Address the issues intellectually. Recognize and accept how different you both really are, then take the necessary steps to make things better. She's probably a fetishist, and will likely be a freak in bed. You should learn how to address that topic and comfort her in this area, as it will better the sex you have, and in turn your life. When you realize that you are very different, no matter how close your "letters" are, then you realize that you'll have to do *things* to keep it all together.
Also, remember to fight conventional norms throughout your entire relationship. Not only are you different from each other, but you are different from those for which (and by which) the norms were created. INTJs value (the) security (of marriage) to some degree, and you just want to be done with it, but ensure that this is the right step for the both of you at this time. Is this step actually necessary? You are both intellectuals, so learn to intellectualize and sort through issues apart, then together. You don't recognize or place as particularly important the bond this creates, but one is created, and it helps.
You should do any and everything you can think of to keep this thing together, and after the pain of the learning experience is over, you will both be better for making such a conscious decision. Basically, grow together.
If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out.
Some personality typing related tips:
1. Try to be like each other's dual every once in a while. You do the nurturing comforting thing done by ESFJs, and you seduce/trick her into doing the sex/perceiving thing done by ESFPs. Try to be firm and judgmental (of course it should be relevant) every once in a while. Of course you both recognize that you are different and not each other's dual, so its like a show that you put on every once in a while.
2. Plan adventures together.
3. Fight through emotion. She's more emotional than you, even though it won't seem like it. You'll need to work through her feelings that she won't even realize she's having. Of course, get some help with this, and learn learn learn. As a matter of fact, get her to get you to do it.
4. She'll start nagging at some point. Fight to keep it relevant and to a minimum. Promote efficiency in nagging (batch things up, relax a bit, etc).. I'm certain she'll respond to it. And realize that you'll have to spell out every issue you have with each other so that you can both come up with a solution that is comfortable for each of you.
5. Don't be afraid to fight it out, and realize that sometimes a verbal fight can be a great reliever of tension. However, it has to make sense, and it shouldn't be a scenario in which you find yourself very often.
