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Thread: INTP Flirt?

  1. #21
    violaine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    What I'd really like to know is, is it possible for the INTP to EVER let go of that cynicism and wit? Will they ever allow themselves to be vulnerable or understand the value in demonstrating raw emotion and affection?
    Absolutely. I've chanced upon it a couple of times in two friendships and in a romantic relationship. Greatly surprised me. I started to notice that the INTPs I know take the softer feelings of someone they like pretty seriously. Even in friendships. e.g. the INTP is bantering, being acerbic and the other party softly remarks that they went too far... INTPs I've known respect that and back it off.

    I've asked specifically about how strong emotions are received in a relationship. The three INTPs I've known (BF, guy friend, girl buddy <--- all super sarcastic) all say that they are very fond of strong, positive emotions. And that they really want to see it from their partners in a relationship. And when they have that, they've been the most open and true-hearted people about their softer feelings. I like seeing an INTP in that mode. <3

    -------
    And INTPs can be very able flirts, even for sport. Perhaps a shy INTP might find it hard but being INTP doesn't preclude sport flirting. Esp on the internet. And esp if it's reciprocated. I think it's obvious when an INTP crosses over to serious pursuit though. They can be very direct. I suspect they need to feel strongly about the person, that there is relationship potential and that the interest is mutual.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    Do INTP's flirst with people for long periods of time without ever having any real intention of it progressing?

    Just curious =)
    Well, at least one does.

    Sometimes, when I fall for a girl, I'll flirt with her best friend as a kind of way of "keeping my distance" while at the same time "getting to know her". I fall hard sometimes, and it can be misconstrued as creepy so one way of "easing into things" is by innocently flirting with her friend. It's good practice plus sometimes you end up falling for the girl you were flirting with in the first place..

    I've been doing this, off and on, for around 6 months with one girl in particular. I don't want to make a move yet because she is the type of girl you marry, and we are too young to get married, so starting anything now would be akin to "lovers suicide" lol. Keeping this in mind, I'll probably flirt with her friend for another 2/3 years before I finally drop the act and make a move...assuming of course me and this girl are compatible..(but I get to evaluate this while this "friendly flirting stage" is going on with her friend)

  3. #23
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    ^^^
    Wow. Have you considered that this flirting up the friend strategy might be a tad risky? While I can see the benefits of keeping ones distance and observing them in a more unaffected manner, I would think that this behavior might really deter your true object of desire.

    INTP's be carazy!
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

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    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    INTP's be carazy!
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

    Read

  5. #25
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    I don't flirt to lead people on, but I sometimes flirt when I'm feeling "on." Like, without romantic intent, but feeling more confident and wanting to interact with others and be charming and engaging instead of standoffish. I've been told I've misled people that way, so I've become hyperaware of not leading people on.

    When I was younger, I wouldn't have been aware enough to care. I wouldn't have understood how it would affect others' feelings.

    INTPs can be very earnest and very gushy when we feel safe and the feelings are mutual. But I, for one, will NOT get gushy unless I know the other person is a safe place and likes me back and is not just seeing where he can get with me. I can't do dating for "fun." I think my F-tardedness makes me always wonder about the other person's intentions in the beginning, so I have to get my bearings first.
    Something Witty

  6. #26
    Senior Member Jessica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    INTP's be carazy!
    Or maybe everyone else is crazy.

    The majority does not define truth.
    I have a (new) blog here.

    You should do these: JohariNohari

  7. #27
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    When I see an INTP flirt, what I am referring to is more of a coming out of their cave and showing a marked interest in someone with various comments of subtle endearment masked through cynacism and wit. Again, just a guess *shrugs*.
    To me, this isn't necessarily flirting. And I've had it mistaken for that IRL. It can be one of three things: (a) an honest attempt to get out of our shell and get to know someone better/make a friend (e.g., "Hi folks, welcome to the San Diego Zoo. On your left you will see an INTP actually making an effort to be social and make a friend. Please be quiet, don't stare too much, and don't laugh. Just watch and observe. It may be a while before you see this again." (b) You've become a really good friend and they're beginning to trust you - as a friend. They really like hanging out with you. (c) They "like" you.

    Cynacism, wit, and endearment - that's just our normal mode of communication (when we feel like communicating). Ne + Fe. That's just INTP's being INTP's. When it becomes more pronounced, more confident, more open/transparent, etc, that just means that they've put trust in you. They trust that they can be themselves around you. They trust your friendship, they're comfortable with you.


    What I'd really like to know is, is it possible for the INTP to EVER let go of that cynicism and wit? Will they ever allow themselves to be vulnerable or understand the value in demonstrating raw emotion and affection?
    Yeah, definitely. I'm not "going there" though, unless I know for certain that I want to progress with that person. I'm not going to get all "vulnerable" and comfy/cozy and talking about feelings unless I know I'm ready to move forward. Why would I do that? To confuse someone? Play with their emotions? Love isn't a game.*

    Once "we" (as a couple) make the mutual decision to "move forward" - become an exclusive couple, date, etc, then everything becomes fair game. All my emotions, all of who I am becomes available to you. I still may be slow/cautious/observant in certain areas as the relationship unfolds, but for the most part, if I've made that decision, then it's game on.

    *In regards to the above, it has been the times that I have shown my vulnerable side and been very open (with girls who I didn't see myself with romantically, but only as good friends) that ended up in disaster. By me being open and vulnerable, they thought it meant something more than it did. So, I try not to do it anymore unless I know I'd like to move forward with them, otherwise they may get hurt and hate me for it. You have to be very careful with these kinds of things. School of hard knocks.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  8. #28
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I don't flirt to lead people on, but I sometimes flirt when I'm feeling "on." Like, without romantic intent, but feeling more confident and wanting to interact with others and be charming and engaging instead of standoffish. I've been told I've misled people that way, so I've become hyperaware of not leading people on.

    When I was younger, I wouldn't have been aware enough to care. I wouldn't have understood how it would affect others' feelings.
    I relate to a lot of this, I won't really consider the interpretations of my behavior towards others that I like to have fun and joke with, so I could very well be flirty with people [if that's how the other person describes it] for extended periods of time. I take a particular interaction style that emerges naturally between the two of us and just roll with it. Like Huxley says, this will usually take the form of sarcasm, dry wit, and copious insults.



  9. #29
    Senior Member jimrckhnd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post

    INTPs can be very earnest and very gushy when we feel safe and the feelings are mutual. But I, for one, will NOT get gushy unless I know the other person is a safe place and likes me back and is not just seeing where he can get with me.
    "Safe" is a very big word here.

    Most of the time my mode is to mistrust emotions in general and really not trusting my own emotions (little bastards are always up to some kind of mischief). As a result, probably like a lot of my type I have the reputation of being a pretty hard person: not suffering fools gladly, stoic, yadda, yadda. I have trouble with insecurity with relationships - esp. in the beginning. So its a struggle to not hold back and frankly I need a steady slow drip of affirmation and affection - not clingy per se - even a quick text will suffice.

    But when I start to feel safe and secure with someone - that hard facade collapses and I'm about gushy as warm honey and almost absurdly earnest - heart on sleeve, letting all the feelings hang out. It's kind of exhilarating but oh jeez... does it leave you open to have your teeth kicked in. On the other hand its so relaxing not to have to exert control all the time.
    Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by jimrckhnd View Post
    "Safe" is a very big word here.

    Most of the time my mode is to mistrust emotions in general and really not trusting my own emotions (little bastards are always up to some kind of mischief). As a result, probably like a lot of my type I have the reputation of being a pretty hard person: not suffering fools gladly, stoic, yadda, yadda. I have trouble with insecurity with relationships - esp. in the beginning. So its a struggle to not hold back and frankly I need a steady slow drip of affirmation and affection - not clingy per se - even a quick text will suffice.

    But when I start to feel safe and secure with someone - that hard facade collapses and I'm about gushy as warm honey and almost absurdly earnest - heart on sleeve, letting all the feelings hang out. It's kind of exhilarating but oh jeez... does it leave you open to have your teeth kicked in. On the other hand its so relaxing not to have to exert control all the time.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

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