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  1. #11
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ness View Post
    I guess he still loves her or at least holds a great deal of affection, this is normal and Im fine with that it fades with time. Also I guess he's misses her, i miss my ex he was best friend.
    I want to ask, how do you know any of this? Not just the quote, but in pretty much anything you've inferred. How many times have you seen him interact with said ex? It sounds like there hasn't been much affection between them whatsoever and that he's just doing this to try to get along in the group since his ex is apart of that. Maybe they're still "friends", sure, but if she left him during a very difficult time why do you think he would get back with her? It sounds like you're paranoid because you like him a lot.

    If he wanted to get back with her THAT badly I'm sure he would have already done that by now; and it would have nothing to do with how they interact in a group. Everything you've said basically tells me that anyone who is somewhat sane wouldn't get back with her. If she left him during a really hard time then she may do it again. That could be either way... she could have left either because things legitimately weren't working out and the time was inconvenient or she just didn't want to deal with whatever the hard time was and I suppose took the selfish route and it wasn't meant to be. What a bunch of friends think doesn't matter... it's how you feel about him and the potential that matters.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  2. #12
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    Ahh I'm back! Thank you so much for your advise and replies it's all great. I never intended to be a one time poster I just got really consumed by this was all over the place looking answers.

    The update is: I let string out for ages, to frightened to make a move. he carried on showing an interest, the ex became more and more present on the social scene. I got completely immobilized by the situation and barley spoke to him.

    He just in the last two weeks gave up some of the interest. Some how we have had an email correspondence going for a while.
    It started with him apologising for debating me to hard as he thought he had offended me. it had xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx at the end

    From there and my reply he started to psychoanalyze, and insisted I was insecure! I am not! he insisted "me and you were both have issues" "we are both by nature complicated people" and giving me all this advise and knowledge. So I wrote him a full psyco profile of myself and complete explanation and pointed out several times he was wrong. his reply was "I want to read this but I'm really busy right now I have 5 essays to do, I understand you don't want to be seen as insecure xxxxxxxxxx" Fair enough that's true he is busy.

    Then I just felt like I had exposed myself so much why not just tell him how I feel. So I wrote him message told him i really liked him, think his amazing for getting through every thing and that I'm pretty impressed and bowled over. Explained my confusion and why I didn't really show any interest. Told him everybody was telling me he was getting back with his ex and so forth, the lot. I haven't had a reply but then specifically didn't ask for one. I just want to see happens when I see him.


    So I guess I'm hoping that I haven't missed my window of opportunity or made my self look to insane

    That's it.

  3. #13
    Riva
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    You did the right thing I believe. It was the perfect opportunity to confess your feelings .

    Now he has to choose. He can't continue to just flirt around with you and keep such close contact with his EX.

    Good luck with everything. And do keep us updated .

  4. #14
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    rooting for you @Ness !
    hope you'll both get what you want out of it.

  5. #15
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    I have a bad feeling, it's all gone wrong. He's insisting that I'm insecure and said he can't read any more of my messages. I don't even know if he's bothered reading the one in about me telling him I really liked him

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ness View Post
    I have a bad feeling, it's all gone wrong. He's insisting that I'm insecure and said he can't read any more of my messages. I don't even know if he's bothered reading the one in about me telling him I really liked him
    ..use a different medium.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ness View Post
    I have a bad feeling, it's all gone wrong. He's insisting that I'm insecure and said he can't read any more of my messages. I don't even know if he's bothered reading the one in about me telling him I really liked him
    There are over 3-billion men in the world, why do you want this specific man? He insulted you and he's clearly not feeling a special attraction for you.

    Consider this: ENTP males want to pursue. But you've robbed him of that with your neediness. And by needy I mean all of your candid explanations defending yourself (that you're not insecure) and explaining how you feel about him, ugh, don't do that. He doesn't deserve it and he knows it. Your behavior is so common and boring, and that's why he sees you as insecure. It doesn't matter what you say in your messages. Frankly, I wouldn't read them either because your actions prove you *are* insecure. (Surely you have experienced needy men that do that. Try to put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel reading those same messages if he sent them to you?)

    Being direct with your ENTP (the way you did in writing) is a good thing when you're on a date and the feelings are mutual. But you're not there yet!

    The only appropriate response to an ENTP that calls you "insecure" (when you didn't deserve it) is a short & sweet (non-emo) response:
    -laugh- "I don't think you can handle me." -confidently walk away-
    Something like that will make an ENTP curious to get to know the *real* you. Let your actions prove how secure you really are; agree with him that you're not a match and walk away from disrespect.

  8. #18
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    Ahh I see what you mean, your but you’ve misunderstood.

    He suffers from social anxiety which he interprets as being insecure.
    He’s noticed my behaviour is different, I am the only introvert in a the gang bar and ISFP that’s takes a lot of drugs and gets pretty wild

    He’s also noticed I’m nervous around him and that I’m often fairly reflective and quiet, he’s put two and two together and got 25. He’s interpreted that as me having social and anxiety, thus I must be insecure. I also ‘get him’ something we have sort of discussed and so he assumes we must be the same.

    All I did was send and email, explaining introversion and anaemia (im often on the vrge of fainting without mdication) with web links.

    I explained somewhat how my introversion effects me and a few things I prove that I’m not insecure, such as my awesomeness, beyond that he can think what he likes I wont ram a point, I don’t need to.

    He’s done all the chasing; I’m a couple of years older than him and FAR from needy in person.

    I think Iv blown it because I think I left it to long to confess, and also he may not read the confession email as he has to Finnish off a massive thesis in literature, which requires a lot of reading. That’s why he can’t read any more of my messages, brain fry.
    I’m worried he’s missed out the juicy one thinking it was more argumentative psychobabble, which is of course I understand low on his priority list of reading.

    The confession and the insecure debate were done separately.

    I live with his best friend I told her everything last night, I keep a lot in I never tell anyone anything. She thinks he’s pushing my buttons for a reaction and has no explaination as to why he's taken to me the way that he has other than he mut of had/has the hots for me.

    Bottom line is I hope I havn’t left it too late maybe he moved on he got no signals from me what so ever. People I have now told are shocked, they had no idea I was into him.

  9. #19
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    @Ness i'm going to say this one more time: my ex-INFJ pretty much admitted to me she's being masturbating about me - its how we started.

    so do that and he's yours!

    ...also you may want a prenup.

  10. #20
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    @Mane I read the reply the morning, he apolagised for flirting, he's not interested Im friend zoned end of story

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