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  1. #11
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    Address the issues intellectually. Recognize and accept how different you both really are, then take the necessary steps to make things better. She's probably a fetishist, and will likely be a freak in bed. You should learn how to address that topic and comfort her in this area, as it will better the sex you have, and in turn your life. When you realize that you are very different, no matter how close your "letters" are, then you realize that you'll have to do *things* to keep it all together.

    Also, remember to fight conventional norms throughout your entire relationship. Not only are you different from each other, but you are different from those for which (and by which) the norms were created. INTJs value (the) security (of marriage) to some degree, and you just want to be done with it, but ensure that this is the right step for the both of you at this time. Is this step actually necessary? You are both intellectuals, so learn to intellectualize and sort through issues apart, then together. You don't recognize or place as particularly important the bond this creates, but one is created, and it helps.

    You should do any and everything you can think of to keep this thing together, and after the pain of the learning experience is over, you will both be better for making such a conscious decision. Basically, grow together.

    If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out.

    Some personality typing related tips:

    1. Try to be like each other's dual every once in a while. You do the nurturing comforting thing done by ESFJs, and you seduce/trick her into doing the sex/perceiving thing done by ESFPs. Try to be firm and judgmental (of course it should be relevant) every once in a while. Of course you both recognize that you are different and not each other's dual, so its like a show that you put on every once in a while.

    2. Plan adventures together.

    3. Fight through emotion. She's more emotional than you, even though it won't seem like it. You'll need to work through her feelings that she won't even realize she's having. Of course, get some help with this, and learn learn learn. As a matter of fact, get her to get you to do it.

    4. She'll start nagging at some point. Fight to keep it relevant and to a minimum. Promote efficiency in nagging (batch things up, relax a bit, etc).. I'm certain she'll respond to it. And realize that you'll have to spell out every issue you have with each other so that you can both come up with a solution that is comfortable for each of you.

    5. Don't be afraid to fight it out, and realize that sometimes a verbal fight can be a great reliever of tension. However, it has to make sense, and it shouldn't be a scenario in which you find yourself very often.

  2. #12
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Engineers?
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  3. #13
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    from my experience with INTJs that would equal a "waste of money", but my experience is mostly with men INTJs.

    edit: LOL...and not dating or relationships...just personality wise
    Im out, its been fun

  4. #14
    small potatoes NotOfTwo's Avatar
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    I have always been attracted to INTJ's, I think it can be a good fit.
    "It's never enough." The Cure

  5. #15
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Meaning View Post
    3. Fight through emotion. She's more emotional than you, even though it won't seem like it. You'll need to work through her feelings that she won't even realize she's having. Of course, get some help with this, and learn learn learn. As a matter of fact, get her to get you to do it.
    Are you saying this because INTJ tert Fi should be stronger than INTP inferior Fe? I have found INTJs (myself included) to appear more passionate sometimes than INTPs in promoting their own ideas, but otherwise see little difference between the two types.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  6. #16
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    I wrote sort of a tongue in cheek interaction guide to INTPs a while ago, which was inspired by and partially based on this blog post I saw about INTP-INTJ relationships. Give it/them a read. Although if you have specific issues you should just stop beating around the bush and reveal them so we can more accurately analyze what's happening.



  7. #17
    Junior Member DeweyCheatem-n-Howe's Avatar
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    Thanks for the links, and thanks all for your experiences. In a nutshell, I am already married to an INTJ (have been for several years), and we tend to ignore each other. My scatterbrained nature drives her insane, and her attempts to "fix" my way of approaching life pisses me off. What's interesting to me is that I've become more and more interested in MBTI theory, but every time I try to talk to her about it she gets angry, claiming that it's BS and I'm just using it as an excuse not to be organized.

    Off to read the links from Mott the Hoople... erm, Jock the Motie.

  8. #18
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DeweyCheatem-n-Howe View Post
    Thanks for the links, and thanks all for your experiences. In a nutshell, I am already married to an INTJ (have been for several years), and we tend to ignore each other. My scatterbrained nature drives her insane, and her attempts to "fix" my way of approaching life pisses me off. What's interesting to me is that I've become more and more interested in MBTI theory, but every time I try to talk to her about it she gets angry, claiming that it's BS and I'm just using it as an excuse not to be organized.

    Off to read the links from Mott the Hoople... erm, Jock the Motie.
    I can completely understand this. I couldn't function in a relationship with it either and I only know that because of MBTI. The only other thing I can suggest is therapy/counseling but when people get to that stage, it's often too late but individually it could be very beneficial.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  9. #19
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DeweyCheatem-n-Howe View Post
    Thanks for the links, and thanks all for your experiences. In a nutshell, I am already married to an INTJ (have been for several years), and we tend to ignore each other. My scatterbrained nature drives her insane, and her attempts to "fix" my way of approaching life pisses me off. What's interesting to me is that I've become more and more interested in MBTI theory, but every time I try to talk to her about it she gets angry, claiming that it's BS and I'm just using it as an excuse not to be organized.

    Off to read the links from Mott the Hoople... erm, Jock the Motie.
    Considering the above, it's a wonder you two got married in the first place. Where you that incompatible early on or is this a new development?



  10. #20
    Junior Member DeweyCheatem-n-Howe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    Considering the above, it's a wonder you two got married in the first place. Where you that incompatible early on or is this a new development?
    A good question, and one I'm hesitant to try to answer as I am struggling to separate the "grass is greener" POV from reality. I was infatuated, so all of her flaws I ignored, and I was in full "adapt to the expectations of whoever you're trying to impress" mode so my flaws were hidden. In hindsight, we got married waaaaaaaay too fast.

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