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  1. #11
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haven View Post
    I need advice, but I'm not really sure what to ask, so um here

    Do you feel like you're a burden to others? What makes you feel like a burden to others? What makes you not feel like a burden to others?

    If you need to withdraw from the world (is there another way to put it?), when should I leave you alone, and when should I not leave you alone? Or maybe, how do I leave you alone without actually leaving you alone?

    Females specifically: Your thoughts on closeness in relationships. Yes? No? How much time apart do you need? Assuming I'll never really understand you, what should I know?
    I'm not a burden to others. In fact, I do everything I can to not be. I do need time alone and it took my ENFJ awhile to understand that it's something I needed and not a personal slight against him. I very much need physical closeness but I never use to. It's something I've grown to need from and I reciprocate but it wasn't a really natural. If you go into it with the mindset of Assuming I'll never really understand you.....and you're going to go into a relationship with an NT, we would prefer you not even bother.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  2. #12
    Blind Guardian Haven's Avatar
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    I'm noticing a definite split between the responses of NTJs and NTPs. This is good. I can safely say the girl of my interests is not an NTJ.

    I actually dated an INTJ once. She was a mega bitch. Although it was fun for a while, it got old fast. I just couldn't have a life of my own, you know?
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  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haven View Post
    I'm noticing a definite split between the responses of NTJs and NTPs. This is good. I can safely say the girl of my interests is not an NTJ.

    I actually dated an INTJ once. She was a mega bitch. Although it was fun for a while, it got old fast. I just couldn't have a life of my own, you know?
    You couldn't have a life of your own with an INTJ? As in, she'd be mega intrusive and /or jealous and wanted to know everything about what you were doing?
    Well then, to me INTJs (and NTs in general) are amongst the least likely type to do this, so one of us has issues understanding the MBTI.

    If you're quickly bored with abstract stuff, I wouldn't bother trying to date an NT. However are you sure the girl in question is an NT to begin with? Maybe you could describe her a little more?

  4. #14
    Blind Guardian Haven's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nales View Post
    You couldn't have a life of your own with an INTJ? As in, she'd be mega intrusive and /or jealous and wanted to know everything about what you were doing?
    Well then, to me INTJs (and NTs in general) are amongst the least likely type to do this, so one of us has issues understanding the MBTI.
    She wasn't intrusive at all, but she was very disapproving and judgmental of pretty much anything I did without her, or at least what I cared to tell her. So I stopped telling her anything. It went downhill pretty fast after that, but I didn't care.

    If you're quickly bored with abstract stuff, I wouldn't bother trying to date an NT. However are you sure the girl in question is an NT to begin with? Maybe you could describe her a little more?
    She's amazingly smart, witty, funny, sexy, worldly, sometimes what she says kinda flies over my head, but I don't care, she gets me. I'd rather be with someone that's a bit smarter than I am than someone I feel like I have to talk down to, and constantly clarify what I meant to say.
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  5. #15
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    So basically she wanted to do everything with you and resented you when you did stuff alone? Doesn't sound INTJ at all to me. INTJs are usually the ones who do everything alone and then get criticized because of that.

    I'm still not convinced the woman you're describing is an NT. "Sexy" and "Worldly" in particular do not sound NT. Do you know what her work is about? What she does on her free time?

  6. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nales View Post
    "Sexy" and "Worldly" in particular do not sound NT.
    Speak for yourself, man!


    And to answer this:
    Quote Originally Posted by Haven View Post
    Females specifically: Your thoughts on closeness in relationships. Yes? No? How much time apart do you need? Assuming I'll never really understand you, what should I know?
    For me, I tend to shy away initially (and perhaps for a while into something) from closeness in relationships. I'm much more likely to take things casually at first and let things go deeper if it happens. If not, I'll just keep it casual until it has run its course.

    That being said, I typically look to have my "me" time away from a relationship, even if it's pretty serious (and especially at the casual stage). I like relationships to enhance my life, not define it. And if I smell codependency at any point, I'm out of there. Pronto.

    Hope that helps you understand your lady friend a little more!

  7. #17
    Blind Guardian Haven's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nales View Post
    So basically she wanted to do everything with you and resented you when you did stuff alone? Doesn't sound INTJ at all to me.
    That's probably because that's not what I meant at all. She just generally disapproved of my carefree attitude maybe, I dunno. I think it was mostly when the things I had to do interfered with her plans that got her all bent out of shape.

    Quote Originally Posted by allegorystory View Post
    For me, I tend to shy away initially (and perhaps for a while into something) from closeness in relationships. I'm much more likely to take things casually at first and let things go deeper if it happens. If not, I'll just keep it casual until it has run its course.

    That being said, I typically look to have my "me" time away from a relationship, even if it's pretty serious (and especially at the casual stage). I like relationships to enhance my life, not define it. And if I smell codependency at any point, I'm out of there. Pronto.

    Hope that helps you understand your lady friend a little more!
    That sounds exactly like her! Thank you

    I was a little upset about being in the casual stage at first, but after a little time away I think I can appreciate it more.
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  8. #18
    Senior Member Stigmata's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haven View Post
    Do you feel like you're a burden to others?
    No.
    Quote Originally Posted by Haven View Post
    What makes you feel like a burden to others?
    Being incompetent, ignorant, or dependent on someone or something.
    Quote Originally Posted by Haven View Post
    What makes you not feel like a burden to others?
    Knowledge and independence.
    "I'm just here so I won't get fined."

  9. #19
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by think2much View Post
    I knew 2 esfj in my life and guess they were my "friends" but I just couldn't connect with them. Anything they said just sounded so stupid and unimportant.
    Gosh, I have no idea why you can't make friends then.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  10. #20
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    If anything, I overburden myself to not be a burden on others, as I'm extremely sensitive to being burdened by others, to the point of seething anger. It's sort of psychotic to be perfectly honest.



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