[INTJ] intj and response

[simbad]

To all intj's.
I'm friends with an intj who i really like. We met at work. But he's left now. So I asked him if we could become email friends. I didn't want to admit to him that i like him. He agreed and we have started sending each other emails. But because I know that intj's like their time alone and don't always want to be disturbed I told him to take his time in answering otherwise I would answer back too quickly. Would an intj respect this or would he know that i am just thinking of him and therefore respond when he wanted to?

 

[Betty Blue]

As far as i can tell INTJ's like you to be direct with them.
If they have said they would like to stay in touch chances are they mean it.
They generally do not bother with people they don't like.
I imagine this person would respect the taking time request, they would take it into consideration and then respond when they wanted to/had time.
Just my twopence worth.

 

[Tiger Owl]

Don't play any games or try to stay 3 steps ahead. Just be forthright and honest with him. No need to rush things but the more honest you are being with him the more honest you will be with yourself about how things are progressing. He will also have a chance to give you legitimate clues to his feelings without hiding deeper based on the obviousness of your tact.
Good luck.

 

[simbad]

hallo earthrekker,

terribly sorry but can you explain what you mean by thiis?

He will also have a chance to give you legitimate clues to his feelings without hiding deeper based on the obviousness of your tact.

 

[highlander]

To all intj's.
I'm friends with an intj who i really like. We met at work. But he's left now. So I asked him if we could become email friends. I didn't want to admit to him that i like him. He agreed and we have started sending each other emails. But because I know that intj's like their time alone and don't always want to be disturbed I told him to take his time in answering otherwise I would answer back too quickly. Would an intj respect this or would he know that i am just thinking of him and therefore respond when he wanted to?

Agree with the other posters. Just tell him directly that you like him and want to remain friends. Of course if you want more than that, then maybe tell him that too or just ask him out. Such honesty might be refreshing. You'll get some kind of answer quickly either way. INTJs, when young, can be amazingly stupid about such things.

 

[Tiger Owl]

hallo earthrekker,

terribly sorry but can you explain what you mean by thiis?

He will also have a chance to give you legitimate clues to his feelings without hiding deeper based on the obviousness of your tact.

No need to apologize. What I mean is he already knows you are thinking of him, you told him so when you showed a desire to stay in touch via email. Just be yourself and be honest, if you are trying too hard to hide and misdirect his attention from the obvious he may think you are playing games. Most INTJ's don't want someone to try to play games with them. If he thinks you are playing games he may retreat from correspondence. My advice is just to be yourself and see where it goes, if he shares interest he may tell you so after a while. Don't base your relational development on his or your MBTI types, just get to know him as an individual and let your knowledge of one another show you how good a fit you are as friends or more. MBTI is useful background information but should not be a determining factor in how a relationship is forged.

 

[ceecee]

Be direct. Don't play games. Tell him that you like him because we aren't always aware of others feelings. Also, you should be expecting a reply in a reasonable amount of time. Don't set the bar so low, we have high expectations and prefer other who do too.

INTJs, when young, can be amazingly stupid about such things.

Yes.

 

[freeeekyyy]

I can't count the number of times somebody tried to express interest in me and it went totally over my head. Be direct.

 

[Mycroft]

Even if I did think somebody was pretty tolerable (my highest form of compliment), if they were suddenly all "let's be friends!!! " I would stay the hell away on account of my allergy to knives in my torso.

"Friendship" is just the overlap of geography and interests. I do things I enjoy with people who share my interests.

 

[Flux]

I think this is both an INTJ thing as well as a guy thing. But, in general my guy friends all wish girls would be more up front and blunt with them. Also, I tend to tell my friends who are girls that honesty and being more blunt than they are used to is really appreciated. I think this is true for most guys but especially for young INTJs who are sometimes clueless to more indirect methods.

I mean you can say that you value talking to him and enjoy it without revealing that there is something else there. I mean he seems to like talking to you because he is continuing to do so So idk I guess you can only be direct and be yourself.

 

[simbad]

What's making me restless is that it's nearly 10 days ago since i sent him an email and so far he hasn't answered. I'm wondering if this is because i told him to take his time or he can't be bothered to answer sooner because he's not that interested. Although i told him to take his time i said this because i didn't want to bother him. But if i compare this to me if i liked someone and they told me to take time answering i would ignore this if i liked them.
My question is does an intj comply with a request even if he knows i'm thinking only of him but in fact am waiting longingly waiting for an answer.

 

[freeeekyyy]

Does he check his email regularly? I've gone up to three weeks before without checking my email.


Sometimes it takes a while to say what you want to say, too. I've taken up to two weeks to respond to an email before, and it's not because I forgot or didn't care, but because I wanted to get it right.

 

[gandalf]

I'm wondering if this is because i told him to take his time or he can't be bothered to answer sooner because he's not that interested. Although i told him to take his time i said this because i didn't want to bother him. But if i compare this to me if i liked someone and they told me to take time answering i would ignore this if i liked them.
My question is does an intj comply with a request even if he knows i'm thinking only of him but in fact am waiting longingly waiting for an answer.

Just one thought no-one else seems to have come up with yet...

Even though INTJs may be socially clumsy every now and then, according to what I have both read and experienced myself, they are very sensitive to signs of rejection. They don't want bother people for nothing and thus, if they have a clue of not being welcome, they will not approach unless they really think (yeah, think, not feel) they need to. That's because of they are proud of being independent.

I am, of course, lacking a lot of details regarding your communication with this INTJ but based on my reception of your description, I think that in similar situation, I might have interpreted a notion to me for me to take my time as a signal of the girl losing her interest. I mean, I value honesty and directness in communication over anything else, and if you say that I shouldn't rush to answer when you have previously given me a clue of you being interested in me, that's a contradiction I don't like. I just might end up concluding that you are actually doubting your interest in me.

Of course, that's just my intuition playing with almost non-existing information so you shouldn't take it too seriously.

What I am more sure about is what has already been said: Be sincere, be honest, be direct. Respect his independence by not trying to guess if he would be bothered to answer soon. Just show him your interest and let him master his life and schedule himself.

 

[Kraska]

Although I'm pretty young myself I value directness and honesty in people above everything.
If some girl would tell me that she wants to keep in touch as friends I would only consider that.

However you also need to know that INTJ can be a bit shy sometimes.

So I belive you should tell him what your feellings are but you need to be carefull with the words you use, so that you don't scare him.

 

[Haight]

Would an intj respect this or would he know that i am just thinking of him and therefore respond when he wanted to?

I think it all depends on how hot you are relative to him.

Now if you're looking for a long-term relationship, then you would have to be intelligent relative to him as well. And, similarly hobbies and interests would be a big help.

So think of good symmetry as a foot in the door . . . if you will.

 

[sculpting]

is this a long distance interaction? danger will robinson!

If not, perhaps drop him an email and ask him to lunch. worst thing he will do is not reply or say no. otherwise you'll nver know. What can it hurt?