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[INTJ] INTJ psycho-analysing potential mates

LostInNerSpace

New member
Joined
Jan 25, 2008
Messages
1,027
MBTI Type
INTP
I don't think he's obsessing over the facebook profile so much as using it as a resource to structure his perception of her. Ni (that is, xNxJ types) are inductive reasoners... little bits of information (such as a favourite band, something they dislike, etc.) help us form a "whole understanding"... so, in fact, it's a very J thing to do. Ni types make decisions quickly after they have all the information they need.

I figure if it's on the internet, it's fair game. And I fully use that resource as an INTJ.

That's pretty much how INTPs work. We get information from as many different sources as possible to build up the big intuitive picture. I can see what you are trying to say, but I just considered it weak because it makes him look paralyzed in his inability to take action.

I'm speaking from past personal experience. Been there, done that. Now I have a completely different attitude, approach and outlook.
 

FallsPioneer

New member
Joined
Dec 21, 2007
Messages
260
MBTI Type
INTJ
As already said, there's an attraction or some level of interest involved if an INTJ is psycho-analyzing somebody. Personally I'm a bit wary if I catch myself doing this, because it can turn into a defense mechanism, and to be defensive when potentially moving closer to someone is totally backwards and defeating. To try to analyze somebody is something I don't think I'll ever stop doing if I think they're interesting, to know what other people think and feel about things. I'm certainly not "above" approaching friends or others directly to learn about themselves, and most ambitious (read: not socially maladjusted:D) INTJ's are likely to do the same. I don't stalk over MySpace or Facebook because I wouldn't put personal stuff out there that just any idiot could see and there's privacy involved (on top of that, I don't disclose much about myself, so I'm :ninja:)*

However,

1. I do put stock in my judgments and readings of people.
2. Figuring out people is interesting.
3. My criteria for interesting is totally arbitrary and impossible to explain. But there are people whom I've ignored initially but later I end up thinking "what was wrong with me! that person is so cool!"

Overtime I've gotten sick of doing such things, so I like people who are naturally somewhat disarming and NOT like me, because I consider myself sobering in spite of my alleged friendliness. On top of that, venturing without abandon into a relationship is something I secretly want but cannot do easily.

So although I can just go with it, when I see others who do it naturally, that makes me happy.

*I have stalked over Myspace before. I always held the same principle I described when stalking, but I decided to live with the dirtiness of what I was doing for the sake of spying.
 

Kristiana

New member
Joined
Dec 28, 2007
Messages
326
MBTI Type
INTJ
As already said, there's an attraction or some level of interest involved if an INTJ is psycho-analyzing somebody.

Agreed, and there has to be some level of uncertainty there too, or analyzing wouldn't be necessary. At least, that's how I've worked :)
 

Usehername

On a mission
Joined
May 30, 2007
Messages
3,794
Agreed, and there has to be some level of uncertainty there too, or analyzing wouldn't be necessary. At least, that's how I've worked :)

What about sketchy people who don't even realize that they're all talk? And that they're actually very not-stable people? My (mandatory) mentor was like that... boy, was that a shocker once I figured out how messed up she was. She was a genuine, sweetheart kind of person, but seriously... had no solid base of knowing herself or how to read into things once I really got to talk to her about things that mattered.

And she sold me before as someone trustworthy. (Again, she was. She was just really not a stable person.)
 

Badlands

New member
Joined
Apr 5, 2008
Messages
98
MBTI Type
INTP
I have a friend who I think is INTJ, and he psychoanalyzes just about everyone that comes into contact with him. I think any TJ is bound to psychoanalysis because it's one of their main ways to understand the world around them.
 

LostInNerSpace

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Joined
Jan 25, 2008
Messages
1,027
MBTI Type
INTP
Why do I always attract boring and neurotic guys!!!???? :cry:

The question is why are you attacted to these guys?

the thing is that my dad is an INTP, I think.. (borderline P/J). And I am maybe for this reason attracted to INTPs, since like msot girl, my dad is my absolute unconscious and conscious male model...

:doh: psychoanalyzing again, sorry! :D
 

Wolf

only bites when provoked
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
2,127
MBTI Type
INTJ
That we bother to investigate and learn more about you means that we're interested.
 

Kristiana

New member
Joined
Dec 28, 2007
Messages
326
MBTI Type
INTJ
What about sketchy people who don't even realize that they're all talk? And that they're actually very not-stable people? My (mandatory) mentor was like that... boy, was that a shocker once I figured out how messed up she was. She was a genuine, sweetheart kind of person, but seriously... had no solid base of knowing herself or how to read into things once I really got to talk to her about things that mattered.

And she sold me before as someone trustworthy. (Again, she was. She was just really not a stable person.)

For me, that's where listening to the Ni comes in. My intuition usually tells me these things, I just have to 1) trust it, and 2) be quiet enough so I can hear it :D I don't consider that analyzing, because it's so automatic.

That's unfortunate about your mentor... I'm sorry that it worked out like that. I'm studying to be a psychologist, so I catch emotional instability pretty quickly - I'd better be able to! ;)

Oh, and ETA I like the quote in your signature. I have that same one on my Facebook profile, haha! Lewis is one of my fav authors.
 

Usehername

On a mission
Joined
May 30, 2007
Messages
3,794
For me, that's where listening to the Ni comes in. My intuition usually tells me these things, I just have to 1) trust it, and 2) be quiet enough so I can hear it :D I don't consider that analyzing, because it's so automatic.

That's unfortunate about your mentor... I'm sorry that it worked out like that. I'm studying to be a psychologist, so I catch emotional instability pretty quickly - I'd better be able to! ;)

Oh, and ETA I like the quote in your signature. I have that same one on my Facebook profile, haha! Lewis is one of my fav authors.

Yeah. The worst part was that I got that Ni vibe from her right from the start; I sort of asked a few people was they thought of her... And I overrode the vibe because it was a) a reputable Christian program, with stringent hiring processes and b) because everyone around me was talking about how great she was and the other girls she was in charge of mentoring really got so much out of her. (At the beginning. By the end she had completely unraveled; she eventually told us it was the worst year of her life it was so hard for her.)

So, from that, I've learned to keep my mouth shut and trust my intuition. :yes:

I won't go so far as saying my Ni is completely reliable, but I do think past history has given me reason to trust myself more than others, even if there are multiple others who feel the same way.
 

Tigerlily

unscannable
Joined
Jun 21, 2007
Messages
5,942
MBTI Type
TIGR
Enneagram
3w4
Me-INFJ, SO-INTJ. We both analyze everything but he probably keeps more of it to himself (T) while I am more outward (F). When we first got together he was very reassuring and I was a little skeptical. He was correct. They always are (the real ones anyway). ;)
 

FallsPioneer

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Dec 21, 2007
Messages
260
MBTI Type
INTJ
I'd feel embarrassed if someone could tell that I was psychoanalyzing them right in front of them.
 

Kristiana

New member
Joined
Dec 28, 2007
Messages
326
MBTI Type
INTJ
Yeah. The worst part was that I got that Ni vibe from her right from the start; I sort of asked a few people was they thought of her... And I overrode the vibe because it was a) a reputable Christian program, with stringent hiring processes and b) because everyone around me was talking about how great she was and the other girls she was in charge of mentoring really got so much out of her. (At the beginning. By the end she had completely unraveled; she eventually told us it was the worst year of her life it was so hard for her.)

So, from that, I've learned to keep my mouth shut and trust my intuition. :yes:

I won't go so far as saying my Ni is completely reliable, but I do think past history has given me reason to trust myself more than others, even if there are multiple others who feel the same way.


Same here. Don't you hate when you ignore the Ni and it turns out to have been right all along?! Recent example for me: at a grad school residency, I got to talking with this ISTJ guy, and it seemed like we could potentially be friends. But, the Ni got a vibe, very briefly, of "Creep!!" I chose to ignore it, writing it off to be paranoia on my end. And, about ten minutes after getting that vibe, he propositioned me... knowing I was married, and him being married with two kids. What a pervert! lol.

I wonder how much of her issues were propagated by the Christian subculture (don't get me wrong - I'm a Christian too, but I have certainly been burned by various issues in the culture). It seems that at least in the fellowships I grew up in, everyone is encouraged to take on leadership roles, those roles being the hallmark of strong spiritual maturity. The problem is... if people are psychologically not ready or capable of assuming those roles, they are pushed into them anyway. The sad and untrue assumption is that good Christians are always emotionally strong and always psychologically healthy. That, of course, causes people who are hurting to hide their pain and work toward "becoming a leader" instead of seeking out the healing they need. As a future professional counselor, I hope to change this. /end rant :D
 

umop_3pisdn

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Joined
Jan 15, 2008
Messages
23
MBTI Type
INTJ
I can be prone to psychoanalyzing people, but I try to be kind of sneaky about it, because I realize this makes lots of people uncomfortable. Like in person I'll be somewhat calm/serene and seemingly just asking them questions for conversation or out of genuine interest. But at the same time I'm also logging certain facts and intuitions that can be used later. This method just seems to come somewhat naturally to me. I tend to be kind of selective when it comes to closer friendships or relationships, and as others said, I do like to feel informed before I make a decision.

My perceptions of others seem mostly intuition based, though. Or at least, my impressions are not always the easiest things to define, and sometimes seem to be lacking in apparent rational grounding. Though I still find my intuition to be my best judge of character. I'm usually the first to discover that I think ______ is kind of a horrible or worthless person, for example, though it is not always negative... just usually. Though I guess it's sort of bad to view people in that way... others often come around to my way of viewing that person, after they get to know him/her better. So most of my judgments seem to have been backed-up by others, in most circumstances. I tend to be on the cautious side when it comes to who I associate with. If I pick up unpleasant or even bad "vibes", I tend to avoid contact in the future.

So, I feel my ability to assess the personality of others is somewhat valuable. At least, I rely on it a great deal, in order to make sense of others. Though I think if someone develops more compassion and openness, they tend to realize that their intuitions are inherently limited. They're maybe a semi-accurate sketch of that person, but it's nowhere as real as the real thing. And it tends to take one's own perspective too seriously, to some degree. People with different backgrounds are going to view life differently, sometimes I think of if things had been different in my life, how different of a person I would be. Accounting for this can easily throw off our more grasping or vague intuitions about someone, causing us not to indulge them, so they can be seen as what they generally are... a form of self reflection about that person, based on personal symbols that are not necessarily apt in describing that person on any deep level. Unless they're a very shallow person. Depth is usually somewhat easy to discern. Or at least, the people severely lacking in depth seem to make it very obvious.

I think the analysis makes many people uncomfortable because they're kind of reduced to being a subject of study. A person can mercilessly employ notions and ideas to construct some personally shaded and biased model of that person. I can see this removing some of the magic. Also, it can easily be used as a defense mechanism, or can foster internal barriers or ideas leading to self-defeat.
 
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