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  1. #1
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    Default intj and response

    To all intj's.
    I'm friends with an intj who i really like. We met at work. But he's left now. So I asked him if we could become email friends. I didn't want to admit to him that i like him. He agreed and we have started sending each other emails. But because I know that intj's like their time alone and don't always want to be disturbed I told him to take his time in answering otherwise I would answer back too quickly. Would an intj respect this or would he know that i am just thinking of him and therefore respond when he wanted to?

  2. #2
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    As far as i can tell INTJ's like you to be direct with them.
    If they have said they would like to stay in touch chances are they mean it.
    They generally do not bother with people they don't like.
    I imagine this person would respect the taking time request, they would take it into consideration and then respond when they wanted to/had time.
    Just my twopence worth.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  3. #3
    Senior Member Tiger Owl's Avatar
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    Don't play any games or try to stay 3 steps ahead. Just be forthright and honest with him. No need to rush things but the more honest you are being with him the more honest you will be with yourself about how things are progressing. He will also have a chance to give you legitimate clues to his feelings without hiding deeper based on the obviousness of your tact.
    Good luck.
    INTJ 5w4 sx/sp 584 ILI-Ni

  4. #4
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    hallo earthrekker,

    terribly sorry but can you explain what you mean by thiis?

    He will also have a chance to give you legitimate clues to his feelings without hiding deeper based on the obviousness of your tact.

  5. #5
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simbad View Post
    To all intj's.
    I'm friends with an intj who i really like. We met at work. But he's left now. So I asked him if we could become email friends. I didn't want to admit to him that i like him. He agreed and we have started sending each other emails. But because I know that intj's like their time alone and don't always want to be disturbed I told him to take his time in answering otherwise I would answer back too quickly. Would an intj respect this or would he know that i am just thinking of him and therefore respond when he wanted to?
    Agree with the other posters. Just tell him directly that you like him and want to remain friends. Of course if you want more than that, then maybe tell him that too or just ask him out. Such honesty might be refreshing. You'll get some kind of answer quickly either way. INTJs, when young, can be amazingly stupid about such things.

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  6. #6
    Senior Member Tiger Owl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simbad View Post
    hallo earthrekker,

    terribly sorry but can you explain what you mean by thiis?

    He will also have a chance to give you legitimate clues to his feelings without hiding deeper based on the obviousness of your tact.
    No need to apologize. What I mean is he already knows you are thinking of him, you told him so when you showed a desire to stay in touch via email. Just be yourself and be honest, if you are trying too hard to hide and misdirect his attention from the obvious he may think you are playing games. Most INTJ's don't want someone to try to play games with them. If he thinks you are playing games he may retreat from correspondence. My advice is just to be yourself and see where it goes, if he shares interest he may tell you so after a while. Don't base your relational development on his or your MBTI types, just get to know him as an individual and let your knowledge of one another show you how good a fit you are as friends or more. MBTI is useful background information but should not be a determining factor in how a relationship is forged.
    INTJ 5w4 sx/sp 584 ILI-Ni

  7. #7
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Be direct. Don't play games. Tell him that you like him because we aren't always aware of others feelings. Also, you should be expecting a reply in a reasonable amount of time. Don't set the bar so low, we have high expectations and prefer other who do too.

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    INTJs, when young, can be amazingly stupid about such things.
    Yes.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  8. #8
    Cheeseburgers freeeekyyy's Avatar
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    I can't count the number of times somebody tried to express interest in me and it went totally over my head. Be direct.
    You lose.

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  9. #9
    The elder Holmes Mycroft's Avatar
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    Even if I did think somebody was pretty tolerable (my highest form of compliment), if they were suddenly all "let's be friends!!! " I would stay the hell away on account of my allergy to knives in my torso.

    "Friendship" is just the overlap of geography and interests. I do things I enjoy with people who share my interests.
    Dost thou love Life? Then do not squander Time; for that's the Stuff Life is made of.

    -- Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack, June 1746 --

  10. #10

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    I think this is both an INTJ thing as well as a guy thing. But, in general my guy friends all wish girls would be more up front and blunt with them. Also, I tend to tell my friends who are girls that honesty and being more blunt than they are used to is really appreciated. I think this is true for most guys but especially for young INTJs who are sometimes clueless to more indirect methods.

    I mean you can say that you value talking to him and enjoy it without revealing that there is something else there. I mean he seems to like talking to you because he is continuing to do so So idk I guess you can only be direct and be yourself.

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