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  1. #1
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    Default ENTP (NT) Going back to Ex's

    Hay ENTP's

    So here's a thing for you about Ex's

    A few months back I met an ENTP and we hit it off right away, like never be for! After a couple of month's he started to change and got really flirty with me.
    I'm bad at picking up signals but I would say he's interested. He teases me, plays with me,touches me, facebooks me regularly told a mutual fried he 'really likes me' and cheers me up at any hint of a frown, he takes time to spend 1 on 1 time with me (a couple of times has got me sneak off with him) most of his friends have asked me out so I guess he'd find me attractive

    Ok so Iv done nothing about this other than reciprocate his friendliness and be myself. I take time to get to know someone regardless of if I'm interested in them or not. Also I fear doing the wrong thing and miss reading signals.

    THE THING IS.

    He's not long out of a long term relationship him and his ex share a lot of close mutual Friends.
    After 6-7 months of no sign of her she's now back on the scene out with us (big group of friends) all the time.
    She's gorgeous, charming, slightly obsessed and wants him back big time! At first he was very cold toward her but he seems to be warming a little, but is that the start of them rekindling the romance? or is he just being kind and likes to see her?

    His interest in me seemed unaffected but it put me right off. More so all our Friends seem to think they are an amazing couple and have broken up be for and got back together a few times. like its written in the stars.
    Though I would say the relationship sounds very cooked to me like it has nowhere to go, a futile kind of love.
    He himself does not view the relationship through rose tinted spectacles, Iv picked up on a few comments he's made.
    since she's turned up I felt really intimated and she's clung onto me which is frightening. I know he's interest in me is not to make her jealous because most of our close friendship has been 1 on 1 behind closed doors.

    But also

    He is at a very important stage of his life she left him at a very bad time and he must have been very hurt. He's doing amazingly well having beaten an illness.

    He's exploring his freedom and health,doing lots with his business and genuinely enjoying life and his many interests. I don't think he's ready for anything big right now but none the less we have met and there is chemistry.

    I want something small to start slowly but maybe he thinks I'm like most other girls who just want it all right now.

    I don't want him to feel like anything between us would get in the way of what he needs right now. Its so great to see him doing well.
    However I feel stilted by the situation I don't want to put pressure on him but I also need to see him more and have more attention from him to allow me to feel comfortable enough to reciprocate more and to get over the presence of his ex. I see him maybe once a month in a group
    I need to know for sure wat he thinks of me, if Im wrong I'll just move on and distance myself
    I fear i may lose a great guy, as at the moment he's not getting much off me in terms of romantic signals (Im rubbish at this at the best of times).
    I guess he still loves her or at least holds a great deal of affection, this is normal and Im fine with that it fades with time. Also I guess he's misses her, i miss my ex he was best friend.

    So if you could help me for the sake answering my questions and for the general ENTP discussion on it that would be really great because Im stuck on this.

    So your thoughts please

    Great ENTP idea on what to do. So many problems! If there was no Ex and he could drink we would have done it by now!

    The draw of an ex long to term lover you miss V's the potential of new one your just getting to know that is very different to the ex.

    Do you go back and why? when would you call over?

    Does he seem interested to you?

    How do I show an interest?

    If he loses interest in me due to lack of signals, is it possible to get it back?

    thank you your great X

    Im new here so I hope to stick around.

    P.S I know Im just getting a few ideas off people, Im just so stuck on this one thats all helps the heaps of anlysis going on at the mo.

    Thank you, thank you . . Much sorry its a long post.

  2. #2
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ness View Post
    The draw of an ex long to term lover you miss V's the potential of new one your just getting to know that is very different to the ex.
    How do you know he misses her? You say you guess that's the case because you miss yours but I don't believe that is a fair presumption.

    For me the question you've posed in the quote is so not a fair competition on any level whatsoever. Door 1 involves something from the past, something that has a known outcome, at the point that it ended it can be difficult and if the other person is ending things you can not want it to end and do/say what you feel you need in order to keep it going, but once it ends it's done, I move on, fast. Door 2, presuming I am interested is a future of unknowns, possibilities, new adventures, in short; everything that excites an ENTP.

    New beats old hands down.

    So no, I would never go back, partly because once bitten twice shy, but mostly because if it didn't work the first time I would have no expectations for anything different in the future, if she left me once then clearly I don't matter enough to her to work through difficulties. If someone doesn't want me, I do not want them.

    As to his interest, probably, but no one can tell you any more than you already know as you're the one telling us.

    As to your expression of interest, I can be oblivious to attention when I don't expect it, and over sensitive to analyse every little thing they do when I am, the best answer is to make it clear that you are interested then step back, if he reciprocates no doubt he will do something about it. There generally isn't a window of [must show interest here or it will never happen] so not having shown anything in the past doesn't mean you can't do so now and have him jump on board. If you want to take things slower than most girls would, tell him. ENTPs appreciate direct communication, a lot.

  3. #3
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Can I has short version of op please ?
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  4. #4
    Senior Membrane spirilis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    Can I has short version of op please ?
    1. ENTP guy got dumped by some chick at a bad time, when he was ill (what a wretch)
    2. ENTP totally has the hots for Ness
    3. Ness is confused as to whether ENTP guy misses/wants to get back with the wretched ex but there's probably not much love lost anyway with what ENTP's ex did to him.
    4. Ness is hesitant to reciprocate fully until she feels the situation's a slam dunk (IMO)
    5. Ness might not fully understand *how* to reciprocate to this guy

    Ready, set, GO!
    intp | type 9w1 sp/sx/so

  5. #5
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spirilis View Post
    1. ENTP guy got dumped by some chick at a bad time, when he was ill (what a wretch)
    2. ENTP totally has the hots for Ness
    3. Ness is confused as to whether ENTP guy misses/wants to get back with the wretched ex but there's probably not much love lost anyway with what ENTP's ex did to him.
    4. Ness is hesitant to reciprocate fully until she feels the situation's a slam dunk (IMO)
    5. Ness might not fully understand *how* to reciprocate to this guy

    Ready, set, GO!
    Thanks, you are the best !

    Hmhmhm, difficult situation. I'ld say Ness hesistant approach is definitly a good thing. Most definitly both things are possible, namely him still thinking of the ex or him not thinking of the ex no more.

    What I find startling is that the fiction if someone is dedicated to his girl fully or not could be type dependant. I mean we all have our history and with growing age this becomes more complex and sometimes problematic. I doubt that after the first time you fell in love you will ever be the same again. Still the situation here is a bit more grave and therefore I think being hesistant is in order. Trieing to build something new with the entp would be a good idea, creating a new relationship with him before you commit would be a good thing. If you too then have build something special for you two and he is still there, there is a huge chance. If he grows impatient and leaves you because he doesnt get to slam dunk then he aint over his ex yet / has other problems.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  6. #6
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    I'd proceed with caution and eyes wide open. Stop circling around each other and once you actually have your first date and hit it of, ask him point blank about his ex. It's your right to know what you're getting into.

    The red flags for me are that 1) he's broken up and gotten together with her before 2) she's the one who dumped him this time 3) all of his friends are on their 'team'

    However, until you get his side of the story, it's all conjecture.

    Getting caught up in someone's else's messy on again/off again situation sounds gross. Blech.

    If he's a stand up guy and he truly does like you, he'll make sure that situation is totally over and cleaned up before proceeding with you.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  7. #7
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    @spirilis

    God bless you!

    1. I read a study showing INFJs as the MOST risk averse of ALL types (including ISTJs, etc.) investors.

    She is over-thinking it as I guess INFJs do with most everything, esp. ppl-related.


    Think of the worst-case realistic scenario (not sci-fi pls). Accept it and get over it.
    Then close your eyes and go for it.

    If you feel you can't get over the worst-case, don't do it. Problem is assessing what's realistic for Ni-Fe-Ti.

    It's like getting into the pool on a hot day - you can drag it out or just close your eyes and jump.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ness View Post
    Hay ENTP's

    So here's a thing for you about Ex's
    talk about a huge source of confusions....

    to answer your question: if i came to believe i learned how to make things play out differently and overcome the problems that where there and that our connection would be able to regrow organically, i would go back to my ex in a heartbeat (fortunately to anyone who'd get involved with me, i am not there yet, and i am pretty sure my exwife hates my guts). but that doesn't mean the same applies to your ENTP - who made the decision to leave, him or her?

    now let's get this out of the way: i don't know if this applies to you but i know from my ex and from other forums that it is extremely common for INFJs to doorslam those who have hurt them... your ENTP isn't likely to ever do that to his ex. not know, probably not if you get together, probably not if you two get married and have children. they will probably drift apart if you play your cards right, but he's not going to doorslam her. you might judge her negatively for hurting him, but when his thinking about the pain she caused him its most likely along the lines of "thank you for the lessons and experiences that enriched my life dear", and closing off options is not something that will ever make sense to him. in short: anything you do, you will have to do it while she's in his life.

    now... unless your really good at it (and your saying your not), stop with the signals games. learn from another INFJ who got her ENTP right where she wanted him (well, me): my exwife who i was somewhat interested in at the time, obsessively tried to kill me in a roleplaying game, and when i asked her why is she trying to mentally kill me, she told me that if she won't kill me she'll have to glomp me. you'd think that would be enough, but no, it was barely an echo in my head asking "what is she trying to say? so is she flirting with me? am i out of the loop on a joke? and what is glomp?". she ended up admitting to me that she wants and has being thinking about me sexually and has being... the point is she's an INFJ who saw an ENTP she liked and she got what she wanted.

    so put your Ni aside, i know that telling you to not think about the future is pointless but for now don't communicate it, instead just communicate what you want now: him.
    no romance, nothing that make him consider that having you would be choosing you over his ex, just that you like him and want him, preferably with less clothes.
    and after sex, talk about something interesting, an idea, a thought, throw some Ni seeds around until one catches on to an awesome brainstorm.

    lock your inferior Si-Se tails and dominant Ni-Ne eyes onto the resulting physical & intellectual chemistry like there's no tomorrow... except, you know its probably going to be about tomorrow, because that's sort of how intuition works, so maybe work it like there's no yesterday. you get what i am saying, now go get him - shake those functions girl! let's have an INFJ/ENTP relationship that makes it damn it!

  9. #9

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    Ness, come back! Read our advice! Tell us what happened!

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by allegorystory View Post
    Ness, come back! Read our advice! Tell us what happened!
    argh i didn't even think to look at the dates - join date 25 of jan, last activity 26th of jan...

    i think she was a one day poster. we lost her and will never find out what happens.

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