User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 23

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    104

    Default INTPs and Forming Romantic Relationships

    I'm not sure if this is the correct forum, so forgive me (or punch me; but be gentle).

    I have a lot of trouble forming romantic relationships with other people. I'm not sure why, but the more somebody forces me into moving into that area, I recoil, and try whatever I can to stay away. I think this comes from trust issues or the inability to connect fully, but I hardly ever fall in love, and almost prefer to be alone than to be with people. Also, I almost never try to have sex with other people, but people try to push themselves on me. I don't understand sex for only the purpose of sex; I'd rather form a genuine and honest relationship, but it seems people only want brief sexual encounters. Maybe this comes from being raised with traditional principles about sex and love, but I feel almost asexual or schizoid when it comes to dating.

    Are there any other INTPs, or for that matter NTs, who feel similar? Maybe I'm thinking too much about people's behaviors, but I hate being pushed into decisions without first mulling over it for a long time.

  2. #2
    Senior Member think2much's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    MBTI
    intp
    Posts
    281

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by So It Goes View Post
    I almost never try to have sex with other people, but people try to push themselves on me.
    how much are you paying them? I honestly can't think how girls would try to push themselves to have sex with me besides my dreams. Are you very funny social INTP or very good looking?


    As for relationship I can't ever have a decent relationship with people. I think some people were just meant to be alone. I spend a lot of time thinking about it and I ask myself if I ever get into a relationship with a girl can I maintain it? I don't think I can but that's because I can't even take care of myself and I don't think I can do that neither.

  3. #3
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INtp
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/so
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    5,091

    Default

    I kind of relate to the OP. I have been in relationships before but compared to most people my experience has been far less than most people my age. Regarding sex, I've only ever had one sexual partner and I've shied away from relationships if I felt he was pushing for sex too fast. I want to wait to have sex until I know I love the person first and its hard for me to truly fall in love with someone. There's people I really like alot and really enjoy their company but if I ask myself do I truly love this person with all my heart and I was really honest with myself, probably not to that degree.

    Not sure how much of an INTP thing this is. I don't worry too much about it though. I don't need a significant other in my life to be happy and I kind of agree with think2much when he says that some people are meant to be alone.
    INtp
    5w6 or 9w1 sp/so/sx, I think
    Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff
    Neutral Good
    LII-Ne




  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by think2much View Post
    how much are you paying them? I honestly can't think how girls would try to push themselves to have sex with me besides my dreams. Are you very funny social INTP or very good looking?


    As for relationship I can't ever have a decent relationship with people. I think some people were just meant to be alone. I spend a lot of time thinking about it and I ask myself if I ever get into a relationship with a girl can I maintain it? I don't think I can but that's because I can't even take care of myself and I don't think I can do that neither.
    I'm not entirely sure; I do go out quite a bit, but I spend time recovering alone too.

    I always feel alone but I prefer it that way. Maybe I don't like committing to someone or something that would take away my freedom or devoting myself to someone who I don't really like romantically. I think, in part, it's because I am uncertain of how I can emotionally handle something; I am very bad at expressing or controlling emotions and often don't show that side to others. It takes me a lot to "open up." For me, it seems all or nothing.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SuchIrony View Post
    I kind of relate to the OP. I have been in relationships before but compared to most people my experience has been far less than most people my age. Regarding sex, I've only ever had one sexual partner and I've shied away from relationships if I felt he was pushing for sex too fast. I want to wait to have sex until I know I love the person first and its hard for me to truly fall in love with someone. There's people I really like alot and really enjoy their company but if I ask myself do I truly love this person with all my heart and I was really honest with myself, probably not to that degree.

    Not sure how much of an INTP thing this is. I don't worry too much about it though. I don't need a significant other in my life to be happy and I kind of agree with think2much when he says that some people are meant to be alone.
    Likewise. I don't like to be pressured into anything. I automatically resist unless I am comfortable in thinking about a decision, although that's probably not the best course in every situation. I put this thread for INTPs because I think there's a big competition between the normal operation (Ti/Ne), who know how things happen and can flow easily, while the surge of inferior Fe seems to intrude and screw up the works. However, I can't simply ignore Fe, for that will help me progress as a person, but it's such an uncomfortable, uneasy, and uncontrollable thing for me.

  6. #6
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    2,152

    Default

    I just posted something similar..though I put it more crudely.

    My problem is more this..I separate girls in to "potentials" and "not potentials". In other words, I know which types of girls I'd want to end up with..(I mean, I don't know for sure, but I can speculate...it's kinda what I do.). I run away from the "potentials" like the plague. The whole "lovey dovey" thing is just so not on my schedule that I can't even begin to fathom how it would develop. I'm still young, and poor, and by no means in any way "settled"..so to me these types of girls would just be a huge distraction. That's not to say I don't befriend them..I just know that they are girls that I'll value down the line..and as such..keeping in contact with them (made a whole lot easier by social media) is enough to "have a stake" if you will, without getting into the whole "relationship abyss". I'm actually really good friends with girls I've had a thing for, for a long time. I don't want to ruin it, especially not now...because I couldn't deal with that relationship pressure. (even if she was agreeable to the whole situation..)

    Then there are the "non potentials"...these girls are basically unnaproachable to me...because all I'm trying to do is get into their pants. I suck at lying..so it's pretty apparent imo. I have issues with "having relations" with someone just for the sake of those relations..and not because you genuinely care about the other person. I mean, I can get over it (lol)...but I still have issues with it. Going up to a girl knowing that you've basically reduced her to a piece of meat you want to masturbate into is extremely intimidating..(someone needs to shoot me...I swear..but I'm just being honest..)
    In sum:
    Sex for sex's sake seems empty.
    Sex for love's sake is way too much.

  7. #7
    Senior Member MiasmaResonance's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w? sp/sx
    Posts
    156

    Default

    I do find it difficult to form relationships, which is why when I manage to form meaningful and emotionally moving relationships, I find them hard to let go.
    "A spill at the plant increased the phosphates in the lake and produced a scum of algae so thick that the swamp smell filled the air, infiltrating the genteel mansions. Debutantes cried over the misfortune of coming out in a season everyone would remember for its bad smell."

  8. #8
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    I do find it hard to form romantic relationships--that's why usually a situation has to present itself that allows me to bypass the usual way of processing things. There has to be a major spark or a major click of personalities, etc. Otherwise, I'll keep them at Ti arm's-length forever and never progress past it. Unfortunately, the major Ti-bypassing situations don't present themselves very often. Sucks to be an INTP sometimes.
    Something Witty

  9. #9
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    8,193

    Default

    Romantic relationships tend to form on the INTPs, rather than the other way around.



  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    104

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I do find it hard to form romantic relationships--that's why usually a situation has to present itself that allows me to bypass the usual way of processing things. There has to be a major spark or a major click of personalities, etc. Otherwise, I'll keep them at Ti arm's-length forever and never progress past it. Unfortunately, the major Ti-bypassing situations don't present themselves very often. Sucks to be an INTP sometimes.
    You described the core of what I felt the other day -- except I had the enemy attempting to infiltrate my Ti-Zone.

    My defenses were up. My sensors detected forces that I had no intention to trust.

    It's hard for me to fake interest when there's no connection (mentally or emotionally).

    There needs to be a powerful outside attack to screw up my data base or I need to gradually trust the unknown forces.

    (I've been watching a lot of war movies lately)

Similar Threads

  1. [INTJ] INTJ and INTJ Romantic Relationships?
    By Bibliophile in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 04-29-2015, 03:16 PM
  2. [MBTItm] intp and isfp relationships
    By passingby in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 35
    Last Post: 03-01-2014, 12:00 PM
  3. [INTP] INTPs and relationships
    By Tessertime in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 02-03-2014, 12:58 AM
  4. [INTP] INTP Women and Being Romantic
    By Hera in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 04-11-2011, 12:58 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO