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  1. #21
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blankpages View Post
    Getting to know people waiting for the bus generally doesn't happen with me either, but last week this Asian woman who'd just moved here and couldn't speak English that well started asking me questions about the the buses around here (fees, schedules) and after we'd talked about that a bit she offered to be friends and teach me how to make a handbag sometime and gave me her address and phone number. It was weird. I thought maybe I'd go just for the hell of it, but I'm not sure now.
    Go check it out and let us know how it goes.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  2. #22
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    Is there any suggestion you will try?

    You have to start somewhere. Except in very rare cases, nobody just jumps straight into good friendships or romantic relationships with another person. You have to start small and build from there. What starts out seeming superficial becomes meaningful once you have gotten the chance to know other people and open up to one another.
    Sure, but that requires you that you will see a person for longer than a few minutes. For example when you wait for the bus, you might talk 5 words sometimes because someone has a question, but then you eventually enter the bus (sometimes not even the same bus), and you will not see that person ever again.

    I for myself needed usually months, sometimes years before I notice I even am really interested in a person. That means for me you have to find an atmosphere, a specific situation and setting which gives both of you an excuse and reason to spend some time somewhat regularly with each other before it might possibly lead to anything like a friendship. Which is why I think that some kind of hobby club (don't know if that is the correct word) or so is possibly a good idea, because here you have the excuse to spend time with each other because you both come to the place because of that hobby, and in the same time you have also already some interest in common to talk about, which makes conversation easier. I have absolutely no idea how you can at least start such a process while waiting for a bus for example, but maybe that is just me. But when I see the OP's situation, I would imagine it is similar for him.

  3. #23
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by think2much View Post
    Just FYI I really enjoy spending time on my own, It's just I get really lonely and I"m still human.
    Sorry to hear that, sounds like you are just not INTP enough.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  4. #24
    Senior Member Priori's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by think2much View Post
    I'm not gonna take a class just to meet friends.

    take a walk? You would have a better chance eating at diner alone. Honestly what kind of advice is that? How about I drive my car around to make friends.

    It's not hard to strike a conversation to random people. I want to make friends not make small talk with everyone. Two different things
    Please understand that I’m not trying to come off as hostile in my following comments, just laying things out. Nice people took the time out of their day to try to help you and you were rude to them. Now, as a fellow INTP I understand that this was most likely not intentional malice on your part but it does demonstrate a lack of social graces.

    Making friends is what NFs do, disregarding their advice is foolish and demonstrates that you failed to comprehend what they wrote. Social skills are SKILLS and need to be practiced just like any other skill. Ergo, rather than sitting at home reading forums or books; go take a walk and meet random people. Practice your skill in the field.

    It was not suggested that you would meet your best friend while strolling down the sidewalk, what was said was said is that if you don’t want to be alone then you have to hone your social skills. DAILY. You were then given examples of how to do that.

  5. #25
    Senior Member jimrckhnd's Avatar
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    "I'm not gonna take a class just to meet friends."

    Ummm... why not? It's perfectly acceptable social strategy in my mind. You take a class in something you like - maybe at a university, maybe at a local museum. You don’t have to take something for credit – just audit if necessary. I’ve taken classes and attended lectures at the Smithsonian on food and wine, oriental carpets, Civil War history, Russian Iconography… there has to be something you could take.

    Primary objective: Meet people you have something in common with.
    Secondary objective: Learn something about a subject that interests you.

    You can hardly fail to achieve the later and you never know about the former. And even solitary hobbies have groups that meet and discuss. I have a modest collection of sulfide minerals (an outgrowth of my professional interests) and am something of aficionado of road bike racing. Both activities can enjoyed on their own but… there is no reason they MUST be solitary pursuits. And in fact I have met one of my closer friends through our mutual interest in road cycling.

    I think it is the AA people who say “fake it before you make it” or some such thing. The point being if you are naturally solitaire by nature and want to change that you have to put yourself in situations that might not be initially all that comfortable. Force yourself to do something social and force yourself to interact: after awhile it get easier, then it becomes a habit.

  6. #26
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    meetup.com

  7. #27
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Not_Me View Post
    meetup.com
    +1 found a few friends (and dates) there and got to try places I wanted to see

  8. #28
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    Yes join groups or clubs. The thing that is probably going to make you look socially awkward is analysing your self-perceived social awkwardness and making a big deal about it. Basically, if you think about it, then you are probably going to be socially awkward. If you are relaxed about it, then the charm will show through.

  9. #29
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by think2much View Post
    EDIT: I guess my question is for someone similar like me how did you guys meet your friends?
    I am INTJ, but share much of your perspective regarding social action. I met almost all of my friends at school or at work. Basically, in each different setting (college, grad school, job 1, job 2) I found maybe 1 person I really got along with and became friends with. We continued those friendships even after one or both of us moved on in career. The only exception is someone I met at a financial planning seminar - again, something I attended with no intention of meeting people, it just happened.

    Bottom line: put yourself in a setting where there are other people around, preferably ones who share something with you (job or academic interest, etc.) and just be open to what happens. I have always viewed friendships as a happy by-product, not a goal, of just living my life.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  10. #30
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jimrckhnd View Post
    "I'm not gonna take a class just to meet friends."

    Ummm... why not? It's perfectly acceptable social strategy in my mind. You take a class in something you like - maybe at a university, maybe at a local museum. You don’t have to take something for credit – just audit if necessary. I’ve taken classes and attended lectures at the Smithsonian on food and wine, oriental carpets, Civil War history, Russian Iconography… there has to be something you could take.

    Primary objective: Meet people you have something in common with.
    Secondary objective: Learn something about a subject that interests you.

    You can hardly fail to achieve the later and you never know about the former. And even solitary hobbies have groups that meet and discuss. I have a modest collection of sulfide minerals (an outgrowth of my professional interests) and am something of aficionado of road bike racing. Both activities can enjoyed on their own but… there is no reason they MUST be solitary pursuits. And in fact I have met one of my closer friends through our mutual interest in road cycling.

    I think it is the AA people who say “fake it before you make it” or some such thing. The point being if you are naturally solitaire by nature and want to change that you have to put yourself in situations that might not be initially all that comfortable. Force yourself to do something social and force yourself to interact: after awhile it get easier, then it becomes a habit.
    I'm going to second (third?) taking classes as well. It's in classes that people are most interested in making friends. Somehow it puts you back on the school setting and you're 'free' from having to be all adult and having to keep your 'polite' distance
    4w5 sp/sx EII

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