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  1. #1
    Senior Member think2much's Avatar
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    Default deal with social cues

    I'm having hard time dealing with this. Most people think I'm bit autistic cause I don't fully understand social cues. I find it bit of an insult cause people use social cues to tell you things they don't want to say. which makes me frustrated, I'm always stright forward and honest with people and I expect them to do the same. I get confused if they're telling the truth or giving me a social cues.

    example I just made up.
    me: wanna go out next friday
    her: oh I'm busy (social cues or actully busy)
    gets on chat
    me: what's up
    her: good
    me: anything new
    her: I'll be back in 5minutes (social cues?)
    me: k

    I hate dealing with social cues, if I wanted to speak with that person I would just drop contact right away. ignore phone call, never replies to text, dont' even look at the person if I met them in person.. or just stright up tell them.

    I just don't know most of time if they're trying to give me a hint or just being honest. I think I was meant to be hermit forever.

    EDIT: other example, I'll call you back but never calls me back. what is this?

  2. #2
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Try not to care about anything other than what they say or/and do.

    Naturally there are exceptions to this, like when someone is obviously displaying emotions, but denying them, that is unless s/he denies them multiple times.

    If someone wont call even tho he promised, it might be just that he forgot, call him back if you want, if he doesent pick up the phone and wont call back(even tho its obvious he saw the call), call once later if you want or wait if he calls you back in the future. Trying to Ti over social cues wont lead to anywhere, other than headache..
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  3. #3
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by think2much View Post
    I hate dealing with social cues, if I wanted to speak with that person I would just drop contact right away. ignore phone call, never replies to text, dont' even look at the person if I met them in person..
    Consider that this is a social cue as much as constantly being "busy" is, or not calling you back. In other words, you're using the cue of avoiding talking to them rather than just telling them "I don't like you, go away". So you're not some crazy antisocial person who doesn't do social cues, you're just maybe calibrated to a different scale than many people.
    -end of thread-

  4. #4
    Senior Member think2much's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    Consider that this is a social cue as much as constantly being "busy" is, or not calling you back. In other words, you're using the cue of avoiding talking to them rather than just telling them "I don't like you, go away". So you're not some crazy antisocial person who doesn't do social cues, you're just maybe calibrated to a different scale than many people.
    guess it's a social cue but I don't lead them on by saying "maby" or "next time". Most of time when people I ask me I just tell them stright up that I just don't want to.

  5. #5
    sswwwaagggg gmanyo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by think2much View Post
    EDIT: other example, I'll call you back but never calls me back. what is this?
    This particular example is probably just forgetfulness or laziness. On the other hand, it might not be sincere, but if they don't want to call you back this isn't a social cue, they're probably just trying to get you off of their back by making it seem like they'll call you back.

    I find it odd that ENTPs are really good at sizing up social situations and INTPs are not. Except it doesn't really matter because ENTPs don't seem to really follow these social cues; they just know about them. I actually find it hard to act normal even if I understand the social situation.
    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    I'm starting to see you and your avatar as a cloud of odor that eminates from trashy threads.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Porcelain Hearts's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gmanyo View Post
    This particular example is probably just forgetfulness or laziness. On the other hand, it might not be sincere, but if they don't want to call you back this isn't a social cue, they're probably just trying to get you off of their back by making it seem like they'll call you back.

    I find it odd that ENTPs are really good at sizing up social situations and INTPs are not. Except it doesn't really matter because ENTPs don't seem to really follow these social cues; they just know about them. I actually find it hard to act normal even if I understand the social situation.
    I can totally agree with ENTPs blithely disregarding social cues. I'd drop the enneagram 5 thoughts so you don't allow it to deconstruct your integrity. Everything else is based on a matter of will.

  7. #7
    sswwwaagggg gmanyo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Porcelain Hearts View Post
    I can totally agree with ENTPs blithely disregarding social cues. I'd drop the enneagram 5 thoughts so you don't allow it to deconstruct your integrity. Everything else is based on a matter of will.
    What exactly do you mean by ennegram 5 thoughts? I don't really know ennegram.
    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    I'm starting to see you and your avatar as a cloud of odor that eminates from trashy threads.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Porcelain Hearts's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gmanyo View Post
    What exactly do you mean by ennegram 5 thoughts? I don't really know ennegram.
    I like this source the best. > http://www.enneagram.net/types.html

    A lot of Introverted-Intuitives happen to fall as 5 types. It's a tendency to have thoughts in the gray area, that could mean creating something they haven't experienced. They'll feel more independent if they're not contingent on people's social obligations. It's a notion not uncommon to render something innocuous as a social cue.

    Quote Originally Posted by Enneagram Institute
    Fives are not interested in exploring what is already familiar and well-established; rather, their attention is drawn to the unusual, the overlooked, the secret, the occult, the bizarre, the fantastic, the “unthinkable.”
    http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/typefive.asp
    I think this rings close to type Six as well, who highly value security of trust. I think I'm more 4w5 though because I trust easily, I'm more expressive and I embrace my emotions, not to mention I hate passive aggressiveness. I'll often address or confront a "social cue" if I feel I've been unfairly mispositioned.

  9. #9
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    I'm actually (internally) sensitive to social cues when I am paying attention, but I may appear to not be. Most of the time, I am either thinking about something other than the social cue (which makes me seem oblivious) or I ignore them (because I don't agree with that certain social "rule").

  10. #10
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    From the perspective of someone who is annoyed by social cues but at the same time feels like they're necessary... it's a matter of being able to take what you give. That is, avoiding the cold hard truth, if that's not what you want to get in return. (Also, if you don't want people to think you're a jerk -- because if you avoid softening your blunt statements most of the time, chances are a lot of people will think you're a jerk, regardless of whether you are one or not.)

    For example, if someone comes up to you and asks if they can talk to you, and you reeeeeeeeeally don't want to talk to the person, you can either say "No I don't want to talk to you", or "Crap, I wish I could, but I've got somewhere to be"*. And in my case (maybe not in your case), I wouldn't want someone to say "No I don't want to talk to you", because that kind of statement gives me the gut reaction of "God, what an asshole!" and instant dislike of the person (and it hurts my feelings too), so I don't want people to react the same way towards me.

    *Regarding an earlier post in the thread, when you were asking why people add the "I wish I could", or equivalent misleading statement, it's because if you just said "Crap, I've got somewhere to be", it would be viewed almost exactly the same way as -- or maybe even worse than -- the honest statement.
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    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



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