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  1. #1
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    Default INTJ will he understand

    A question for all INTJ's.

    I have just ended a recent friendship with my INTJ because I was upset that he didn*t inform me about something reagarding himself. I reacted rather impulisively and instead of reflecting and waiting a few days ended the friendship via email. We only have an email contact since he changed jobs. We use to work for the same company. I only ended the friendship because I was hurt about him not telling me about his new job and my finding this out on the facebook.

    I now regret ending the friendship and was hoping that he would understand my reason for breaking contact. I explained to him in my email that I was hurt and that if he trusted me as you should in a friendship he could have informed me.

    I don't want to contact him again and tell him I regret my decision because this could scare him off. On the other hand I am hoping he will understand me and perhaps re-contact me. Is this possible even after a few months? Or wil he be likely to accept my decision. He knows how i tick reallly well and so i am hoping he will miss me and contact me. Or do INTJ' never look back even if they miss someone and know that the other person recated without thinking? Would appreciate your comments.

  2. #2
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simbad View Post
    I don't want to contact him again and tell him I regret my decision because this could scare him off. On the other hand I am hoping he will understand me and perhaps re-contact me. Is this possible even after a few months? Or wil he be likely to accept my decision. He knows how i tick reallly well and so i am hoping he will miss me and contact me. Or do INTJ' never look back even if they miss someone and know that the other person recated without thinking? Would appreciate your comments.
    So you don't want to tell him that you regret ending your friendship because you're afraid you're going to scare him off? Let that sink in for a second.

    If someone actually bothered to "officially" end a friendship with me (which I think is kind of strange anyways, and sounds mostly like a plea for emotional attention) I would never contact that person again. I would see them never contacting me again as reinforcing their decision to end our friendship. Why would I demean myself by contacting someone that told me they did not want to have any friendship with me, especially over something as ridiculous as not telling them about a job? Seems desperate.

    Harsh but that's my opinion, anyways.
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  3. #3
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simbad View Post
    A question for all INTJ's.

    I have just ended a recent friendship with my INTJ because I was upset that he didn*t inform me about something reagarding himself. I reacted rather impulisively and instead of reflecting and waiting a few days ended the friendship via email. We only have an email contact since he changed jobs. We use to work for the same company. I only ended the friendship because I was hurt about him not telling me about his new job and my finding this out on the facebook.

    I now regret ending the friendship and was hoping that he would understand my reason for breaking contact. I explained to him in my email that I was hurt and that if he trusted me as you should in a friendship he could have informed me.

    I don't want to contact him again and tell him I regret my decision because this could scare him off. On the other hand I am hoping he will understand me and perhaps re-contact me. Is this possible even after a few months? Or wil he be likely to accept my decision. He knows how i tick reallly well and so i am hoping he will miss me and contact me. Or do INTJ' never look back even if they miss someone and know that the other person recated without thinking? Would appreciate your comments.
    I can tell you that if someone emphatically ended a friendship with me because I didn't tell them about a job change, I would see it much like Metamorphosis. I would see it as a stunt for attention, possibly emotional manipulation which I won't allow. The likelihood of me contacting that person again is zero. Scare me off? I don't even understand that in this context.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    .... I won't allow. The likelihood of me contacting that person again is zero.....
    Sorry for the edit, but this has been my experience in any kind of relationship, work, friend, or romantic.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    I can tell you that if someone emphatically ended a friendship with me because I didn't tell them about a job change, I would see it much like Metamorphosis. I would see it as a stunt for attention, possibly emotional manipulation which I won't allow. The likelihood of me contacting that person again is zero. Scare me off? I don't even understand that in this context.
    This has got nothing to do with emotional manipulation. I don't see anything wrong in expressing your hurt feelings. Some people are just open. One says INTJ's like openess and truth. That is what I was doing - being open about my true feelings namely hurt. Threre was no hidden intention behind this i.e. wanting him to feel bad or whatever.

    But for me friendship includes trust. And if the my so called friend doesn't trust me enought to tell me where is now working. After all he got another job in a different town he probably doesn't trust me enought. He got thrown out of his manager job and doesn't want anyone to know at the moment where he is now working. Which I can fully understand. Only I wouldn't have told anyone in the workplace.

    Of course now after having enough time to reflect I realize that I reacted too impulsively and according to my feelings. I'm an INFP. I regret this and realize that it's up to him if he wants to tell me or not and that has probably nothing to do with his feelings for me. Just hoping that he knows me well enought to understand that it's had nothing to do with clingeness but hurt feelings. A shame.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by simbad View Post
    This has got nothing to do with emotional manipulation. I don't see anything wrong in expressing your hurt feelings. Some people are just open. One says INTJ's like openess and truth. That is what I was doing - being open about my true feelings namely hurt. Threre was no hidden intention behind this i.e. wanting him to feel bad or whatever.

    But for me friendship includes trust. And if the my so called friend doesn't trust me enought to tell me where is now working. After all he got another job in a different town he probably doesn't trust me enought. He got thrown out of his manager job and doesn't want anyone to know at the moment where he is now working. Which I can fully understand. Only I wouldn't have told anyone in the workplace.

    Of course now after having enough time to reflect I realize that I reacted too impulsively and according to my feelings. I'm an INFP. I regret this and realize that it's up to him if he wants to tell me or not and that has probably nothing to do with his feelings for me. Just hoping that he knows me well enought to understand that it's had nothing to do with clingeness but hurt feelings. A shame.
    Dude, I'm an INFP and this wreaks of emotional manipulation. Friendship means commitment/stability/loyalty as much as trust. It means you don't throw a tantrum and break off a relationship if you don't mean it. If you have real grounds, and you mean it, that's one thing. If you have really shaky grounds, and you don't mean it, you're just hurt, but rather than explain that you're hurt you sever a relationship, that's immaturity, not being authentic - sorry. It's hard to be friends with someone who isn't stable.

  7. #7
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    If you're the one who did something regrettable, why would you wait for him to contact you first? That just makes no sense at all. The last thing you said to him was that you are ending the friendship -- how would he guess that you now want him to contact you just a few days later?

  8. #8
    figsfiggyfigs
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    People are not mind readers. If you want to apologize, you should tell him you regret what you did. Be honest and direct.

  9. #9
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    Just take ownership and contact them.
    Im out, its been fun

  10. #10
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    He'd not likely to know unless you tell him, he could believe that by refraining from contacting you he is doing what you want him to do. Also, this is just me but if something like this actually happens to me I tend to decide that the other important things I've got going on should take priority, you've only so much time to divide between different things anyway as it is, including friendships and if someone else closes one down what can you do about that?

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