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  1. #1
    Senior Member think2much's Avatar
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    Default never putting my guard down again

    I know I told you guys I won't make any more depressing threads but I'm emotionally wrecked at this moment. I can't even keep my own words, a simple task to not post shitty threads online. I have no self-respect of myself.

    I have major trust issues so I always had my guard up cause everytime I let someone in my life they destroy it. I decided to open up to someone again but got crushed.

    If you have read my previous posts I have other issues going in my life. My self-destruction behavior doesn't work well with socializing. I'm giving up trying to open with people. I know most of you will say "you might miss a chance of meeting someone great". I don't believe that anymore, I dont believe in love. The only reason they would deal with me is because they want something from me. There's no decent being in this world. fuck I care about anyone

    I don't think people really change, I will always be lazy, uncaring, apathetic, depressed, cynical but most importantly how I view this world and my outlook in life will never change no matter how much I try.

    This was what I was dealt in life, life isn't fair. Some are born without a leg an arm. Some are born with a disease. Not everyone is blessed with good balanced brain. Since I couldn't change, in last couple months I try to figure out a way how to deal with these pain. I finally came to term that I can't deal with this pain.

    Why do I even stay alive? do I contribute anything to the society? do I even want to? no.... I'm just a leech in the system.

    The forum is very buggy and I wanted to throw my laptop out of the window. I read my thread and it's fucking sad how shitty my grammer is but I'm too fucking lazy to learn or change it.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Tiger Owl's Avatar
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    Your grammar doesn't look too bad from here.
    INTJ 5w4 sx/sp 584 ILI-Ni

  3. #3
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    @ OP: so, if you have decided that being social is not for you, what DO you want to do?
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  4. #4
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by think2much View Post
    Why do I even stay alive?
    Yes, why?

    If there is no way for you to be happy in life, the reasonable choice is to end it.

  5. #5
    ... Tyrinth's Avatar
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    @ OP
    I actually know how you feel, I have gone through similar times in my life unfortunately.

    The fortunate thing, if you can manage to see it that way (I know it can be difficult), is that after a while you will start to notice things in your interaction with people which kind of hint at their intentions so you are less likely to be hurt in the same way again.

    I used to think I couldn't change either, but it is possible, and even if you aren't ready to change, the traits you listed don't have to dominate who you are.

    Life has it's ups and downs, there is no doubt about that, just keep going and things will get better.

    I don't know if any of this will be helpful for you, but this knowledge helps me from time to time...
    ...

  6. #6
    Senior Member think2much's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    @ OP: so, if you have decided that being social is not for you, what DO you want to do?
    nothing, I have no ambitions.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tyrinth View Post
    @ OP
    I actually know how you feel, I have gone through similar times in my life unfortunately.

    The fortunate thing, if you can manage to see it that way (I know it can be difficult), is that after a while you will start to notice things in your interaction with people which kind of hint at their intentions so you are less likely to be hurt in the same way again.

    I used to think I couldn't change either, but it is possible, and even if you aren't ready to change, the traits you listed don't have to dominate who you are.

    Life has it's ups and downs, there is no doubt about that, just keep going and things will get better.

    I don't know if any of this will be helpful for you, but this knowledge helps me from time to time...
    I think everyone is laughing at me cause I'm so socially retarded. That's one of the reasons why I don't want to talk to anyone.

    If they're laughing cause I'm "funny", I'm more like a monkey who entertains them. I'm annoying to most people too

    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    Yes, why?

    If there is no way for you to be happy in life, the reasonable choice is to end it.
    love: I can't wreck my family's lives. Although I'm a terrible son and destroy any good relationship I have with family.

  7. #7
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you are feeling bad. You don't sound socially retarded on here. Why do you say that?

    Do people say you are funny? Making people laugh is a gift not many possess...
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  8. #8
    Senior Member think2much's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AphroditeGoneAwry View Post
    I'm sorry you are feeling bad. You don't sound socially retarded on here. Why do you say that?

    Do people say you are funny? Making people laugh is a gift not many possess...
    people are laughing cause I"m socially retared. I'm a joke to them.

    I'm in skype talking to couple guys I met online... they're private messageing each other about me and talking on mic saying "can you imagine, being that way" like I wouldn't know they were talking about me.

    edit: right after I said something. I hate it when people do this in person. I remember at work they were talking about one of the "female co-worker" in front of me. Assuming I wouldn't notice that they were talking about me. people make it seem so obvious or they're stupid cause I'm aware of what they're doing.

    edit: oh jeez, they left me out of the group lol. douchebags

  9. #9
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    I don't think you should be trying to change how you view the world. I think you should be looking deeper into yourself to find what the real issues are. Sorry I can't offer any advice, but only you know how to help you
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  10. #10
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Hi.

    I don't even know where to start and i'm not usually lost for words so have a

    OK ..
    I don't think people really change, I will always be lazy, uncaring, apathetic, depressed, cynical but most importantly how I view this world and my outlook in life will never change no matter how much I try.
    If you consider yourself the above then how can you be anything else. At no point in your OP did you tell us any of the positive qualities you possess and i am sure there are some.

    Things do change and you will notice it when life gives you a kick out the backside. If you don't take heed then the lesson wil continue again and again until you do.

    You mind seems very black and white at the moment. If you appreciate the colour around you then hopefully you'll stop being hard on yourself.

    Oh, and i've said some of the comments you've mentioned in the OP, and it does change, i promise.

    If you ever want to chat then please feel free to PM me (don't want to put too much on here) The offer is there
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

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