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  1. #1
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    Default NTs in love, relationships, how do you rationalize love? How do you handle feelings?

    As an ENTJ the only woman I ever felt love for was an admitted ENFJ, she also was the only woman in 20 years of life on planet earth to actually intimidate me. I think it was love but it was confusing, I usually am in control with most women, but not her. I couldn't get her out of my head, and I hated that. She drove me insane. People gravitated towards her as if she was the messiah and I was fascinated by that type of control she had on people without actually doing anything. She had a different type of reality distortion field than me. I never perused anything with her, and now she's dating some 27 year old, ex marine, college dropout loser who is fat and works at pizza hut and lives 2 states away, I assume because he is evangelical (another reason she drove me insane). This of course makes me hate her more, but if tomorrow she proposed to me, I would say yes. The 30 Rock character Jack Donaghy's (ENTJ) 18 year long divorce proceedings with Bianca would describe my future with this woman, if I had a future with her. I want to become the next Bill Gates or president of the U.S. to either impress her or prove she made a major mistake in not being with me, or a mixture of the both. Just a weird, friendship, or whatever I had with this girl. I guess the real question is, how the hell do NT types manage love? What do you do when all rationality goes out the window and you have to use your feelings to judge and respond to the needs of another? I can I avoid this in the future? Is it different for ENTPs or INTJs?

  2. #2
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    Love is nothing but a biological signal indicating that the two parties afflicted would make evolutionary desirable offspring.

    How do I deal with that..well, I'd like to think that I'm above primal animalistic desires. As a human, I can override those desires...they don't control me. Forthought, opposable thumbs..etc etc

  3. #3
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    I don't rationalize love. I'm too busy trying to rationalize economics, meteorology, physics, etc. I'd rather let love just be.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  4. #4
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    Well I think love is a mixture of thoughts and feelings and its more-or-less experienced in the same way for all types, that said, every type expresses their feelings (or lack there-of) differently.

    As far as I know ENTJs tend to require themselves to leave a situation in order to process their feelings, they usually act first and then reflect on their feelings (Fi)

    I don't understand your main question though, are you asking if you can avoid using your emotions or experiencing love?

    As an ENTJ you use a minimal amount of the feeling functions as it is, I would suggest getting more in touch with that side rather than trying to eliminate it.

  5. #5
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brian2626 View Post
    I guess the real question is, how the hell do NT types manage love? What do you do when all rationality goes out the window and you have to use your feelings to judge and respond to the needs of another? I can I avoid this in the future? Is it different for ENTPs or INTJs?
    Let me preface my answer by saying that I never describe my relationships or feelings in terms of love. I won't say I don't love, but the term "love" has always seemed too amorphous and imprecise to describe the things I do feel.

    The key to how I manage "love" and related feelings is that all rationality never does go out the window. It gets suspended in certain circumstances, when feelings expand to monopolize my attention. I realize this, though, and take care to make no important decisions until the emotional overload passes, or I can distance myself from it.

    Feelings are information, as are facts and experiences. I don't try to rationalize them away, or suppress them; that would be manipulating the data, or ignoring those anomalous data points that might be pointing to something important. I don't rely on feeling data to the exclusion of all other data, though. These include more objective observations of the other person, the practical realities of the situation, and knowledge of my personal values and priorities. I judge the merits of a relationship and make decisions on how to proceed using all these inputs together.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  6. #6
    ThatGirl
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    The only time I can feel romantic love is when I love from afar. The whole irrationality, not feeling in control of my experience, the situation, having to rely on someone else, is just too much for the way my brain works--specially in the early stages. I feel like "love" brings out the worst in me, and would rather keep it to myself, than be exposed to everyone else, bearing its effects. As a result the first thing to go through my mind when I feel attraction, is to kill it till it dies.

    Isn't that lovely?
    Likes Forever_Jung liked this post

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brian2626 View Post
    how the hell do NT types manage love?
    It ain't easy.

    What do you do when all rationality goes out the window and you have to use your feelings to judge and respond to the needs of another?
    If you're sane and sober, there's no such thing as "all rationality going out the window." You have the power to bring your thoughts and feelings into captivity. Take responsibility.

    I avoid using my feelings to judge and respond to the needs of others because they come and go. I believe love is a choice: this is my family [my friend, my love interest], I will do what's best/right (regardless of how I feel), I will suck it up and apologize when I hurt them, etc.

    Edit: Also, with regard to love & relationships, knowledge has been the most helpful thing for me, which I acquire through books, observing others, experience,...

    how can I avoid this in the future?
    Mind over matter and a leap of faith.

    Is it different for ENTPs or INTJs?
    It's probably even different for individuals.

  8. #8
    Senior Member shoshana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brian2626 View Post
    As an ENTJ the only woman I ever felt love for was an admitted ENFJ, she also was the only woman in 20 years of life on planet earth to actually intimidate me. I think it was love but it was confusing, I usually am in control with most women, but not her. I couldn't get her out of my head, and I hated that. She drove me insane. People gravitated towards her as if she was the messiah and I was fascinated by that type of control she had on people without actually doing anything. She had a different type of reality distortion field than me. I never perused anything with her, and now she's dating some 27 year old, ex marine, college dropout loser who is fat and works at pizza hut and lives 2 states away, I assume because he is evangelical (another reason she drove me insane). This of course makes me hate her more, but if tomorrow she proposed to me, I would say yes. The 30 Rock character Jack Donaghy's (ENTJ) 18 year long divorce proceedings with Bianca would describe my future with this woman, if I had a future with her. I want to become the next Bill Gates or president of the U.S. to either impress her or prove she made a major mistake in not being with me, or a mixture of the both. Just a weird, friendship, or whatever I had with this girl. I guess the real question is, how the hell do NT types manage love? What do you do when all rationality goes out the window and you have to use your feelings to judge and respond to the needs of another? I can I avoid this in the future? Is it different for ENTPs or INTJs?


    your questions made me think of this ted talk i saw a few years ago --absolutely fascinating and you wont feel that you've wasted 15.5 min of your life

    http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/hel...n_in_love.html


    ENTJs are intensely driven and considering the effects of romantic love on the brain I feel that it makes love even more difficult to 'manage'. love is awesome and all of the synapses that she opened up in your brain will be triggered by another person that you might see fit for mating in the future. i think entjs go hard -- we'd either attempt to bring her into our life as a mate or replace her with lovers and friends and activities an other fixations that bring up our dopamine levels until another mate comes along. one thing is for certain i would never personally want to stay in touch with her if i wasn't attempting to win her back in some tangible way. if its over i'm done and trying my best to move foward

  9. #9
    Senior Member shoshana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    The only time I can feel romantic love is when I love from afar. The whole irrationality, not feeling in control of my experience, the situation, having to rely on someone else, is just too much for the way my brain works--specially in the early stages. I feel like "love" brings out the worst in me, and would rather keep it to myself, than be exposed to everyone else, bearing its effects. As a result the first thing to go through my mind when I feel attraction, is to kill it till it dies.

    Isn't that lovely?
    i used to fall in love on the subway all the time for these reasons. ironically i am in love now, and looking back its not the same type of mental fixation (at least it wasnt for me).

  10. #10
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    We be fucked in the head when it comes to emotions.

    Reading the little blurb you wrote in the OP, sounds like you're confusing being jacked around by a drama queen with something deeper and more meaningful. We're also normally quite detached from people so when someone can push your emotion buttons, the impact can be misinterpreted. Look to your childhood and how your parents addressed relationships with each other, with you or with others.

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