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  1. #11
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    How u know all this? Have you been bird watching INTP-watching again?
    *pokes the petrie dish inhabitants with a stick*

  2. #12
    Member Faine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    You need to be happy alone before you can be happy together. The fear of loneliness will pollute any relationship you have.
    +1000 points for true-ness.

    But, in regards to the OP: If you want to meet someone... mm, I suppose I can only really suggest perhaps trying to join a club or something where you might meet people with similar interests? Build yourself a small network of people and contacts. Make it known that you're not one for nightclubs and stuff so that they don't invite you out to those kinds of things, but never turn down an opportunity to do something else.
    INFJ 9w1.

  3. #13
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    1)Find a hobby.
    2)Take a class at a community college.
    3)Take a walk.
    4)Go to a club/bar and just sit there. I do this all the time and usually by the end of the night I've made a couple wallflower friends. Alcohol doesn't hurt.

    Honestly, if you put yourself out there..the right people will find you. Go out into the world and do what you want to do. Eventually you will either get the urge to talk someone or someone will talk to you. Yesterday, a random girl tried to start a conversation with me at the bustop...it's not uncommon for complete strangers to talk to one another on the bus.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    Sorry, but I don't think you get to know people by "taking a walk" or because you wait for the bus (talking 5 words doesn't mean for me getting to know someone). Or maybe I just live in another world.

  5. #15
    (blankpages) Xenon's Avatar
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    Getting to know people waiting for the bus generally doesn't happen with me either, but last week this Asian woman who'd just moved here and couldn't speak English that well started asking me questions about the the buses around here (fees, schedules) and after we'd talked about that a bit she offered to be friends and teach me how to make a handbag sometime and gave me her address and phone number. It was weird. I thought maybe I'd go just for the hell of it, but I'm not sure now.

  6. #16
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Get some hobbies! People with hobbies are interesting and also if it's something you like doing, you'll be happier and attract people, plus you can find friends who have similar interests to you. Take a community class in something that interests you to get started.

    Edit, just realized...

    Quote Originally Posted by Mkenya View Post
    1)Find a hobby.
    2)Take a class at a community college.
    3)Take a walk.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  7. #17
    Senior Member think2much's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eckhart View Post
    Do you start imagining people for company when under influence of alcohol?

    I thought the key question of the OP is he doesn't know places where to try to get to know people besides loud party places that he doesn't like (I have the same issue, heh). Do you have some kind of hobbies (or interests in stuff) that you could do with other people together?
    This was exactly what I was asking, I don't know where to meet people. I do have hobbies, I jog, play violin, ski maby once in awhile, I enjoy doing activities alone. It helps me explore in depth.

    Quote Originally Posted by goats View Post
    What do you look like?
    Why don't you like clubs and bars? Have you been to a club before?
    club, I'm guessing loud music, dancing, pretty dark, hard to have conversation. I just don't like loud environment. I like the calm quiet atmosphere.
    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    You need to be happy alone before you can be happy together. The fear of loneliness will pollute any relationship you have.
    you want me to be alone forever? I already said I enjoy being alone, doesn't mean I'm gonna be alone forever. I still need human interaction.
    Quote Originally Posted by HeatherC View Post
    Hate to say it but it sounds like you do need a few good quality friends think2much. Expecting that you can be 100% independent seems to be causing your problems from what I can tell. Maybe you should let go of that and realize everyone needs others in their life. The best way I have found to be in a relationship is to have a few solid friendships before to help keep me healthy since relationships are high risk in that they come in and out seeing if you are right for them. Relationships are not the place to become a better and healthier person and if you expect it you are going to be hurt and mangled for misusing them. You will become more and more negative if you use them for what you are really seeking. I set 3-6 months to go to activities around town that I enjoy to meet and vet out 3-4 friends. It was a excellent step in my life and I recommend it.
    kinda hard to find a good quality friends for a guy like me, I would prefer to meet people around my age group since they can relate better. Kinda hard since most are at university or grad school.
    Quote Originally Posted by Faine View Post
    +1000 points for true-ness.

    But, in regards to the OP: If you want to meet someone... mm, I suppose I can only really suggest perhaps trying to join a club or something where you might meet people with similar interests? Build yourself a small network of people and contacts. Make it known that you're not one for nightclubs and stuff so that they don't invite you out to those kinds of things, but never turn down an opportunity to do something else.
    Most of my hobbies don't require any social interaction. My hobbies are mostly individual type.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mkenya View Post
    1)Find a hobby.
    2)Take a class at a community college.
    3)Take a walk.
    4)Go to a club/bar and just sit there. I do this all the time and usually by the end of the night I've made a couple wallflower friends. Alcohol doesn't hurt.

    Honestly, if you put yourself out there..the right people will find you. Go out into the world and do what you want to do. Eventually you will either get the urge to talk someone or someone will talk to you. Yesterday, a random girl tried to start a conversation with me at the bustop...it's not uncommon for complete strangers to talk to one another on the bus.
    I'm not gonna take a class just to meet friends.

    take a walk? You would have a better chance eating at diner alone. Honestly what kind of advice is that? How about I drive my car around to make friends.

    It's not hard to strike a conversation to random people. I want to make friends not make small talk with everyone. Two different things

    Quote Originally Posted by Eckhart View Post
    Sorry, but I don't think you get to know people by "taking a walk" or because you wait for the bus (talking 5 words doesn't mean for me getting to know someone). Or maybe I just live in another world.
    Having a small talk with someone you'll never meet again is pointless. I want to meet friends not strike a conversation to random people on the street.


    EDIT: I guess my question is for someone similar like me how did you guys meet your friends?

  8. #18
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Is there any suggestion you will try?

    You have to start somewhere. Except in very rare cases, nobody just jumps straight into good friendships or romantic relationships with another person. You have to start small and build from there. What starts out seeming superficial becomes meaningful once you have gotten the chance to know other people and open up to one another.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  9. #19
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    so instead of making a repeat of other posts I'll just quote the posts I like from the thread. One reccomendation I would like to make considering all this is to read this book: The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm It was quite an interesting read for me atleast and motivated me to be better at showing love, attention and friendship to more people.

    Quote Originally Posted by HeatherC View Post
    Hate to say it but it sounds like you do need a few good quality friends think2much. Expecting that you can be 100% independent seems to be causing your problems from what I can tell. Maybe you should let go of that and realize everyone needs others in their life. The best way I have found to be in a relationship is to have a few solid friendships before to help keep me healthy since relationships are high risk in that they come in and out seeing if you are right for them. Relationships are not the place to become a better and healthier person and if you expect it you are going to be hurt and mangled for misusing them. You will become more and more negative if you use them for what you are really seeking. I set 3-6 months to go to activities around town that I enjoy to meet and vet out 3-4 friends. It was a excellent step in my life and I recommend it.
    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    You need to be happy alone before you can be happy together. The fear of loneliness will pollute any relationship you have.
    There is so much truth in this it has to be said.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    Observations:

    INTPs in general feel they're socially awkward, even when they don't necessarily come across as such. If you were to discuss a social interaction with them, their perspectives can be completely different than what appeared to happen, according to an observer or even as the other person(s) in the interaction. That's not to say they're not socially awkward especially when they're in one of their caving moods which makes them grumpy to interact with.

    From my experiences, INTP men tend to be like others when seeking non-platonic connections. They just need a bit more encouragement with blatant shows of interest and some need the woman to be the aggressor. That said, some, even when sweating buckets, will come onto women much like other types of men by asking women out. But of the ones that I've experienced, there has to be a "click" or they're gone.

  10. #20
    Senior Member jimrckhnd's Avatar
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    I've always found the people I dated through activities we had in common. Running, cooking, and, of all things, an interest in oriental carpets. I'd say the best thing for anybody, but perhaps most especially an INTP, is to meet people where you have an interest in common with people and where you feel comfortable.

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