[ENTJ] ENTJ quandry

[LadyJaye]

I've recently met an ENTJ guy - he wants to date but we're in seperate states, so to him this means it's not going to happen. This didn't stop him from calling or texting me everyday, being flirty and joking around. But since I've known him ( since January) he's had at least two meltdowns, meaning abruptly becoming very emotional and angry, each time because our relationship lacked definition. He's still having one night stands ( which I knew about), so I didn't think us having a definition was important. He said speakng to me, skyping with me, was teasing and antagonizing him because he was too far away, but he's always the one initiating the heavy flirting - I suggested we keep things mellow, so it wouldn't "tease" anyone, but he seems to shift into gear anyway. So, the question is this : he's either emotionally shut down, or he's having a minor explosion, and other than approaching him calmly, and being honest with him, I don't know what else to do? I would appreciate enlightenment on the workings of the NTJ in regards to their emotions.

 

[rav3n]

He's conflicted. Wants you but pragmatically speaking, is having problems with the distance. I'd be careful. When it comes to our emotions, we be pretty fucked up.

 

[uncommonentity]

He wants to bone you because he sees you as fresh and exciting meat so he's just throwing a tantrum about not being able to have you when he wants. I'd question him 'feeling' anything for you no offence. It's bugging him out because he can't 'get it'. ENTJs lack patience. I've been really close to an ENTJ male and he either sees you as a unique and exciting prospect or just another thing for him to eat up. He'd always offer to 'share' his whatever women with me but informed me that if he ever found a girl who he actually respected and loved he'd never be willing to share her. xNTJs have a lot of whatever women. Totally breaking a brocode here but I'm no bro I'm a god damn robot.

xNTJs are smooth pimps who love the pussy. And Tubby there is their black man servant. What?

In other words I just advise you to be aware.

For example, An ENTJ could ask you to define the relationship to him so that you believe you are in a relationship and then save yourself for him but in reality have no actual intention of anything full throttle besides getting inside your panties. It's like, make girl think we're committed so it's all mine. It's not just xNTJ males who do this many do. Some women perform the same sort of rituals when they want mad dibs on dick.

 

[LadyJaye]

He's conflicted. Wants you but pragmatically speaking, is having problems with the distance. I'd be careful. When it comes to our emotions, we be pretty fucked up.

Not to worry. I am being careful. I've been guarded about what I engage with him, because I don't want to get really damaged in something sloppy.

He wants to bone you because he sees you as fresh and exciting meat so he's just throwing a tantrum about not being able to have you when he wants. I'd question him 'feeling' anything for you no offence. It's bugging him out because he can't 'get it'. ENTJs lack patience. I've been really close to an ENTJ male and he either sees you as a unique and exciting prospect or just another thing for him to eat up. He'd always offer to 'share' his whatever women with me but informed me that if he ever found a girl who he actually respected and loved he'd never be willing to share her. xNTJs have a lot of whatever women. Totally breaking a brocode here but I'm no bro I'm a god damn robot.

I've considered that, the fresh meat and tantrum throwing. I certainly agree. He even told me that he has no tolerance for frustration, and doesn't like working hard for a relationship. Though he describes most of his interactions with women as "just screwing" - he apparently reserves the word " dating" for someone he wants to commit to. One night he told me that he considers me marriage material, and would want to date me. { He tells me sex and love are seperate entities ( not the way my brain is geared at all ), so the
" down to fuck" girls are just for sex. } Whatever the case, I've been careful to not allow myself to be dragged in too far, but I confess I'm startled and confused by the crazy mix of out of control emotions, and what he considers to be logical statements.

 

[shoshana]

I've considered that, the fresh meat and tantrum throwing. I certainly agree. He even told me that he has no tolerance for frustration, and doesn't like working hard for a relationship. Though he describes most of his interactions with women as "just screwing" - he apparently reserves the word " dating" for someone he wants to commit to. One night he told me that he considers me marriage material, and would want to date me. { He tells me sex and love are seperate entities ( not the way my brain is geared at all ), so the
" down to fuck" girls are just for sex. } Whatever the case, I've been careful to not allow myself to be dragged in too far, but I confess I'm startled and confused by the crazy mix of out of control emotions, and what he considers to be logical statements.

so is he saying he'd still fuck those girls if you agreed to date him long term?

i'd be like "hey thanks for the honesty, but fuck no". cause he'd prolly flip a shit if you were screwing around with other dudes.

 

[LadyJaye]

so is he saying he'd still fuck those girls if you agreed to date him long term?

i'd be like "hey thanks for the honesty, but fuck no". cause he'd prolly flip a shit if you were screwing around with other dudes.

lol .. NO. He says he screwed around with other girls for years because he wasn't interested in a relationship, just sex. He declared he wants a long term, monogamous relationship now, so the screwing around would stop ( actually, he's stopped that for some reason on his own) if I were there.

Yeah, he's said some things in the name of honesty that made my eyes water a little. I mean, I DO appreciate a straight answer. But, he tells me things that make me think, " Ok. WOW. Did you just hear yourself?" lol Example : " I don't want to work for sex. Either the girl gives it up or she doesn't. I don't have to chase it." - referring to the just for sex girls. I told him that it was arrogant to assume that his wants were above other people's dignity.

 

[shoshana]

lol .. NO. He says he screwed around with other girls for years because he wasn't interested in a relationship, just sex. He declared he wants a long term, monogamous relationship now, so the screwing around would stop ( actually, he's stopped that for some reason on his own) if I were there.

Yeah, he's said some things in the name of honesty that made my eyes water a little. I mean, I DO appreciate a straight answer. But, he tells me things that make me think, " Ok. WOW. Did you just hear yourself?" lol Example : " I don't want to work for sex. Either the girl gives it up or she doesn't. I don't have to chase it." - referring to the just for sex girls. I told him that it was arrogant to assume that his wants were above other people's dignity.

are you sure that wasn't his round-about way of saying he doesnt like to play games in order to get people into his bed?

sometimes entjs dont word things very well...

and i've done my share of having lovers without any sort of meaningful relationship. perhaps its unwanted information on your part, but he might be saying that 'yeah i CAN have meaningless sex. but i dont want that. i want chuuu' haha.

men are dumb. if you feel taking it slow is what's best for you then keep doing it. if he finds that you are worth the wait, then he will do just that. :3

 

[LadyJaye]

are you sure that wasn't his round-about way of saying he doesnt like to play games in order to get people into his bed?

sometimes entjs dont word things very well...

and i've done my share of having lovers without any sort of meaningful relationship. perhaps its unwanted information on your part, but he might be saying that 'yeah i CAN have meaningless sex. but i dont want that. i want chuuu' haha.

Oh yes, I think that's precisely what he was trying to tell me. I didn't take it personally. I know that just because I view sex as something intimate and engaged, doesn't mean that other people see it that way. Of course, I do expect that when a man is in a relationship with me, because I've made it clear what I can't do without. And connectivity is one of those things.

men are dumb. if you feel taking it slow is what's best for you then keep doing it. if he finds that you are worth the wait, then he will do just that. :3

Men ARE dumb! Stupid men. * kicks dirt clod*

 

[Ginkgo]

I've recently met an ENTJ guy - he wants to date but we're in seperate states, so to him this means it's not going to happen. This didn't stop him from calling or texting me everyday, being flirty and joking around. But since I've known him ( since January) he's had at least two meltdowns, meaning abruptly becoming very emotional and angry, each time because our relationship lacked definition. He's still having one night stands ( which I knew about), so I didn't think us having a definition was important. He said speakng to me, skyping with me, was teasing and antagonizing him because he was too far away, but he's always the one initiating the heavy flirting - I suggested we keep things mellow, so it wouldn't "tease" anyone, but he seems to shift into gear anyway. So, the question is this : he's either emotionally shut down, or he's having a minor explosion, and other than approaching him calmly, and being honest with him, I don't know what else to do? I would appreciate enlightenment on the workings of the NTJ in regards to their emotions.

He sounds completely undecided. How do you feel about the entire thing? How much trouble is it causing you? Do you feel obligated to talk with him?

 

[Anew Leaf]

I've recently met an ENTJ guy - he wants to date but we're in seperate states, so to him this means it's not going to happen. This didn't stop him from calling or texting me everyday, being flirty and joking around. But since I've known him ( since January) he's had at least two meltdowns, meaning abruptly becoming very emotional and angry, each time because our relationship lacked definition. He's still having one night stands ( which I knew about), so I didn't think us having a definition was important. He said speakng to me, skyping with me, was teasing and antagonizing him because he was too far away, but he's always the one initiating the heavy flirting - I suggested we keep things mellow, so it wouldn't "tease" anyone, but he seems to shift into gear anyway. So, the question is this : he's either emotionally shut down, or he's having a minor explosion, and other than approaching him calmly, and being honest with him, I don't know what else to do? I would appreciate enlightenment on the workings of the NTJ in regards to their emotions.

Take a break from him for a couple weeks to clear your head. Then decide if you want to try something going forward, or if you want to just chalk it up to "the timing is off."

I think that if a man is really into you he will make things happen (actions) and not just talk about doing something (not an actual action).

 

[mrcockburn]

I've recently met an ENTJ guy - he wants to date but we're in seperate states, so to him this means it's not going to happen. This didn't stop him from calling or texting me everyday, being flirty and joking around. But since I've known him ( since January) he's had at least two meltdowns, meaning abruptly becoming very emotional and angry, each time because our relationship lacked definition. He's still having one night stands ( which I knew about), so I didn't think us having a definition was important. He said speakng to me, skyping with me, was teasing and antagonizing him because he was too far away, but he's always the one initiating the heavy flirting - I suggested we keep things mellow, so it wouldn't "tease" anyone, but he seems to shift into gear anyway. So, the question is this : he's either emotionally shut down, or he's having a minor explosion, and other than approaching him calmly, and being honest with him, I don't know what else to do? I would appreciate enlightenment on the workings of the NTJ in regards to their emotions.

Holy shit. Delete him delete him delete him. He sounds exactly like the one I was with a few years ago - had meltdowns which escalated into stalking and threatening my friends. Things with a Fi-tainted ENTJ can get pretty nasty, fast.

And so can their dirty boxers, which is what I first thought of when I misread the title as "ENTJ laundry".

 

[ThatGirl]

I read the OP.

Honestly, if your man is an ENTJ and he really wants you, he wont be easily deterred by things like, distance. After all they believe they can make anything happen. If you keep putting on the breaks though, and denying a momentum that keeps occurring, chances are you are frustrating the shit out of him.

There is nothing worse than, "here is a fun game, lets act like we don't like each other!"

 

[MoneyTick]

It's like investing; you trust all of your money with something stable, and maybe risk a faction of your portfolio on some crazy high risk stock.

You're getting a dose of that flirtatious fraction. Step up to the plate and prove to him that you're worth it.

Trust me, you'll get a very direct reply. Very few people are bold, direct, blunt and transparent about relationships. That's a very favorable statistic.

First of all, most SFs and NFs probably don't have a concrete opinion about a person and play games. SFs and NFs just "let things play out" and have an affinity for the maxim "let's see how it works out."

Those expressions are taboo in my book.

He said you're "marriage material." Now it's you're turn.

Be as concrete and direct as possible.

 

[Lark]

He is really conflicted, he probably by turns is trying to express a need and then regreting doing so he's trying to deny it, ie saying he's seeing other people, do you even know that for sure? It could be a lie but even if its a fact he could be doing it to convince himself or others that the other greater, denied and disowned need isnt what it is.

I've experienced really big conflicts of a similar kind which sometimes I think is a consequence of the thinking function being the one I'm most used with or most comfortable with.

 

[shoshana]

I read the OP.

Honestly, if your man is an ENTJ and he really wants you, he wont be easily deterred by things like, distance. After all they believe they can make anything happen. If you keep putting on the breaks though, and denying a momentum that keeps occurring, chances are you are frustrating the shit out of him.

There is nothing worse than, "here is a fun game, lets act like we don't like each other!"

^^ yes yes yes

 

[JocktheMotie]

Haha, "conflicted" is a word I would not choose. This guy sounds like a real winner; a rapist whose defense would be "she wanted it." Because of course, how could she not?

 

[Lark]

I read the OP.

Honestly, if your man is an ENTJ and he really wants you, he wont be easily deterred by things like, distance. After all they believe they can make anything happen. If you keep putting on the breaks though, and denying a momentum that keeps occurring, chances are you are frustrating the shit out of him.

There is nothing worse than, "here is a fun game, lets act like we don't like each other!"

The ENTJ determination is spot on, although that freaks people out and they can misconstrue it as obsessiveness or pushiness (I'm not just talking about relationships here I'm talking anything), being single minded can appear boring too, if you know what I mean, like the insane hobbiest.

 

[Mr. Cat]

After reading the ENTJ profile the person LadyJaye is talking about doesn't seem as badass.

 

[LadyJaye]

The ENTJ determination is spot on, although that freaks people out and they can misconstrue it as obsessiveness or pushiness (I'm not just talking about relationships here I'm talking anything), being single minded can appear boring too, if you know what I mean, like the insane hobbiest.

He was full of determination. He decided that if I couldn't come to see him, he would come to me. BUT, then he got drunk and drove into the back of a parked car. So there went the money for the trip.

I was LIVID about the drunk driving.

Yeah, hmmmm. Now that this is in print, it's sounding even worse.

 

[LadyJaye]

After reading the ENTJ profile the person LadyJaye is talking about doesn't seem as badass.

So true, Mr. Cat. So true.

Have some catnip treats....

*cuddles you with fervor and zeal*