in the meetings. He does work for a Co. Over seas that is on a different time than here. Why he didn't text and say this who knows... that isn't uncommon for him to get calls and texts on weekends and nights. I did tell him that he needs to let me know when something like that is happening so Im not inturrupting. He tells me when he has to travel, so this is no different. You all have given me alot to think about though.
    Well send him the bill for our time. What..that's like 10 of us...say $50/hr. (shrinks I think make upwards of $200k). And we're not shrinks but our collective mental skill sets get us up there in skills..so that's about $500 for the sessions.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by YWIR View Post
    Maybe I'm just impatient or expect more from people than they deserve. I'd expect this sort of behaviour from a friend or a partner who travels a lot, not from one who lives near by and is perfectly capable of sending a text of reassurance. "waiting a few weeks" is absurd to me. Especially considering that she doesnt sound all that happy and satisfied to begin with. What's the point on waiting for someone that doesn't even give you a minute of their day to say "hey. Alive. Will call in a week". He must be out in space somewhere. He can make calls even then.
    except you know she's not going to listen to that:
    the reason she isn't happy isn't because she doesn't like something about him, its because she isn't getting her feelings returned.

    and as childish as that reaction is, i've seen the most otherwise mature and developed relationships and decade long marriages pull this off about as much as 2 week teenage relationships - the puller pushes and the pusher pulls. even when your aware of the instinct it's incredibly difficult to fight off.

    basically: so just as much as he's not going to respond well to her neediness, her internal response for him taking space or "pushing her away" is wanting him more.

    she's not going to dump him, so let's give her something she can work with, and keeping her distance and keeping her cool is probably the best thing she can do right now.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    basically: so just as much as he's not going to respond well to her neediness, her internal response for him taking space or "pushing her away" is wanting him more.

    she's not going to dump him, so let's give her something she can work with, and keeping her distance and keeping her cool is probably the best thing she can do right now.
    +3^10
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

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