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  1. #1
    Senior Member MoneyTick's Avatar
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    Default How Do You Stop a Cognitive Overload Steamroller?

    In every public situation, even in the absence of alcohol, I fire-hose down people with talk at 5,000 RPM.

    I cannot stop speed-talking and I can jabber on for hours.

    Consider a few nights ago whilst bar-hopping in lower Manhattan: my unique dialogue (or should I say monologue) had apparently magnetized every woman to me within earshot of my jabber only to observe them withdraw, inflicted with a syndrome of cognitive dissonance.

    People don't find me annoying because my "drunken dialogue" actually has some substance, and I speak of relevant events and phenomenon that people are interested in. I've been told that I'm very entertaining and stimulating, however, my intensity of expression coupled with my speedy turbo-talk just takes it overboard.

    Is it normal for ENTJs to dump information all over the place like a backhoe?

    I mean, I just can't stop talking. To slow down my sentences and make them more generic would be to force myself to act unnaturally.

    The other night, a few MILFs I was hitting on thankfully expressed their critique of my bar etiquette and personality (of which was well-received). They told me that I was probably the smartest person they've met to date, and made it to the top of their funny list - but overall, I had an extremely intense character which was just way too much.

    Women will tell me point blank: "I can't handle you at all" or "You are [insert compliments], but my brain has gone into OVERLOAD."

    My verbal transmission is apparently flawed at every gear. At first I come off as intense and captivating, but then as I try to smooth things out I become way too sporadic and superficial.

    They say I'm a colorful character with distinguished finesse of stellar charm and a non-generic vocabulary, but I end up just "overloading" people (women in particular).

    As a matter of fact, the only women that can handle me are Asians.

    As a white male in my mid-twenties, the only form of love or affection I have experienced came from Asian girls. I really do love their company, they're cute, and most of them can (with pleasure) entertain my deep intellectual conversations with a casual twist for HOURS. My intuition tells me that I'll probably end up marrying somebody Asian (whether Chinese, Japanese, Korean, etc...).

    I talk extremely fast with articulacy, however, at the end of the night women just tell me I did a good job of overloading them to the brink of cognitive dissonance.

    Is it my Achilles Heel, or a figment of my imagination?

    Should I just try to be the generic male who keeps it simple? ...

    Or spin those webs of artful dialogue?

    The only problem is that I CAN'T keep it simple. It's unnatural for me, and I won't be acting 'myself.'

    And yes, I do humble myself. I ask tons of questions and yield to others' comments and opinions with reverence. I have the utmost respect for women, have never touched anyone inappropriately, and give out many complements. I make sure it's stays a two way street, and I'm always eager to showcase others in a positive light.

    It all comes down to this: I turn heads and captivate, but at the end of the day I'm a women deterrent.
    got chaos?

  2. #2
    ThatGirl
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    I can't stand people who speak the way you're describing. It is actually offensive to the personal bubble.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MoneyTick View Post
    It all comes down to this: I turn heads and captivate, but at the end of the day I'm a women deterrent.
    Gee. I can't imagine why.

  4. #4
    Superwoman Red Herring's Avatar
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    Have you tried reducing the speed of delivery without compromising the content?
    I deal with a somewhat similar problem (though I'm much less outgoing than you seem to be) and have been adviced by a professional to simply make a conscious effort to talk more slowly. That alone will make it easier for others to follow your train of thoughts. And - added bonus - it might help you think just the slightest bit more slowly and thus in a more structured and coherent manner...a win-win situation.
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
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  5. #5
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Te = Conciseness. Ne = what you're describing and the way you're describing it.

    Sure you're not ENTP?
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  6. #6
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    I mean, I just can't stop talking. To slow down my sentences and make them more generic would be to force myself to act unnaturally.
    Of course you can. You'd just prefer everyone else adapt to you.

    It's not gonna happen. Social graces are something everyone has to learn sooner or later.

    You have to learn to let other people talk and share the spotlight.

  7. #7
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    Yeah you could be an ENTJ in a Te/Se loop making you seem more ESTP. Or vice versa (you could be an ESTP who thinks you're ENTJ for some reason this happens a bunch).

    I do the speed talking thing, too. I yammer. I've had people tell me that I'm talking too fast, or too loud, or that I'm just TOO SOMETHING.

    But even then, people like you exhaust me. I need alone time. I shut up for long stretches of time before the yammering begins again.

    I know a woman who is an unhealthy ENTJ (I think) and she never stops talking. She's also uber-invasive. I seriously want to put trazodone in a stun gun and have her sleep for a few days.

  8. #8
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    Also, it doesn't sound so much like you're spinning artful webs of dialogue but just inflicting yourself on others. What you're doing sounds narcissistic and invasive, like you're just ... self-absorbed.

    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    Te = Conciseness. Ne = what you're describing and the way you're describing it.

    Sure you're not ENTP?
    I think he's definitely either ENTJ or ESTP from what he's describing.

  9. #9
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    And I'm no doctor, and don't take this the wrong way - but have you ever looked into the possibility of Asperger's Syndrome? Aspies are infamous for assaulting people with long-winded pedantic monologues, about their own (often intellectual) interests.

    Then you say that these girls make these comments to your face, but make no mention of their body language. Asperger trait. Because usually people *show* their boredom/disinterest LONG before they actually directly express their dissatisfaction. So it sounds like you're missing the cues.

    And then you mention that you don't touch people inappropriately. That should be a given - the fact that you go out your way to point that out suggests that it's a social "rule" you feel the need to remember consciously. Aspergers. Most people just intuitively know these things.

    Not to offend by any means, but it can't hurt to look into it.
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  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by MoneyTick View Post
    In every public situation, even in the absence of alcohol, I fire-hose down people with talk at 5,000 RPM. [...]
    The "Golden Rule" in social conversation is: You talk 50% of the time, and the other person talks 50% of the time. If the other person is reticent and doesn’t talk much, then you use part of your 50% to draw them out: ask questions about the other person and/or ask for them to expand on what they’ve said.

    As for you: It sounds like you have good talking skills but bad listening skills.

    Think of yourself as a salesman selling a product. The product is you. So what does a good salesman do? According to a book on selling and salesmen that I was reading (“The Sales Bible”, by Jeffrey Gitomer), arguably the most important thing a salesman does is to listen to the customer: Hear his needs, listen to his objections, etc.

    The book had much to say on the subject of listening. I took a few notes:

    --Avoid all distractions. Change locations to listen better. Turn off the cell and pager. Close the door. Clear your mind and both sit or both stand in close proximity.
    --Don’t interrupt
    --Prejudice will distort what you hear. Listen without prejudging
    --Don’t jump to answer before hearing the entire situation
    --Look right at the person you’re listening to.
    --Use eye contact and listening noises (gee, I see, oh, wow, then what, really, that’s terrible, great, I didn’t know that, I see) to show the other person that you are listening.
    --Listen for purpose, details, and conclusions.
    --Focus on the words and their meaning.
    --Active listening involves interpreting. Interpret quietly or take notes.
    --Listen to what is not said. What is implied is often more important than what is spoken. Tone of speech will often reflect implied meaning.
    --Think between sentences and during quiet times.
    --Digest what is said (and not said) before engaging your mouth.
    --Visualize the situation being described to you.
    --Ask questions, then be quiet. Concentrate on the other person’s answers, not your thoughts.
    --Ask questions to show interest or concern.
    --Ask questions to be sure you understood what was said or meant.
    --Ask questions to get more info or learn.
    --Ask questions to be sure the speaker said all he or she wanted to say.
    --Demonstrate that you are listening by taking action.
    --Visualize your response or solution before responding.
    --If you are thinking during speaking, then think solution. Don’t embellish the problem.
    --Write things down as others are speaking. Jot down a word rather than interrupt the other persons train of thought: a) to keep the thought, b) to impress the other person, c) to be polite, d) to keep listening instead of interrupting.
    --Verify the situation (as needed) before giving feedback.
    --Qualify the situation with questions before giving feedback or responding.
    --Don’t interrupt just because you think you know the answer

    ****
    There was much more. But you get the idea, hopefully.

    Take one of the above items each week and practice it exclusively. Work on your “salesmanship” skills. The product is you; you should care about how well you’re selling it.

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