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Thread: INTPs: If someone is no longer interesting, do you ignore them?

  1. #21
    Superwoman Array Red Herring's Avatar
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    Jun 2010
    5w4 sp/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I don't avoid people; and if they write me or I feel like writing them, I will. But I have noticed my typical relationship pattern with people I don't see daily are basically to meet, connect, have a wild intense exchange that lasts anywhere from a few days to a month, and then the communication speed dwindles to just periodic as the relationship moves into a "maintenance" phase.
    This, exactly.

    I don't shut out people. But somebody on here wrote that any object that hasn't been used/moved in the last 24-48 hours becomes invisible to the INTP and I am under the impression that it works the same way with people. It's: connect, exchange views and information on each other and then the intensity of the contact dwindles. The friendship can remain intact for many years if the other person isn't offended because I only call once every few months - not because I don't care about them but because it doesn't occur to me, either because I don't want to impose myself or, even more likely, because I am so absorbed in whatever else is going on in my head that I forget all about them. That doesn't mean I don't like them any more or don't want to see them or don't enjoy spending time with them. They just disappear from my radar for a while ...and I from theirs, involuntarily, for not calling often enough. But I am almost always grateful and happy when they contact me - it takes some of the burden of friendship maintenence off my shoulders, which is a great relief.

    As for the exchange of knowledge and ideas. Usually a new person will spark my interest in certain new topics. But I don't probe them for information (unless they clearly want to talk about it) but rather use the encounter as an inspiration to do some independent research of my own.
    I do need some amount of human contact, of course, but that is usually in the hands of 1-2 people at a time. Usually a partner and/or a best friend. Everybody else is a nice, pleasant bonus but work to maintain if they expect too much initiative from me. I don't mean any harm - it just usually doesn't occur to me to call no matter how much I like them.
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
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  2. #22
    Junior Member Array
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    Jan 2012


    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    they will want to (and often do) pepper that person with hundreds of questions to get the knowledge for themselves.

    What I wonder is what happens afterwards. Do you, as an INTP, find yourself ignoring that person once the information has been harvested? Or do you not even notice that you have stopped talking to that person?
    Absolutely. I harvest and then bolt. Haha.

    For example, I have never worked in a factory or on a farm. My ENFJ wife drags me to some average couples house for dinner. I storm the husband for some knowledge I dont have and then rape his mind for any knowledge I dont posess and NEVER agree to go back because they got nothing else Im interested in.

    Good times

  3. #23
    Honor Thy Inferior Array Such Irony's Avatar
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    Jul 2010
    5w6 sp/so
    LII Ne


    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I hate to admit it, but yes. I mean, not in a mean way, but I won't actively seek to maintain the relationship. It's not really a conscious thing, though.
    5w6 or 9w1 sp/so/sx, I think
    Neutral Good

  4. #24
    Senior Member Array MiasmaResonance's Avatar
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    Jul 2009
    5w? sp/sx


    Yes, simply put.
    "A spill at the plant increased the phosphates in the lake and produced a scum of algae so thick that the swamp smell filled the air, infiltrating the genteel mansions. Debutantes cried over the misfortune of coming out in a season everyone would remember for its bad smell."

  5. #25
    Anew Leaf


    Thanks for the responses everyone! I was able to hang out with my INTP friend that sparked this thread this past weekend. It was awkward at first but then things fell into their usual chatting about random weirdness kind of routine.

    I'll just chalk the experience up to the mysteries of the e5 dance. .

    I appreciate the various perspectives here that reiterate that it isn't something personal. From where I sit, when it happens to me it IS a personal thing... Because if I did this same behavior, it's because I am either ignoring someone or avoiding them.

  6. #26
    Senior Member Array
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    Oct 2008


    I wouldn't call it "ignoring" as that has negative connotations, INTPs however are somewhat notorious for not making consistent contact, for me personally it's a lack of awareness in passing time due to heavy thinking sessions.

    INTPs are 'intense' in a way, very engaging but then have no problem slipping into the background.

  7. #27
    small potatoes Array NotOfTwo's Avatar
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    Jan 2010


    I understand your irritation. For me, sometimes when I back off, it is because I realize how intense I have been and want to save myself the pain of being backed off from. I know I can become an eager and perhaps annoying puppy when I find someone I enjoy talking to.

    Then again, at times I find out the person has no depths to plumb. Best to fade away then.

    I can't imagine you boring an intp though.
    "It's never enough." The Cure

  8. #28
    right on the left wing Array Philosorapteuse's Avatar
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    Feb 2012


    I'm inclined to do this with people I find boring, even if I once found them interesting. I try not to, because I think it's a shabby way to behave. But I find it very difficult to cope with people whose entire "record collection" I've already heard. I can think someone is a nice person and wish them well, while simultaneously dreading them because they only ever say things they've said before, often gratingly obvious things. For bonus points, they say them as though they're making a novel and fascinating observation. I get the impression that my social skills and liking for company are on the high end of the scale for an INTP, but ARGH. I make active efforts to avoid those people if I possibly can without causing them hurt. I feel bad about it, because I'd be gutted if someone thought about me the way I think about people like that. I don't necessarily dislike these people, per se... but my God, talking to them is like exfoliating my face with a cheesegrater. My first and deepest desire is to tell them to shut up, duct tape their mouth shut, and then never be in the same room again.

  9. #29
    Alexander the Terrible Array yenom's Avatar
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    Aug 2008


    ESTPs are most likely to exhibit that kind behavior, ignoring boring people.
    The fear of poverty turns people into slaves of money.

    "In this Caesar there are many Mariuses"~Sulla

    Conquer your inner demons first before you conquer the world.

  10. #30


    not an intp but I am guilty of this.
    "I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine. "
    -Bruce Lee

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