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  1. #11
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzling Berry View Post
    INTJs, I have a few questions:

    1) How do you express your likes and dislikes connected with people and how they behave?
    Probably If I know them well, I just flat out tell them. If I don't know them and they do stuff I don't like, I would avoid them and if it's stuff I like, I'll endeavor to get to know them better.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzling Berry View Post
    2) Should I believe you when you say something is neutral to you? Especially if your behavior says otherwise?
    When I say something, you can be pretty much assured that it's what I think because I'm just flat out honest, even if as I've gotten older, that honesty is tempered by a much greater deal of diplomacy. I get irritated when I tell people things and they think that I mean something else or don't believe me. I also appreciate directness by other people - bluntness even. Be honest. Be real. Don't embarrass me in front of other people though.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzling Berry View Post
    3) I noticed that in any relationship like friendship for example you need to feel welcomed (that your presence and advice are appreciated and wanted). When you use the phrase "I don't mind" is it closer to "I don't care" or to "I like it".
    It could be either actually. The essence of your questions appear to be directed towards understanding what the INTJ thinks, because they can impassive or vague. They tend not to communicate enough and people don't know what's going on in there. Best thing is just to ask and pin them down - demand an answer. So, if they say "I don't mind", then just ask them do you mean "I like it" or "I don't care" or "I don't want to, but will go along with you". Maybe they are ambivalent or just don't know and haven't made up their mind yet. Just ask leading questions and they will give you an answer. You might help them to think through things, which they will probably appreciate.

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  2. #12
    Senior Member Tiger Owl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    It's true. It is the law in my State.
    INTJ 5w4 sx/sp 584 ILI-Ni

  3. #13
    Senior Member Jack427's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzling Berry View Post
    Thanks @Jack427 !

    Do people read your liking and disliking correctly? When would you be less verbal and more non-verbal?
    I don't know if they read my liking or disliking correctly. Whenever someone says something so stupid, or so ignorant I just stare at them with anger.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by earthtrekker1775 View Post
    It's true. It is the law in my State.
    I am not laughing about the law but about your wanting to be armed.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Sizzling Berry's Avatar
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    @Coriolis and @highlander thanks so much. And no insult was intended in point 2. I was not thinking that INTJs would willingly lie, but rather not know their heart or mind or not want to speak about something. Does it ever happen?

    @Coriolis, if you like the behavior would you initiate it or wait for the other person to do it?

    @highlander: you are right with point 3 - better understanding is my goal in this . Sometimes I asked 5 times (is it ok with you? do you like it?). What you had in mind when you mentioned leading questions? Could you give me an example.
    Hot-hearted head

  6. #16
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzling Berry View Post
    @Coriolis and @highlander thanks so much. And no insult was intended in point 2. I was not thinking that INTJs would willingly lie, but rather not know their heart or mind or not want to speak about something. Does it ever happen?
    The insult is not in considering us liars, but rather on devaluing our intentional responses vs. something likely unconscious and involuntary. If I truly don't know my heart and mind (yet), it is not for you to probe around and draw your own conclusions. People who try to assess my emotional state are usually wrong. If I am undecided, I will say so. If I don't want to speak about something and directing the conversation elsewhere doesn't work (though I tend to be good at it), I will say so, too. There are many things I will not discuss with most people.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzling Berry View Post
    @Coriolis, if you like the behavior would you initiate it or wait for the other person to do it?
    How would I initiate behavior for others -- ask them to do something? Most behaviors I consider positive are just things someone either is used to doing, or doesn't do. I tend not to comment on the positives unless it is something above and beyond.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  7. #17
    Senior Member Sizzling Berry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    The insult is not in considering us liars, but rather on devaluing our intentional responses vs. something likely unconscious and involuntary.
    Can they not be two sources of information?
    Hot-hearted head

  8. #18
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzling Berry View Post
    Can they not be two sources of information?
    You might consider them that, but the second is just as likely to be random and unrelated to the matter at hand, while the first is the output of deliberate consideration of relevant information. You might as well plan out your next year's garden by looking at the color of the neighbor's house.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  9. #19
    Senior Member Sizzling Berry's Avatar
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    So basically, I would have to have a strong proof that the second is correlated with the matter at stake. And if I'm wrong i would need to be willing to take the consequences.
    Hot-hearted head

  10. #20
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    The insult is not in considering us liars, but rather on devaluing our intentional responses vs. something likely unconscious and involuntary. If I truly don't know my heart and mind (yet), it is not for you to probe around and draw your own conclusions. People who try to assess my emotional state are usually wrong. If I am undecided, I will say so. If I don't want to speak about something and directing the conversation elsewhere doesn't work (though I tend to be good at it), I will say so, too. There are many things I will not discuss with most people.
    So are you suggesting that INTJs don't communicate unconsciously through body language? I don't believe it. Why should they be any different or special than anyone else in that regard. Are they hard to read and easy to misinterpret? Sure. If a person is good at reading body language and knows you, then I see no reason why they shouldn't use that as a means of understanding how you feel about something in the absence of a response. I agree with your point about devaluing intentional responses though - most irritating.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzling Berry View Post
    @Coriolis and @highlander thanks so much. And no insult was intended in point 2. I was not thinking that INTJs would willingly lie, but rather not know their heart or mind or not want to speak about something. Does it ever happen?

    @highlander: you are right with point 3 - better understanding is my goal in this . Sometimes I asked 5 times (is it ok with you? do you like it?). What you had in mind when you mentioned leading questions? Could you give me an example.
    I believe Coriolis was't insulted at all by what you said. She's referring to times when he was interacting with someone else who did that and it felt annoying or insulting to her.

    With regards to your question, here is an example.
    Other person - "I was thinking it would be good to see XYZ movie"
    INTJ - Doesn't respond. Absorbed in thoughts and didn't hear what you said
    Other person - "INTJ - did you hear anything I just said?"
    INTJ - "What? What did you say?"
    Other person - "I want to see XYZ movie tonight. Would you like to go to that?"
    INTJ - "I dunno." Stops talking. Becomes absorbed in thoughts again.
    Other person - "So do you want to go to a movie or not?"
    INTJ - "I don 't know. Maybe." Slightly annoyed that thoughts were interrupted
    Other person - "I would like to go to a movie tonight. Would you mind looking at a few of these movie ratings and trailers with me and then we can decide what we might want to go to?"
    INTJ - "Sure, I guess so"
    Both look at a few options together
    Other person - "So, we could go to that one you liked or the one I want to see. If you go to XYZ movie then I promise we can go to that movie you want to see next weekend. Would that be ok with you. "
    INTJ - "OK" Looks forward to going - if not tonight, to next week. Maybe enjoys himself at the movie tonight though he would have rather seen something else.
    Last edited by highlander; 11-23-2011 at 05:51 PM.

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