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  1. #11
    ThatGirl
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    Welcome to the club.
    Lol!

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    How do you evaluate feedback that is less about competence or skill than about personal qualities - like your honesty, reliability, conversational manner, etc.? Are there areas that you are more willing to entertain feedback on than others?
    Those types of things are awkward because my instinctive response is "I know." I honestly don't know if there's a normal way I respond to any particular person or any particular compliment...
    Intuition is the supra-logic that cuts out all the routine processes of thought and leaps straight from the problem to the answer.

  3. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    What clues you in to the "unspoken" things people might be thinking? Do you ever get confirmation that your interpretation of their thoughts is correct? This is something I have often wondered about. Do you prefer feedback that is specific, either positive or negative (e.g. rather than just telling you you are a jerk, someone should explain what they are upset at y ou about)?
    Good question. Hm...what are some clues? It depends on the person, really. It depends on their personality. A gentler person with an attitude of conflict-avoidance will act differently than someone gregarious and loud-spoken. It's hard to describe. And as for confirmation that your assumptions are correct, sometimes there are none (usually happens with people I'm not as close to), but generally if I sense someone has something wrong with me and I just ask them, they'll tell me and we can work it out together. I can't stand any of that "you should be able to tell what I'm mad about" business. I can sense if someone is mad or hurt, but I rarely know why. And I rarely know how to fix it without the other person giving me some kind of information.

    I guess one big "unspoken" thing I notice is that when people disagree (but aren't a confrontational kind of person) they will become really quiet and uninvolved. That can really simmer under my skin. I guess I just feel like when people withhold information from me that they're secretly judging me with no chance for us to talk about that judgment. I definitely prefer specific feedback. General feedback I tend to ignore because I tend to think people who give general feedback are either just nagging for the sake of nagging (negative) or just buttering me up (positive). It's not always the case, but I just think of general feedback as kind of useless.

    That's why if someone came up to me and told me I was a jerk, without giving reasons, I'd be less inclined to be offended (anybody can make a claim, but how are you going to back up that claim?). I guess that's why when people withhold their opinions from me, I'm not sure if their feedback is going to be general or really, really specific and if it's really, really specific then I might be in some deep poo.

  4. #14
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    I often seek feedback on how others perceive me as I have no way of seeing that side of myself unless I am told.

    It doesn't tend to be given to me unless I seek it out, according to those I ask I come across as self confident, and to those who don't know me well I also come across as unapproachable therefore they think telling me how I am perceived will not be welcomed.

    I will constantly check where I stand in non-direct ways as well and take feedback from how people say things and body language etc.

    I need external feedback. I am extrovert.

  5. #15
    Member Moxiest's Avatar
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    ENTP's: crack me up, I can't take the REALLY long debates, or too much conflict for too long... both make me want to cry... their humor keeps me sane.

    INTP's: I am not sure if you could get closer to perfection..... I have a bit of a soft spot for INTP's...

    ENTJ's: Don't seem comfortable with initiating physical affection, or even being a part of it... is this just my experience? VERY uncomfortable with their emotions! WOW! Seem to like to follow the rules, are always on time... can be alot of fun- I love having conversations with ENTJ's

    INTJ's: I have one INTJ friend. He seems a little passive aggressive. I am guessing that he is not the same as all INTJ's... seems to always be plotting/planning. Very into watches (I'm guessing most have a hobby/collection of sorts?) I definitely enjoy their very rational way of picking people apart. LOVE to analyze people with him... also love how matter of fact he is

  6. #16
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    People don't seem to have a big problem telling or showing what they think/feel about me. Unless they say it directly though, I just pretend not to notice.
    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    And thank YOU, for not responding to my post!
    You are quite welcome, assuming that is what you prefer. If I had a dollar for each of my posts that have gone unanswered, I could at least take a nice vacation, but then I generally prefer a delayed reply, or even no reply, over a hasty and ill-considered one.

    I have been mulling over the variety of experiences reported (thanks, everyone - whether listed here or not): Apotheosis and Fluffywolf seem to get very little feedback; Alakazam and Kasper look for feedback - Kasper at least seems to find it useful; ThatGirl reports getting lots of it - all unsolicited?

    My experience has been most like Fluffywolf's in that I get almost no personal feedback, but don't go looking for it either. What little I get sometimes surprises me. I would expect more along the lines of what Rasofy mentioned, but at work at least, I am surrounded by people who think more like me and would thus not make such a criticism.

    I wonder if certain types tend to elicit more feedback, and others tend to discourage it, either deliberately or inadventently. Kasper mentions the need for external feedback as an extravert, but also the fact that some people may find him too unapproachable to give feedback. On the flip side, are certain types more likely to let others know what they think about them, either verbally or otherwise?
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  7. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    And thank YOU, for not responding to my post!
    Wait...was this you demonstrating how it is you react to feedback (or lack of it)?

    If so: hilarious!

    If not: hope I didn't offend you.

  8. #18
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    None. No one around me gives me anything to work on. I've greatly relied on body language to understand what I should and shouldn't do.

  9. #19
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecTcelfeR View Post
    None. No one around me gives me anything to work on. I've greatly relied on body language to understand what I should and shouldn't do.
    How do you know how to interpret people's body language? Are you usually correct?
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    How do you know how to interpret people's body language? Are you usually correct?
    One subtle indicator: if they pull out a bat and they're about to hit you, you might have done something wrong.


    On a more serious note: I can usually get an intuitive sense from that person if I'm familiar enough with them (i.e. I have a baseline). This is usually right when I know them, but tormenting when I don't yet know them well enough.

    Apart from that, I've studied Paul Ekman's work, which is body language on a sensory level so I can use this too...
    Intuition is the supra-logic that cuts out all the routine processes of thought and leaps straight from the problem to the answer.

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