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  1. #11
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Agent Jelly View Post
    No I don't think I could make things worse. They are all very passive aggressive and expect everyone to have ESP about their feelings, wants, expectations. >.< I don't know why him or his family can't pick up a PHONE.
    Don't try to figure them out. Don't attempt examining them or trying to anticipate their behavior or direct the way your husband should handle it. This will cause you enormous grief and you will make zero progress. Type makes absolutely no difference here. You will only cause issues with your husband by getting involved with his family. Just. Don't. Do. It.

    That said, INTJ's like non-verbal communication and jumping right on a situation like this is way out of our normal behavior. We have to think about it.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Agent Jelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    It is not, but that is its significance: it mirrors your point.
    I'm pretty sure if you were in my position it wouldn't lack significance. His family likes to know everything in advance. So 3 weeks notice is not very much for them.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Agent Jelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    Don't try to figure them out. Don't attempt examining them or trying to anticipate their behavior or direct the way your husband should handle it. This will cause you enormous grief and you will make zero progress. Type makes absolutely no difference here. You will only cause issues with your husband by getting involved with his family. Just. Don't. Do. It.

    That said, INTJ's like non-verbal communication and jumping right on a situation like this is way out of our normal behavior. We have to think about it.
    I disagree. if you repeat the same shit over and over you aren't going to get a different result right? thats insanity. Him and his parents both have said they appreciate my directness and they think I will be able to help them get closer by sorting things out from a different approach. Refusing to face the music no matter who you are is not going to help you. Holding in feelings and exploding randomly is not healthy but very common.

    I really hate the whole "don't get involved" bullshit. Everyone played that card except ONE family when my mom was abusing me. Sometimes getting involved is better than watching people get hurt, or relationships destruct. And its not like I don't consult my husband before I approach his family. Everything I say to them or do is approved by him and vice versa. We have a very open relationship.

  4. #14
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Agent Jelly View Post
    I disagree. if you repeat the same shit over and over you aren't going to get a different result right? thats insanity. Him and his parents both have said they appreciate my directness and they think I will be able to help them get closer by sorting things out from a different approach. Refusing to face the music no matter who you are is not going to help you. Holding in feelings and exploding randomly is not healthy but very common.

    I really hate the whole "don't get involved" bullshit. Everyone played that card except ONE family when my mom was abusing me. Sometimes getting involved is better than watching people get hurt, or relationships destruct. And its not like I don't consult my husband before I approach his family. Everything I say to them or do is approved by him and vice versa. We have a very open relationship.
    Getting involved in an abusive situation and getting involved with your husband's family are two totally different things. Directness is one thing. Domineering is another and even if you continue doing the exact same thing, over time, that is how it could be viewed by them. I'm just saying I have seen this happen almost exactly the way you're describing.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  5. #15
    ThatGirl
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    Only read the op.

    It isn't very INTJ to write out an email or handle the situation the way you did. So you took the reigns, took an offensive stance, then turned it to your man to make ammends quickly....I smell feeler. Lol.

    Seriously it doesn't surprise me he wasn't that quick to respond seeing as how it wasn't really his fight.

  6. #16
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    I see forgetfulness. Unless he meant to avoid his e-mail I would say this was a fluke.

  7. #17
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    First instinct: that mother and father got a lifeline back into their son's life because your husband, at your urging, allowed them back into the realm of the immediate.

    Should they thank you? If he had written instead of spoken, he would no doubt have thought long and hard about what he said expressed and probably would have made some excellent organisational and maybe even moral points, but he would also have been relegating them to the outer world. Who knows for sure, but one might guess that the message he would have been sending would amount to the ever popular INTJ-meets-world message: back off, I'm not going to impose on you so I'll expect in return that you not impose on me. But instead he called, and they were allowed back in the realm where they can try things again.

    If he had been allowed to continue adding distance to his relationship with his parents, it's not guaranteed that eventually there would have been no contact at all. He may have decided later that there would be some utility in having them near again. Baby sitting, perhaps. Or infant tending knowledge. Or even some wider moral fabric thing of connection in families via blood that would be valuable to the child itself.
    Bellison uncorked a flood of horrible profanity, which, translated, meant, "This is extremely unusual."

    Boy meets Grr

  8. #18
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    To me, a snail-mail letter on paper takes more effort and has the potential to be either more formal, or more personal, than either a phone call or an email. I would see it as a courtesy to respond in kind to such a communication, UNLESS time was of the essence. Then, I would probably do the expedient thing (call or email), but follow up with the paper response. We would have to know more about the communication patterns of this family to know whether sending a letter was creating more distance, or being respectful of the recipient's comfort level.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  9. #19
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    Your husband seems to be passive and non-self sufficient when it comes to relating to his parents and probably to people in general. I think his behavior is more related to an underdeveloped emotional IQ than to type. This is an area where you can help.

    On the other hand, I often prefer written to verbal communication. I think it's an introvert thing. We prefer to think things through before communicating to others.

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