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  1. #11
    Dependable Skeleton Engineer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    NFPs are 'supposedly' the cat's meow for intjs.

    I think it's just hard for introverts to meet others period, once out of college. Especially those with whom me mesh well. We are lonely, yet we don't really mind being alone enough to get out in the 'real world' and make that change.

    That's why there is the internet. :uni:
    Blergh. The day I submit myself to eHarmony is the day I become a lesser man, who has given up on scouring the world around him for an appropriate mate. Not meaning any offense if you're a fan of internet dating, mind you. It's just not my thing. And hopefully never ever shall be.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ginkgo View Post
    So they just drop off the radar? Sounds like either a) they came and got what they wanted, seeing no more potential in the relationship or b) saw something about the relationship as irreconcilable.

    I can empathize with the need to find trends in what's up, but the burden may rest more upon the people you're interested in and less on you. Then again, if you're interested in the first place, then the burden falls on you a bit more.

    The ENFP sounded pretty unfair in her dealings with you. I'm not sure what the reasons were, and perhaps if you became more of a priority in her eyes, then your exchange would have balanced out a bit. Just because she talked at your ceaselessly doesn't mean she cares about you.

    You should just wear this shirt: . It acts as sort of an artificial mating call.

    I'm a dude but I would give you mad props for that regardless.
    Honestly, the INFP was merely in it for sex. She was messed up, and couldn't get what I saw in her, so when I wanted her to slow down and take things easy, she freaked out and ran away. Messy affair, that. I have no idea about the ENFP, other than I think she still feels somewhat possessive of me, but in the way that one feels possessive of a house ficus one keeps in their bedroom window, which is to say, not that great on my end. The way you state priority seems to imply that there's something I could have done to adjust my current status... (at least that's the way I'm choosing to interpret it, so yeah) would you mind elaborating on that? I'm kind of interested, since keeping an ENFP's attention for longer than a nanosecond has proved an extremely difficult art for me to master-- or even grasp.

    That shirt is completely awesome. However, I'm not exactly the "SCIENCE!" type, despite what my name implies, so I'm afraid it might mislead all of those hot babes who are lining up for red-hot nerd sex. Since I'm not that type of nerd, I feel they'd be disappointed.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Ego Reparate; Ob Me Non Deficiat.
    INTJ - RCOEI - sx/sp/so - Tritype: 683 (6w5-8w9-3w4) - True Neutral
    "Yeah, wisdom always chooses/These black eyes and these bruises"
    "Over the heartache that they say/Never completely goes away..."

  2. #12
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Engineer View Post
    Blergh. The day I submit myself to eHarmony is the day I become a lesser man, who has given up on scouring the world around him for an appropriate mate. Not meaning any offense if you're a fan of internet dating, mind you. It's just not my thing. And hopefully never ever shall be.
    I was rejected by eharmony and match. This was a long time ago and I have nothing against online dating. I met my husband online. It was just a very specific interest site.

    Honestly, the INFP was merely in it for sex. She was messed up, and couldn't get what I saw in her, so when I wanted her to slow down and take things easy, she freaked out and ran away. Messy affair, that. I have no idea about the ENFP, other than I think she still feels somewhat possessive of me, but in the way that one feels possessive of a house ficus one keeps in their bedroom window, which is to say, not that great on my end. The way you state priority seems to imply that there's something I could have done to adjust my current status... (at least that's the way I'm choosing to interpret it, so yeah) would you mind elaborating on that? I'm kind of interested, since keeping an ENFP's attention for longer than a nanosecond has proved an extremely difficult art for me to master-- or even grasp.
    The INFP, I don't think we, INTJ's, are into project people, although maybe some are. Getting involved with anyone that requires that much work or is that messed up isn't usually going to end well for us. The ENFP..who knows although I agree, all the chatting seems like she friend zoned you or you were a rebound. She found something else and boom, you were history. Are we calculating, yes. Does everyone see this as a problem? No.

    That shirt is completely awesome. However, I'm not exactly the "SCIENCE!" type, despite what my name implies, so I'm afraid it might mislead all of those hot babes who are lining up for red-hot nerd sex. Since I'm not that type of nerd, I feel they'd be disappointed.
    Don't wear the shirt but there are women very into red-hot nerd sex. Mine has made a spread sheet of pros and cons when wanting to make a large purchase. SO. HOT.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Engineer View Post
    Hello all. I am back again, this time with a new question and/or discussion opportunity.

    Having recently come to understand certain signs and behaviors, I have given up my long-term pursuit of the ENFP I've been on about for awhile now. Seeing as I'm an INTJ, and the "glorious plan" had to be entirely scrapped, I'm sort of at square one again and am currently reviewing the leftovers of previous relationships to establish some form of pattern of failure. In all of them, there seems to be a mysterious point where the woman's interest in me ends-- not really slowly, but all of a sudden, a great drop-off: the bugzapper effect. Things will be going fine one week, the next there's nothing going on at all.

    With my INFP ex, this happened after a week, with my ENFP prospect, this happened after a single day, and developed into a downward spiral where I am apparently not allowed to ignore her, but she is allowed to ignore me all she wants. Even recently, girls that seem interested will pull away mysteriously after a couple of days.

    What exactly am I doing wrong here? Is my robotic inside just that uninteresting? Am I too cold, too morbid, too awkward? Asking from a stance of genuine curiosity here, not like I'm being emo. I'd like to fix this, as I have been told that I am in the 7.6 to 8.2 range of looks, so having an equally-attractive method of approach would be nice.

    As for discussion, has any other NT had this happen to them as well? Is it that we seem a bit too calculating to other people or what? I am honestly confused, since this has happened five times in a row now and is seriously (super-super-cereal, guys) getting old.

    Help?
    Well, I think you can discount the INFP from your study as a statistical error. If she was that messed up it had nothing to do with you, and you should simply look at your reasons for staying with her.

    Unfortunately I can't give the specific advice I would if I was an rl friend of yours. I do think cor is spot on with a lot of what they posted.

    Continue being yourself. Some women do appreciate the more reserved types of men (all the more mystery for us to unravel!) and one will stumble across you someday in the future. Maybe tomorrow, maybe 6 months from now... The best you can do is to take care of you so you will be prepared for that day.

    P.s. I is sorry for sneaking into this thread, but I wanted to give you some encouragement.

  4. #14
    Senior Member fripping's Avatar
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    you might just be really boring.

  5. #15
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    This albatross is ISTJ


  6. #16
    Senior Member Wanderer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Engineer View Post
    Blergh. The day I submit myself to eHarmony is the day I become a lesser man, who has given up on scouring the world around him for an appropriate mate. Not meaning any offense if you're a fan of internet dating, mind you. It's just not my thing. And hopefully never ever shall be.
    Don't knock it; statistically speaking I think EHarmony is a great idea. There's something to be said for scientifically approaching relationships, it's certainly not as messy as "hey I don't know if this has good odds of panning out but let's try anyway!"

    Just saying.

  7. #17
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Engineer View Post
    2) I attempted to ask the INFP, but got a bizarre roundabout answer that did not settle anything whatsoever (plus she was emotionally damaged and had cheated on me twice previously).
    What was the "bizarre roundabout answer" if I may be so bold as to ask?

    The ENFP barely acknowledges me in public and will not respond to any electronic methods of communication whatsoever, so that particular option is not viable.
    Has she told you to "stay away from me"? Why does she not acknowledge you in public, in your opinion, and / or hers if she has shared it?
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  8. #18
    Don't pet me. JAVO's Avatar
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    ^ yeah, we need more details about what happened: nonverbals, issues brought up or not brought up

    One thing which might help is casually mentioning early in the relationship that you appreciate constructive feedback and don't perceive it as criticism. (I'm assuming from your type that this is true.) And, of course, don't betray that openness by getting angry or critical about the feedback.

    It could be this simple: Many types are good at covering their flaws and making people like them, even when people don't like the real them. INTJs tend to do that less. Congratulate yourself, as you may have already avoided a future divorce.

  9. #19
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JAVO View Post
    One thing which might help is casually mentioning early in the relationship that you appreciate constructive feedback and don't perceive it as criticism. (I'm assuming from your type that this is true.) And, of course, don't betray that openness by getting angry or critical about the feedback.
    This seems not to work very well, at least with F's. The only F who has ever given me critical feedback is my ENFP friend, and we have known each other well and for a long time. I am sure I do not act 100% to the liking of the others; they just never say anything about what might put them off.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  10. #20
    Dependable Skeleton Engineer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    The INFP, I don't think we, INTJ's, are into project people, although maybe some are. Getting involved with anyone that requires that much work or is that messed up isn't usually going to end well for us. The ENFP..who knows although I agree, all the chatting seems like she friend zoned you or you were a rebound. She found something else and boom, you were history. Are we calculating, yes. Does everyone see this as a problem? No.

    Don't wear the shirt but there are women very into red-hot nerd sex. Mine has made a spread sheet of pros and cons when wanting to make a large purchase. SO. HOT.
    I dunno, I am kind of a fixer-type INTJ. I only recently have realized that people can't be fixed well, and that my only successful project person was something of a miracle. I dislike the term project people... Makes it seem so impersonal, when really I just care a lot about what happens to them and want to help them sort out issues.

    I take it as an extremely good sign that spreadsheet and calculations can be a turn on SOMEWHERE in the world!

    Quote Originally Posted by fripping View Post
    you might just be really boring.
    Possible.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ginkgo View Post
    This albatross is ISTJ
    -ALBATROSS REDACTED FOR SPACE CONCERNS-
    AWK AWK AWK.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wanderer View Post
    Don't knock it; statistically speaking I think EHarmony is a great idea. There's something to be said for scientifically approaching relationships, it's certainly not as messy as "hey I don't know if this has good odds of panning out but let's try anyway!"

    Just saying.
    I'd honestly still rather try my luck in the real world. eHarmony just kinda smells like desperation to me, no matter how good or not good it may be. I mean, ceecee found hers online, so it works, obviously, but I just don't think I'm really the right type to feel comfortable using it.

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    What was the "bizarre roundabout answer" if I may be so bold as to ask?

    Has she told you to "stay away from me"? Why does she not acknowledge you in public, in your opinion, and / or hers if she has shared it?
    Sure, I don't mind elaborating. After about two months of a seriously intense relationship, where she was even mentioning getting married (warning bells!), she suddenly turns around and ends it with the reason being "I guess it just wasn't there." When inquiring about this further, I was told, "I don't know, alright! Please stop making this hard!" So I did. Inside, I didn't really take it all that well, and she knew that. I treated her with a lot more respect than she got from many of her other relationships, and I don't think she really understood why that was, so she freaked out. Even today, though I have cut ties (she suddenly turned rather nasty after a couple weeks and I decided I didn't need to stand for that), when we pass on the street or happen to be in the cafeteria she'll usually have an interesting expression and will always look at me at least once. Caught her going back to her room with a different guy once, I just smiled and she looked away. In the words of Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that..."

    The ENFP certainly did not say any of those things. Over the summer, she simply stopped communicating with me. I attempted to reestablish contact twice over the summer, then gave up. Came back, she was all friendly again, but really dodgy when I asked her about what had happened over the summer. Had to call her a bunch of times to get her to give me my textbook back (she'd borrowed it and forgot to give it back over the summer), as she was terrible at remembering to bring it to class. She said we'd get dinner one night, talk about stuff, and she'd give me the book then. I said ok, she didn't show, so I called her twice and got no answer. Next day I get a text saying she didn't have her phone with her that night (she's a self-admitted cell junkie, so I doubt it). Brought the book the next day, so cool.

    Still confused about everything, I proposed coffee Labor Day weekend, but she was going out of town, so she said next weekend would be fine. I said ok, left her alone. Next week she bombs again, so I decide enough is enough and refuse to continue pursuing her, with the reasoning that even a halfway decent friend would be able to do a simple thing like getting coffee with a week's notice. In public, she was already ignoring me quite, but after I decided to react in turn, she started making snide comments to and about me in class to provoke a reaction, which I stolidly ignored. This just aggravated the situation, and she kept on until I had a talk with my INFJ brother who said I needed to at least pretend that I was still friendly toward her so that the social system wouldn't be weird.

    So now, that's what I'm doing. She'll say hi to me occasionally, and I'll acknowledge her in class.

    She has neither shared her reasoning nor provided me a clue as to why the sudden change, so I am completely in the dark.

    Quote Originally Posted by JAVO View Post
    ^ yeah, we need more details about what happened: nonverbals, issues brought up or not brought up

    One thing which might help is casually mentioning early in the relationship that you appreciate constructive feedback and don't perceive it as criticism. (I'm assuming from your type that this is true.) And, of course, don't betray that openness by getting angry or critical about the feedback.

    It could be this simple: Many types are good at covering their flaws and making people like them, even when people don't like the real them. INTJs tend to do that less. Congratulate yourself, as you may have already avoided a future divorce.
    I think you may be quite right. Hope the detail above was decent enough to give you an idea? I love feedback, honestly! It's the easiest way for me to learn and get better. I'm usually stuck with the minesweeper approach, though, which is frustrating.

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    This seems not to work very well, at least with F's. The only F who has ever given me critical feedback is my ENFP friend, and we have known each other well and for a long time. I am sure I do not act 100% to the liking of the others; they just never say anything about what might put them off.
    This is exactly right. In my experience, F-types really really don't like being critical of others (whether they may or may not be that way of them in their minds), so they'll refrain from addressing the issue as bluntly as Ts like to. Unless they know you're okay with receiving criticism (e.g. my INFJ brother).
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Ego Reparate; Ob Me Non Deficiat.
    INTJ - RCOEI - sx/sp/so - Tritype: 683 (6w5-8w9-3w4) - True Neutral
    "Yeah, wisdom always chooses/These black eyes and these bruises"
    "Over the heartache that they say/Never completely goes away..."

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