INFP here. Longtime NT admirer.
I'd like more control over my emotions, especially feeling insecure, possessive, and jealous in relationships. You guys seem to have it down.
It probably comes naturally to you, but I know how good you are at breaking things down and analyzing how they work, so I trust you'll be able to explain your process.
This question is driven by the fact that I'm currently seeing this guy who is INTP, and has not a jealous bone in his body. Our relationship started as a friendship and we grew closer and it blossomed into love...but it's a different kind of love than I've ever experienced. It's got this purity to it, almost an innocence. It's strong, and true, and free of culturally-driven romantic expectations. Neither of us want to get married or have kids and we're handling it like a friendship without promises of forever. We're openly non-exclusive and we even talk to each other about the other people we date! We can talk about anything together and accept each other. We occasionally have conflicts that we are able to work through. We have a lot of fun together, and an awesome "mindmeld." And I'm just so happy! It's like being a kid again and having a bestie, except there's great sex too.
The only conflicts we've had are because I sometimes get these pangs of insecurity regarding other women he likes. It's completely irrational because
1. I accepted that he didn't want a relationship going in and agreed to his terms because the time we spend together is so great.
2. I know what he and I have is special and he's able to compartmentalize, so it's not like I'm going to be suddenly ignored in favor of someone else.
3. Our relationship is based on friendship and we both hold that to be the highest form of love.
4. I'm seeing other people too! I feel like a hypocrite.
These feelings of jealousy are surely some knee-jerk response in me that I can overcome so I can just enjoy the relationship as it is. What are some suggestions?