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  1. #1
    Senior Member lauranna's Avatar
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    Default INTJ relationship with ISTP

    OK i could do some INTJ points of view here!

    Basically, I am a lesbian ISTP. I have been friends with the INTJ girl in question for 4 years. We have always been attracted to each other but haven't acted on it (well maybe a little) but mostly we haven't because one or other of us has been with someone else.

    Mostly we haven't spent that much time alone together (because i don't trust myself) until lately, we have spent time alone. I feel a lot of emotions for her which is scary because i normally dont feel emotions.

    She says she wants to be with me. I'm all she thinks about. She wants to leave her girlfriend for me.

    Now i am finding this difficult as first and foremost she is my friend. And i think maybe i love her because she is my friend and i just fancy her too.

    And i also think we must be the two most incompatible personality types ever. She is an intellectual who reads big newspapers and cooks crab risotto and appreciates a nice wine. Her girlfriend is very similar to her. Me on the other hand- I sometimes look at naked women in lowgrade newspapers, drink vodka and am obsessed with sex.

    I think she just wants me because i'm a bit of rough. She's intrigued. She says its more than that. But i dont want to break up her relationship and potentially ruin our friendship if its just going to be a mess if we get together.

    Any of you INTJs got experience with ISTPs? Did you hate us? What did you like/hate about us? Could it ever work?

    Any advice much appreciated!

  2. #2
    Junior Member sceadugenga's Avatar
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    The only ISTP I know is my brother. I don't think that'd be much help.
    4w5 sp/sx | True Neutral

    I put an awful lot of effort into not offending people, considering how bored I am.

  3. #3
    Riva
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    ISTP and INTJ will be a good combination.

    They both have a lot in common. Mostly the way they look at things. That matters a lot in relationships, the way couples see things. And ISTPs I have noticed make INTJs open up to them. It could be because what I mentioned above. And also because ISTPs have this easy going vibe INTJs lack. But they are serious nonetheless. This makes (or maybe something else) INTJs open up to them. And ISTPs are good at long term relationships I guess. As long as they feel comfortable and loved they would feel content. And contentment is what ISTPs want most in relationships. I am not quite sure as to what INTJs want in relationships. I believe they also being IT types would mostly settle for contentment (comfortableness) in relationships than anything else.

    In short both types complement each other due to their way of seeing things and wanting easy going contentment as opposed to drama in their relationships. And also ISTPs would bring spice to the life of INTJs (whom need a bit of spice in relationships) without bringing drama to it. And INTJs would bring decisiveness to the ISTP's life without being a nag.

  4. #4
    Riva
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    I hope all goes well with the two of you. Your fear is genuine. And also a good thing to be concerned about.

    But don't worry. If she believes she wants to leave her GF and come to you, it is her decision. Just make sure she knows the dangers of relationships being unpredictable and tell her that you can't promise a bed of roses.

    And mind you when an INTJ makes up one's mind they are most probably correct.

    And no other type is more confident in their decisions as much as INTJs are.

  5. #5
    Senior Member lauranna's Avatar
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    Hey Riva,
    Thanks very much for your reply! you seem pretty confident in this so its good to hear something positive! I just think maybe i won't turn out to be everything she thinks I might be. Once the excitement dies down and she realises im mostly pretty boring and quiet when im not doing crazy shit.
    I dont know. We will see what happens. She is in New zealand for a few weeks so I have time to think!

  6. #6
    Riva
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    Quote Originally Posted by lauranna View Post
    Hey Riva,
    Thanks very much for your reply! you seem pretty confident in this so its good to hear something positive! I just think maybe i won't turn out to be everything she thinks I might be. Once the excitement dies down and she realises im mostly pretty boring and quiet when im not doing crazy shit.
    I dont know. We will see what happens. She is in New zealand for a few weeks so I have time to think!
    The INTJs I know (the guys, whom are few of my best friends) are glad to be with girls who are calm and content. They don't want drama. So you don't have to worry about not always being exciting. Who on earth could always be exciting? And ISTPs are exciting. They are especially curious conversationalist. Which INTJs love. (Are you a Enneagram 7?.)

    This compliments INTJs quite well. Have you ever noticed that INTJs pour their brains out when they are with their closest friend. I have a INTJ friend who runs his whole internal monologue out loud for me to hear. Which is fun. It also goes to show how thoughtful they are when they think out loud things which I have never considered. Anyway, if your girl is an INTJ of this sort it would be great. ISTPs are good listener. And they don't force their thoughts on to others. And they admire intelligent friends quite a lot. I am taking you out of the point it feels. I have 3 INTJ best friends. 2 of them have this strange habit.This obviously means they trust me I guess.

    And again I repeat, ISTPs are quite exciting. They are not overwhelmingly exciting, which would burn INTJs out. But spontaneous, which INTJs lack. And when ISTPs open up they play the fool. They do silly things and say the craziest things . Aren't you this way?

    And like I said before, no type is more confident in coming to conclusions as INTJs are. They are absolutely certain about their decisions. No ENTJs are not the most confident in their decisions. (ENTJs get good ideas which they implement in rigid manner.) On the other hand INTJs get brilliant ideas that they change the moment it seems unfit. So you see, she is not seeing only one good idea/reason to get in to a relationship with you. She is seeing the future which she has thought from many many angles that seems healthy and the right thing to do. She wouldn't have told you if there was a doubt in her mind. (INTJs are perfectionists.)

    So give her a chance. But be open with her and tell her what you fear. (About the friendship thing and that you don't ever want to lose that.) But it should be noted that we are talking about love and relationships. There is always a risk in it. I wouldn't be absolutely confident in any relationship. Even if I feel I am ready to die for my girl. I hope you get the point.

    But regarding INTJs, Ni makes me feel jealous.

  7. #7
    Senior Member lauranna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Riva View Post
    The INTJs I know (the guys, whom are few of my best friends) are glad to be with girls who are calm and content. They don't want drama. So you don't have to worry about not always being exciting. Who on earth could always be exciting? And ISTPs are exciting. They are especially curious conversationalist. Which INTJs love. (Are you a Enneagram 7?.)

    This compliments INTJs quite well. Have you ever noticed that INTJs pour their brains out when they are with their closest friend. I have a INTJ friend who runs his whole internal monologue out loud for me to hear. Which is fun. It also goes to show how thoughtful they are when they think out loud things which I have never considered. Anyway, if your girl is an INTJ of this sort it would be great. ISTPs are good listener. And they don't force their thoughts on to others. And they admire intelligent friends quite a lot. I am taking you out of the point it feels. I have 3 INTJ best friends. 2 of them have this strange habit.This obviously means they trust me I guess.

    And again I repeat, ISTPs are quite exciting. They are not overwhelmingly exciting, which would burn INTJs out. But spontaneous, which INTJs lack. And when ISTPs open up they play the fool. They do silly things and say the craziest things . Aren't you this way?

    And like I said before, no type is more confident in coming to conclusions as INTJs are. They are absolutely certain about their decisions. No ENTJs are not the most confident in their decisions. (ENTJs get good ideas which they implement in rigid manner.) On the other hand INTJs get brilliant ideas that they change the moment it seems unfit. So you see, she is not seeing only one good idea/reason to get in to a relationship with you. She is seeing the future which she has thought from many many angles that seems healthy and the right thing to do. She wouldn't have told you if there was a doubt in her mind. (INTJs are perfectionists.)

    So give her a chance. But be open with her and tell her what you fear. (About the friendship thing and that you don't ever want to lose that.) But it should be noted that we are talking about love and relationships. There is always a risk in it. I wouldn't be absolutely confident in any relationship. Even if I feel I am ready to die for my girl. I hope you get the point.

    But regarding INTJs, Ni makes me feel jealous.
    Hey I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. I think you are right in that we could get on well and have a no drama relationship- which I would appreciate massively too. It's interesting that if she has made a decision then she is sure. I didn't know that about INTJs that they were so decisive.

    I just did the enneagram test and tested 9w8 sexual variant. It seems pretty accurate I guess. I see bits of type 7 in myself but 9 seems more accurate. Although generally I think ISTP describes me more totally in more aspects of myself than enneagram.

    Yes I play the fool and say the most inappropriate things all the time. I make people laugh. And I am thrill seeking and hedonistic sometimes, yet mostly I'm just peaceful.

    Anyway, I'll let you know what happens. I need to spend more time alone with her before I know if it's the right thing to do. She seems to know it's the right thing but I'm not sure. For once I'm thinking of the consequences of my actions. They are my friends and I don't want to hurt anyone.

    Do you think it's possible that the INTJs decision making process could be clouded by lust? Is that possible? Because I know she's massively attracted to me and to the idea of me and I wonder if this is what she is basing her decision on?

  8. #8
    Riva
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    Hey I really appreciate you taking the time to respond.
    My pleasure!

    I didn't know that about INTJs that they were so decisive.
    If one is given only one word to define INTJs, it would be decisive. And I cannot emphasize enough on that wonderful trait of them.
    And if two words are given the next in line would be weird . And I cannot emphasize enough on that amusing trait of them .

    Yes I play the fool and say the most inappropriate things all the time. I make people laugh. And I am thrill seeking and hedonistic sometimes, yet mostly I'm just peaceful.

    That's a better definition of ISTPs than most of the ugly descriptions written about them online, making them sound like sociopaths .

    For once I'm thinking of the consequences of my actions. They are my friends and I don't want to hurt anyone.
    You should let her know this. That you love her but doesn't want to lose her as a friend . But they are not the types who usually put the blame if things fall apart. Unless one is a crazy b*tch who takes him/her for granted.

    Do you think it's possible that the INTJs decision making process could be clouded by lust?
    In my experience love has to have a bit of lust first. I have never been attracted to/fall in love with a girl I found unattractive. So I guess INTJs 'being human' must be influenced by lust too. But to contradict that point, I have an INTJ best friend who fell in love with an unattractive girl. I gasped when he showed her to me. (I didn't show it of course.) But he warned me before seeing her that 'the girl' is unattractive but he loves her for ................. he made so many points .

    --

    We can't stereotype any type. But there are certain traits most obvious for certain types, such as INTJs being decisive. So she must be sure of her decision.

  9. #9
    Riva
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    Any INTJ could read my description about them and say, that they sometimes have quite a hard time coming to conclusions. But that doesn't change the fact that INTJs are the most decisive of all types. And if they do say they sometimes have hard times reaching to conclusions it doesn't prove me wrong because I meant they are decisive. And once they reach a decision it is final, they have no doubts. Conclusions anyone could have issues coming to.

    Anyway it is your decision too. So lets not give her all the cards .

    Ps - Do you know any good lesbian jokes?


  10. #10
    Senior Member Agent Jelly's Avatar
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    In my experience with INTJs no matter the reason they want you, they do want you. & it is genuine. I would say go for it!

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