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  1. #11
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simbad View Post
    This has got nothing to do with emotional manipulation. I don't see anything wrong in expressing your hurt feelings. Some people are just open. One says INTJ's like openess and truth. That is what I was doing - being open about my true feelings namely hurt. Threre was no hidden intention behind this i.e. wanting him to feel bad or whatever.

    But for me friendship includes trust. And if the my so called friend doesn't trust me enought to tell me where is now working. After all he got another job in a different town he probably doesn't trust me enought. He got thrown out of his manager job and doesn't want anyone to know at the moment where he is now working. Which I can fully understand. Only I wouldn't have told anyone in the workplace.

    Of course now after having enough time to reflect I realize that I reacted too impulsively and according to my feelings. I'm an INFP. I regret this and realize that it's up to him if he wants to tell me or not and that has probably nothing to do with his feelings for me. Just hoping that he knows me well enought to understand that it's had nothing to do with clingeness but hurt feelings. A shame.
    No. There is a reason he didn't tell you. I assure you, if he shared this on Facebook and not with you personally, there is a reason. And if anyone EVER used the term "so called friend" about me, I would never want to talk to them again. You are trying to make this into his fault and it's not. It's your own emotional knee jerk reaction to something that has nothing to do with you at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by Evan View Post
    If you're the one who did something regrettable, why would you wait for him to contact you first? That just makes no sense at all. The last thing you said to him was that you are ending the friendship -- how would he guess that you now want him to contact you just a few days later?
    Right. I don't understand this either. If someone said - I'm ending this friendship, I'd take that literally. I'd also think they have drama queen tenancies and it's probably for the best.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Moonstone3's Avatar
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    Be honest. Contact him and be straightforward. I'm sure there is more than a reasonable explanation for why he didn't tell you.
    The reason, more than likely, has nothing to do with you.
    Also, he probably felt he didn't have to explain himself. That was his decision. Everyone has the right to better their life. He obviously felt that was a good move.
    If someone explodes their emotions on me, I step back. Close off. Run for the hills. Etc.
    But we INTJs appreciate honesty, and apologies. Rest assured, the only way you will be talking to him is if you apologize and contact him. My best friend is an INFJ, and she explodes often. She will call after about 2 weeks, and even then, I let the phone ring for another week or so, so she gets it. If she calls me and lets me know she understands where she went batshit crazy, then I continue the friendship. But, there have been many times I would throw it away in a heartbeat if she doesn't understand where she went wrong.
    Also, you might expect a few harsh words, or drawing of the lines when you talk to him.
    What is normal to one, is incomprehensible to another.

    ALL anger in this world stems from a lack of control.


    All of reality bows to the illusion of life and death.

  3. #13
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    I will contact him sooner or later as I don't want to loose him. But at the moment I'm a bit worried that he won't accept my apology. After all if I'm quite honest if someone cut of their friendship with me for no logical understandable reason and then changed their minds 2 months later I don't think I would be interested in keeping contact. I would presume that this person doesn't know what they really want, is unreliable and doesn't know me at all.

    And the worse thing about it is that I think I jumped to conclusions and accused him of something which didn't even enter his head. But like I said im my previous email at the time I felt hurt and acted impulsively. The question is "how well does he know me".

    Not only that but if I apologize perhaps he will think I'm pleading and being weak. And that might be a real turn off for him.

    By the way he's a middle aged INTJ and very mature.

    What do you INTJ's suggest?

  4. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    Right. I don't understand this either. If someone said - I'm ending this friendship, I'd take that literally. I'd also think they have drama queen tenancies and it's probably for the best.
    I'd be inclined to think that too, although I'm not that inclined to find anyone like that in my circle of close friends to begin with.

  5. #15
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simbad View Post
    I will contact him sooner or later as I don't want to loose him. But at the moment I'm a bit worried that he won't accept my apology. After all if I'm quite honest if someone cut of their friendship with me for no logical understandable reason and then changed their minds 2 months later I don't think I would be interested in keeping contact. I would presume that this person doesn't know what they really want, is unreliable and doesn't know me at all.

    And the worse thing about it is that I think I jumped to conclusions and accused him of something which didn't even enter his head. But like I said im my previous email at the time I felt hurt and acted impulsively. The question is "how well does he know me".

    Not only that but if I apologize perhaps he will think I'm pleading and being weak. And that might be a real turn off for him.

    By the way he's a middle aged INTJ and very mature.

    What do you INTJ's suggest?
    You were in the wrong in the first place. There was no particular need for you to know about something in his life if it didn't concern you so contact him and apologise if you want to keep the chance at friendship. I assume if you had emotional issues at the time tell him as part of the apology. If not... well... question things.

  6. #16
    morose bourgeoisie
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