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  1. #1
    Senior Member Sizzling Berry's Avatar
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    Default INTJs, how do you express your likes and dislikes?

    INTJs, I have a few questions:

    1) How do you express your likes and dislikes connected with people and how they behave?

    2) Should I believe you when you say something is neutral to you? Especially if your behavior says otherwise?

    3) I noticed that in any relationship like friendship for example you need to feel welcomed (that your presence and advice are appreciated and wanted). When you use the phrase "I don't mind" is it closer to "I don't care" or to "I like it".

    Thanks in advance!!!
    Hot-hearted head

  2. #2
    Senior Member Jack427's Avatar
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    When I dislike someone, they hear it in my voice, or possibly see it in my eyes. Or I call them a dumbass.

    Not many things are neutral to an INTJ, or any human being actually.

    The last one depends on the person, and the kind of relationship.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Sizzling Berry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack427 View Post
    When I dislike someone, they hear it in my voice, or possibly see it in my eyes. Or I call them a dumbass.

    Not many things are neutral to an INTJ, or any human being actually.

    The last one depends on the person, and the kind of relationship.
    Thanks @Jack427 !

    Do people read your liking and disliking correctly? When would you be less verbal and more non-verbal?
    Hot-hearted head

  4. #4
    Senior Member Tiger Owl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzling Berry View Post
    1) How do you express your likes and dislikes connected with people and how they behave?
    Almost always in a very honest manner, not always in a compassionate manner (depending on the emotional reserve of the person in question).

    2) Should I believe you when you say something is neutral to you? Especially if your behavior says otherwise?
    Depends on what the behavior is telling you. If the behavior is negative yet you hear neutral it may mean still processing or I don't want to make a big deal out of it right now because it is important to you or i am not in the mood for a debate or argument. If the behavior is positive and you hear neutral perhaps whatever it is enjoyable yet not fully supported based on findings of analysis.

    3) I noticed that in any relationship like friendship for example you need to feel welcomed (that your presence and advice are appreciated and wanted). When you use the phrase "I don't mind" is it closer to "I don't care" or to "I like it".
    Could be either one. I don't mind does not mean I don't like it because if it did not they would likely tell you.
    INTJ 5w4 sx/sp 584 ILI-Ni

  5. #5
    Senior Member Sizzling Berry's Avatar
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    @earthtrekker1775 thanks. Can I ask you about the analysis from the point 2.

    Behavior positive, you enjoy it but analysis doesn't fully support it?

    What other factors were taken into account (provided that the behavior that brought the response doesn't endanger your health)?
    Hot-hearted head

  6. #6
    Senior Member Tiger Owl's Avatar
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    Sure, I will use a recent example in my life.

    A couple weeks ago I was invited to go out for some drinks with a number of my classmates. I agreed because I did not have an exam the next day and I had not socialized in a while. I met them at the bar on a Friday night and it was packed with people. Well, I had an okay time but could have been equally content at home. i had a few really good conversations and a few pints of delicious beer. My behavior was positive, I mingled with my classmates and got to know a couple of them better than i had previously. All good things but my outward expression was pretty neutral, one-on-one conversations near the wall or an exit and a beer in my hand while others were really getting into the party spirit.
    The analysis stage went something like this (and each point would be checked, cross referenced, hypothesized, weighed against my instinctual response and graduated by importance based on likeliness, severity, risk, benefit, etc.) This list will not be in order, just as they come to me.

    PROS:
    evening with friends
    networking
    beer
    get off typeC
    eye candy
    research opportunity
    practice typing others
    get outside
    de-stress after a big exam
    chance for bar fight
    wife can watch her shows without my comments

    CONS:
    Dont' like crowds
    lose sleep
    lose time with wife/kids
    lose time studying
    parking issues downtown
    crowded bar
    expensive drinks
    superficial people and talk
    strangers
    if i drink I cant be armed,
    if armed i cant drink
    talk too long to someone and people may gossip
    dont talk to someone and they may be offended
    driving sober
    lots of police out
    bar only had main entrance and side door
    if there was fight there could be injury
    legal trouble, school trouble


    and on and on.

    That is a short list for a small scenario. Do that hundreds of times per day and add in how each one of the above makes you feel and wether or not there is a gut reaction to any of the points. Then act on the result. I can be spontaneous but that just means there is a shorter checklist with more rapid analysis.
    In the end, I went, I enjoyed myself though with slight reservations - even though the data were not all supportive of going.
    I hope that helps.
    INTJ 5w4 sx/sp 584 ILI-Ni

  7. #7
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by earthtrekker1775 View Post
    Sure, I will use a recent example in my life.

    A couple weeks ago I was invited to go out for some drinks with a number of my classmates. I agreed because I did not have an exam the next day and I had not socialized in a while. I met them at the bar on a Friday night and it was packed with people. Well, I had an okay time but could have been equally content at home. i had a few really good conversations and a few pints of delicious beer. My behavior was positive, I mingled with my classmates and got to know a couple of them better than i had previously. All good things but my outward expression was pretty neutral, one-on-one conversations near the wall or an exit and a beer in my hand while others were really getting into the party spirit.
    The analysis stage went something like this (and each point would be checked, cross referenced, hypothesized, weighed against my instinctual response and graduated by importance based on likeliness, severity, risk, benefit, etc.) This list will not be in order, just as they come to me.

    PROS:
    evening with friends
    networking
    beer
    get off typeC
    eye candy
    research opportunity
    practice typing others
    get outside
    de-stress after a big exam
    chance for bar fight
    wife can watch her shows without my comments

    CONS:
    Dont' like crowds
    lose sleep
    lose time with wife/kids
    lose time studying
    parking issues downtown
    crowded bar
    expensive drinks
    superficial people and talk
    strangers
    if i drink I cant be armed,
    if armed i cant drink
    talk too long to someone and people may gossip
    dont talk to someone and they may be offended
    driving sober
    lots of police out
    bar only had main entrance and side door
    if there was fight there could be injury
    legal trouble, school trouble


    and on and on.

    That is a short list for a small scenario. Do that hundreds of times per day and add in how each one of the above makes you feel and wether or not there is a gut reaction to any of the points. Then act on the result. I can be spontaneous but that just means there is a shorter checklist with more rapid analysis.
    In the end, I went, I enjoyed myself though with slight reservations - even though the data were not all supportive of going.
    I hope that helps.

    lol. I always think about the exit strategy too.


    How many doors should there be?
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  8. #8
    Senior Member Tiger Owl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AphroditeGoneAwry View Post
    lol. I always think about the exit strategy too.


    How many doors should there be?
    Enough to have options, few enough to not have too many to watch. Depends entirely on the layout of the room/building, how many people are in there, how many are likely to have similar protective instincts vs. those that will stampede like wildebeest when things get hairy. Lots of factors. Sometimes all you can do is make sure you will be able to see trouble when it starts so you have the lowest reaction time in the room.
    INTJ 5w4 sx/sp 584 ILI-Ni

  9. #9
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    1) How do you express your likes and dislikes connected with people and how they behave?
    If I know someone well, I will tell them directly when I am bothered by their behavior, or at least I will ask for a change. If I don't know someone well, I will tell them directly, only if I am directly impacted by it, for instance a coworker who does something that makes it difficult for me to do my job. For the rest of the world, if I don't like how someone behaves, I just avoid and ignore them. It is not my job to correct people, or even to expect they satisfy my standards. In all cases, I try to model the behavior I would prefer.

    2) Should I believe you when you say something is neutral to you? Especially if your behavior says otherwise?
    You should always believe first, foremost, and almost exclusively the words out of my mouth (or writing from my hands). The idea that you would give any precedence to bodily reactions that I might not always control, over the deliberate, reasoned response I formulate is almost insulting, and likely to lead to misunderstanding. I have been told my nonverbal cues are few and hard to read, which suits me fine. I will tell you what I want you to know, and if I err in assessing or expressing my own wants, I willingly abide by the consequences. Many small things really are neutral to me: what to have for dinner, whether to see movie X or Y. If I have a real preference, I will say so. I may also be neutral on much bigger issues when I have not considered them sufficiently to have a sound opinion. I will explain this if asked.

    3) I noticed that in any relationship like friendship for example you need to feel welcomed (that your presence and advice are appreciated and wanted). When you use the phrase "I don't mind" is it closer to "I don't care" or to "I like it". "I don't mind" doesn't mean I like it. It is closer to, "it wouldn't bother me". You are right about needing to feel wanted in relationships. I take a very live-and-let-live approach to personal interactions, and see no need to impose myself where I am not wanted, or to hang around people whose company is not enjoyable to me. A relationship should satisfy all involved.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  10. #10
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by earthtrekker1775 View Post
    if i drink I cant be armed,
    if armed i cant drink

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