[MBTI General] INTx & Emotional Attachment to Potential Mates

[alakazam]

Hi all,

I'm an INTx, quite literally on the border of P and J with strong traits going either way.

I'm trying to understand the Fi/Fe and their relationship to emotional attachment to people who I deem as potentially compatible mates.

I know that the INTP's feeling function is Fe and the INTJ's feeling function is Fi.

It seems obvious to me that Fe is not responsible for the avoidance of cognitive dissonance / hypocrisy since my dad, a very strongly P INTP, seems to have no problem holding opportunistic and double-standard viewpoints on issues but yet I do.

However, I don't know which function is responsible for attachment.

Recently, I met an INTP girl and got an intuitive sense that she was very compatible. At that point, for some reason, I immediately became deeply attached to her (note: this was not infatuation).

I've heard the same type of thing about ENFPs, whose dominant feeling function is Fi, so it seems to suggest that that's a Fi characteristic too.

Does anybody have any insight into this that I don't have? Or a really good description of the difference between Fi and Fe?

 

[rav3n]

Oh, oh, the difference between Fe and Fi! Sensitive topic time!

 

[gromit]

I don't think attachment has to do with a function, it is about being human, about connections to other people.

 

[gromit]

Oh, oh, the difference between Fe and Fi! Sensitive topic time!

Haha I like your avatar next to that statement.

 

[Fluffywolf]

Fi is tricky business, especially when still maturing. That much is sure.

Sometimes I think Fi might see things people lack on a deep level and wants to incooperate those sentiments into those people, whereas Fe measures the overall being of a person and their final emotional state, and not so much the underlying sentiments.

Some 'bad relationships' can easily be pinned down on unhealthy usage of Fi, unhealthy Fi can be really obvious. Fi is not a cognative function that does well on its own, it's impractical on its own and needs to be guided and protected by other functions. But when used correctly, it can make the world a lovely place to be.

That said, I'm pretty alien to Fi myself and this is based on external observations.

 

[Elfboy]

this has more to do with instinct variants than anything.
social subtype: craves belonging, be part of a group, serve the community
sexual subtype: craves intimacy, emotional intensity and close one on one relationships with friends and lovers
self preservation subtype: desires independence, safety, comfort and personal space

 

[JocktheMotie]

How would you describe the difference between infatuation and attachment?

 

[INTP]

I don't think attachment has to do with a function, it is about being human, about connections to other people.

yea, not everything has to do with functions or types. typology actually covers quite small part of personality. i like to think types and functions more like some big core things of personality, these big hings at core arent that big of things when you look at it from the surface, but they do reach on the surface(think it as a triangle upside down), but sooo many other things have their effect to the surface level that you cant link it all to typology. its bit like these core differences(typology) have their effect on how the surface is developed, but the surface is still more about your life experiences and how they have shaped your personality.

this is why i dislike those MBTI type descriptions, they only look at the surface or stereotypical person of some type. INTP might be quite organized(and other stuff not in INTP profile) if he has learned to do so as a kid, so he would look like INTJ(for example) if you look at type profiles. or maybe his mom died to cancer when he was in his teens, so he learned to take care of(and care about) people(or saw the value in that), took her mom to hospital and learned to do all this in very organized fashion, so he relates to IXFJ profile. or maybe he learned the downside of being socially isolated and it hit him hard enough to really try to be more extraverted, so he relates more to ENTP profile etc etc

 

[jimrckhnd]

How would you describe the difference between infatuation and attachment?

I was having this conversation just recently and I observed that infatuation lasts until somebody gets a piece of lettuce between their teeth or farts.

Is it highly tranisitory state with a half life of about a month. Attachment survives the revelation of flaws and even conflict (it ain't love till you have had your first fight).

 

[JocktheMotie]

Well, the OP made an explicit distinction, and since what I'm reading implies that he's infatuated I wonder why he ruled it out. In my experience, INTPs can become highly fixated and infatuated with individuals who really capture their curiosity; they almost become an abstract obsession. The obsession carries with it, certain emotional highs and lows which can feel like you're attached to this person. So from my perspective it seems like the same thing, and I'm just curious how he's separating the two.

 

[alakazam]

Well, the OP made an explicit distinction, and since what I'm reading implies that he's infatuated I wonder why he ruled it out. In my experience, INTPs can become highly fixated and infatuated with individuals who really capture their curiosity; they almost become an abstract obsession. The obsession carries with it, certain emotional highs and lows which can feel like you're attached to this person. So from my perspective it seems like the same thing, and I'm just curious how he's separating the two.

This time, because I recognized that I was experiencing both distinctly. In the past though, I had times where I experienced one or the other but not both.

Also, how is the curve in your avatar generated?

 

[jimrckhnd]

Well, the OP made an explicit distinction, and since what I'm reading implies that he's infatuated I wonder why he ruled it out. In my experience, INTPs can become highly fixated and infatuated with individuals who really capture their curiosity; they almost become an abstract obsession. The obsession carries with it, certain emotional highs and lows which can feel like you're attached to this person. So from my perspective it seems like the same thing, and I'm just curious how he's separating the two.

It's a valid question. I've experienced this obsession myself. So... how do you tell the difference? Well I don't have a good quantitative answer but I do have a functional answer. First is time: I wasn't joking that infatuation has a short half life. Second, you don't find yourself getting bored - when I first meet somebody new that I become infatuated with there is generally an aspect of that person I'm fascinated with. With somebody I'm attached to - feel genuine affection for - I'm not focused on any particular facet of the person but more on the whole person; I find myself more or less constantly finding things about them I find interesting. Lastly I find a degree of relaxed comfort with people I’m attached to – I can be with them and not have to DO much of anything. Heavy conversations are not required.

I wish I could give you a better answer – a set of indicators that is unambiguous – but I suppose I haven’t thought on it enough. Experience has taught me a few things to watch for but I understand that is pretty small beer.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Also, how is the curve in your avatar generated?

It's a depiction of how spacetime warps for an accelerating observer.

 

[Redbone]

I was having this conversation just recently and I observed that infatuation lasts until somebody gets a piece of lettuce between their teeth or farts.

Is it highly tranisitory state with a half life of about a month. Attachment survives the revelation of flaws and even conflict (it ain't love till you have had your first fight).

Or your first fart..."Oh, god s/he is human!" *faints and never recovers*

 

[jimrckhnd]

Or your first fart..."Oh, god s/he is human!" *faints and never recovers*

Probably both.

I once had a lover suddenly become very sick with acute GI issues. As you can well guess this isn't the most romantic of experiences. She felt awful most of the night and I felt awful for her, I got virtually no sleep and she was really embarrassed.

If it was a crush it might well have been the kind of thing that would kill it. Since it was attraction the experience of being sympathetic to her distress and doing my best to take care of her was actually good for the relationship.