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  1. #1
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Default Cutting your boss off

    So is there anybody out there who may know this problem and may have an idea. Here's what I mean:

    it basically happens to me with introverted people, who do long rhetorical pauses while speaking. So my boss is undoubtly an INTJ and he has that no shit straight face business look. He's the sole dictator of 400 people and there are just no times for jokes. So my charm doesnt work here.

    In case my charm doesnt work, I have to appear competent, which is difficult when you are not . Especially as a trainee your competence level equals shit, so what to do what to do...

    So when conversing with him, he usually does the talking but then he makes this long pauses and me thinks, ok he wants you to say something now. But thats not the case, the moment I start talking, I am interrupted by him who continues after a long pause, wtf...

    Does he hate me ? Or does he want to provoke me and see if he'd survive a fistfight with me ? Whats the deal here, I dont understand that.. I mean obviously I am a very assertive person and I like to interrupt people myself a lot. But not to the extent that I wouldnt know the quality a good conversation can have at times when it comes to brainstorming or idea generating.

    The boss was born as a boss. He became boss when his Dad opened up the position. Could it maybe be that because he was born boss, that he never learnt to discuss ? I mean in the sum of all things he is a totally nice guy, he is comforting, he is 100% reliably and kind, its just not possible to have a productive argumentative discussion with him ?!?!?!

    One last idea is that he's maybe that kind of guy who needs a long time to build trust. While I can easily trust his competence already, because I can feel that he's good, he maybe still needs to get to know me, we know each other for only 2 days.. hehe

    Whats your opinion ?
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  2. #2
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Listen. Wait through his pauses. Get to know him better. Two days is not enough yet. Just listen.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  3. #3
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    you are probably right, I am prolly too over enthusiastic.

    I have to add here so the thread title makes sense: when he is speaking or explaining something, those pauses irritate me so much that I periodically interrupt him as well.

    i see by his actions and his way to lead that he and me fundamentally think the same way. We had a long discussion today about the embarkment onto a new market and all the remarks and ideas I had, he had as well, so I really felt understood. You could say that guy already made it to be a role model for me in only 2 days and I never had role models in my life and am deeply misantrophic. Its not his position that does impress me, its his whole person; he is that kind of person I'd like to become myself.

    Deeply impressive thats why it bugs me so much that we talk like two retards to each others. I dont want to leave a bad impression
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  4. #4
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Yeah, I wouldn't interrupt him. He is your boss. Possibly a self-centered wind bag, but still the guy who can fire you.

  5. #5
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nebbykoo View Post
    Yeah, I wouldn't interrupt him. He is your boss. Possibly a self-centered wind bag, but still the guy who can fire you.
    Thanks thats good advice as well. I tend to have the tendency to walk into walls headfirst and only later on when I am fired recognize I should have stepped down a bit in the first place .

    I have another theory. The city I come from, people are very traditional steelworkers with a kinda soft spot in the heart. Its this workers mentality you know. I am at the present moment far too enthusiastic about all new, to show any kind of soft side, therefore I appear outwardly as very tense, concentrated and maybe cold-hearted.

    Since the boss is directly working with people having the workers mentality but he himself is a more rational guy, it could be that my tenseness is in the way for him to get to know me. Maybe he needs to see if I have a good heart and thats only possible for me to show if I lay down my defense.

    oh god, this whole things involving emotions make life so difficult its hilarious :girlpower:
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  6. #6
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I feel like Albert Speer atm, the guy to the right in the picture. He should have been the architect to Hitlers idea to build the world capital city Germania and later on in the war he managed the industry and he did such an intense job that the americans thought, even after bombing 90% of german fuel reserves, the industry just wont breakdown. If they had known that this was only thanks to slave workers and a ultimatily emotionless and ruthless management by Albert Speer, they'd have won the war earlier:

    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  7. #7
    ThatGirl
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    Just reiterate what he just said. "So this this this?" Then he can let you know if he is finished speaking or not. This comes across as active listening but also lets him know he needs to get to the point.

  8. #8
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    Just reiterate what he just said. "So this this this?" Then he can let you know if he is finished speaking or not. This comes across as active listening but also lets him know he needs to get to the point.
    yes, hehe, I tend to have THAT habit constantly. I just recently broke with the habit to sum up the things my girlfriend says at the end, it drove her crazy and I got pissed with time being called a computer . Its really less about understanding him, I do that perfectly, its more about the way of discussion, its not flawless, its not cool, you know what I mean ?

    Its prolly really only overenthusiasm on my side and I need to give things a bit of time
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  9. #9
    nevermore lane777's Avatar
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    Maybe this is obvious and you tried this already, but even something as simple as apologizing for "interrupting," can let him know you're not trying to disrespect him or assert dominance by it. If you genuinely apologize every time, this will tell him your interruptions are never intentional and it will also tell him you're concerned they may be offending him. If he thinks your interruptions were intentional, an apology will clear that up. But if he never takes offense to them, he should want to reassure you of that. He sounds like a decent person, so I'm sure with an apology, he will be quick to forgive OR put you at ease if there was never an issue.

    If that fails, keep in mind (which ThatGirl and you just touched on): there is no one way to communicate properly. So try different approaches until you hit the mark.

    Whether you use this advice or not, let us know how it goes
    To die would be an awfully big adventure - Peter Pan

    INFJ ~ 4w5 sp/sx ~ RLOAI ~ Inclusion e/w=1/0 (Melancholy Compulsive) Control: e/w=0/6 (Supine) Affection: e/w=4/0 (Phlegmatic Melancholy)

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