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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecTcelfeR View Post
    Do not deny. Embrace. Do not belittle either. Accept them and respect them. We say they're illogical sometimes because we can't see the reason behind them, but this should compel us to search for that very reason.
    Indeed. It's easier to accept them and embrace them than to fight them. Besides, emotions aren't really that bad (easier said than done though). Suuuure they are scary, but maybe look at this from another angle: you're not being a sap (haha), you're just becoming a more "balanced" individual. (Or something like that.)

  2. #12
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    What's the phase after that one?
    Then you learn more about yourself and try to overcome that weakness or stay on it.

    Or dunno, who knows what the future will bring
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  3. #13
    Senior Member Vizzy's Avatar
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    Seeing animal cruelty in commercials and feeling upset about it is not "a stupid little thing".

    Getting used to death and to stop feeling empathy for dying people is the worst thing that could happen to you here, in my opinion.
    It's a difficult but accept your feelings (instead of telling yourself things like animal cruelty or death don't deserve any emotional reaction from you) and maintain professionalism (not "coldness") by doing your job well no matter what.
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  4. #14
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    They won't kill you, promise. They will however get worse and exhaust you more, the more you fight em. Just accept them for being there, and tell yourself you're allowed to feel this way. Once you acknowledge them, and know where they come from, they tend to dissipate almost instantly or soon after.

    It's kinda like realizing one day you have gills though..you have to have the courage to breathe in the water and trust you won't drown. Don't even fight the panic that comes with it..just accept it as part of the process. It becomes easier with time
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  5. #15
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vala Faye View Post
    It's kinda like realizing one day you have gills though..you have to have the courage to breathe in the water and trust you won't drown. Don't even fight the panic that comes with it..just accept it as part of the process. It becomes easier with time
    I wouldn't say that; or perhaps more accurately, you may get better at dealing with it, but I doubt it will ever be comfortable. More like becoming adept at scuba diving rather than developing gills. (At least for me, no matter how old I get, it still feels foreign, like trying to speak another language. I may keep getting better, but it will never be my native tongue.)

    In any case, emotions are neither logical nor illogical. They just "are". What is illogical is letting them drive your life.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

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    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    *ponders* That's an interesting metaphor to describe tertiary vs auxiliary/dominant Fi
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  7. #17
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    Wow, I've felt that way my whole life, but instead, learned to build a wall of reason against it since I was about 25 or so.

    Interesting backwards experience of preferring Fi over Te...my Te kicking in felt like a strengthening, not a weakening. On the other hand, it began to make me feel (about a year ago or so) like I'd become so detached and cynical about certain things that it wasn't really healthy (some people probably think I need more detachment, but I'm completely serious when I say I was a lot "softer" when I was younger).

    Your Fi is a gift. Fi is a wonderful, beautiful thing. It probably seems uber-strong because it's like you just got your training wheels snatched off as a grown man, while Fi dom/aux experience theirs as children and teens. Your Fi probably seems beyond your control because it's so new to you (just like sometimes my Te harshness seems very awkward and lacking in finesse).

    Did something traumatic happen to you, though, to make it especially like a sensation of a floodgate being opened? Because, yes, as an Fi type it would be extremely hard for me to work with the dying, and I thought Te types would naturally have a more rational distance.

    Are you sure you're not an INFP?

  8. #18
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    @Marm: actuallly, ime, once IxTJs start developing Fi, they tend to have to start from scratch the way we do, as they have no idea how to combine Te and Fi properly yet, especially not when Fi suddenly takes priority in a situation. They get the hang of it in private usually though, or with a trusted person (as it often freaks them out, and seems to get triggered by strong emotional situations ), so it doesn't show to the greater public most of the time. It's kinda endearing to watch, and feels very special if they decide to confide in you before they get the hang of it
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  9. #19
    Senior Member fecaleagle's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the great responses everyone. They were all very helpful

    Quote Originally Posted by Vala Faye View Post
    They won't kill you, promise. They will however get worse and exhaust you more, the more you fight em. Just accept them for being there, and tell yourself you're allowed to feel this way. Once you acknowledge them, and know where they come from, they tend to dissipate almost instantly or soon after.

    It's kinda like realizing one day you have gills though..you have to have the courage to breathe in the water and trust you won't drown. Don't even fight the panic that comes with it..just accept it as part of the process. It becomes easier with time
    This makes so much sense! And yes, "exhausting" is a great way to put it. Before, the only way I could ever get exhausted was by being around people for too long. Te has always been energizing for me..the more I think, the faster I go (which always confuses people who get exhausted from studying and what not). Now it feels like Fi is sucking energy from me, but the culprit is probably me actively fighting it

    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Wow, I've felt that way my whole life, but instead, learned to build a wall of reason against it since I was about 25 or so.

    Interesting backwards experience of preferring Fi over Te...my Te kicking in felt like a strengthening, not a weakening. On the other hand, it began to make me feel (about a year ago or so) like I'd become so detached and cynical about certain things that it wasn't really healthy (some people probably think I need more detachment, but I'm completely serious when I say I was a lot "softer" when I was younger).

    Your Fi is a gift. Fi is a wonderful, beautiful thing. It probably seems uber-strong because it's like you just got your training wheels snatched off as a grown man, while Fi dom/aux experience theirs as children and teens. Your Fi probably seems beyond your control because it's so new to you (just like sometimes my Te harshness seems very awkward and lacking in finesse).

    Did something traumatic happen to you, though, to make it especially like a sensation of a floodgate being opened? Because, yes, as an Fi type it would be extremely hard for me to work with the dying, and I thought Te types would naturally have a more rational distance.

    Are you sure you're not an INFP?
    Haha I definitely like the training wheels analogy. And interesting about how Te is strengthening for you while Fi feels weakening for me. At the moment I'm having a hard time feeling my Te presence like I used to but I will try to acknowledge Fi and tell it to get back in line and be curteous of my 1st and 2nd functions. In fact I have been doing illogical things lately just because I "feel like it". Didn't realize it until now. And I agree it is a beautiful thing; I just have to learn how to find beauty in sadness I guess. I'm starting to sometimes feel happy when I get sad as well, which makes no sense to my rational mind.

    Definitely an INTJ though. My life has been dominanted by super Ni and Te back and forth..until now
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  10. #20
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    Then you learn more about yourself and try to overcome that weakness or stay on it.

    Or dunno, who knows what the future will bring
    Was just curious whether you'd observed something interesting.

    IME what Vala Faye said is true, you kind of have to start from scratch...for me I went from oblivious to

    * extremely open to others, their emotions, their convictions, their wishes...absolutely doubting my assumptions, catering to other people's feelings and being obsessively understanding (paired with a general distrust of Te and judging in general). Feeling very strongly, feeling very insecure. Doubting whether I had a right to feel x,y,z...this seemed like the emo phase...PROS: understanding, depth of feeling developed, a whole new world of human interaction opening up, learning so, so much more about yourself, how you work, what's important to you, how Fi steers us. CONS: indulging others excessively, victim attitude, the draining aspect fecaleagle mentioned.

    to...

    *the phase where you discover the discernment or judging aspect of Fi. For me I grew increasingly unhappy with the extremes of the emo phase (I would often feel used or walked over - unable to say no - or trying to please others constantly) and realised that my idealistic Fi expectations with regard to interaction were well...unrealistic and in a way also unfair. I became increasingly aware that I would have to assert myself more and co-pilot my interactions, in a way this was assuming responsibility. Standing up for myself meant that I had to validate my irrational and emotional side. It means I had to learn what is and isn't me, what is important to me and what isn't so much and actually indicate that. Sometimes it's as simple as saying "Wow, that would upset me." about a scenario such as someone not responding to a heartfelt e-mail. This acceptance of my own Fi predicates and the concern with the performance of them means I am more more closed-off to others and thus scenarios like the one described in the OP. I'm more discerning about who I empathise with (people that are close to me and mean well). This phase seems to come with a more cooperative attitude towards Te. If the "oblivious" phase hinges on the absolute predicate of Te and the emo phase dismisses it I feel like this phase strikes a good balance. I've come to re-appreciate it as a tool that is important to me (also in the assertion of Fi) and that is part of me and can be a great thing in dialogue with Fi. Renewed acceptance of Te facilitates the acting out of your Fi values and that's why I would call it the activist phase. It's definitely possible to over-validate your feelings and take the "unapologetically being yourself" thing too far here (also as a compensation for the previous stage). I hope to learn to operate boundaries in a nuanced manner along the way.

    CONS: talking yourself too seriously, Fi judgementalness, moral crusading PROS: standing up for yourself, being a more present partner, taking your life into your own hands in a way that honours both Te and Fi...possibly making a mark on the world (I think this taps into Se as well, as does the previous phase actually, in the more explorative sense of extraverted perception)

    I'm still in the activist phase I think, so some things may be obscured to me still and of course these attitudes aren't mutually exclusive. I caught myself telling someone he was being supercondescending to women and then afterwards feeling bad about having wagged my finger at him and having been all judgy an' shit.

    Going from obliviousness to that first phase can be really tough. But it's definitely very interesting.

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