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  1. #1
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    Default INTPs & Friendship

    How does one know if he/she is considered to be a close friend of an INTP? How does one know if he/she is in the INTP's inner circle? What do INTPs do/say for/to their close friends that they wouldn't do/say for acquaintances?

    I am an ENFP and I find it rather easy to befriend all types-- although obviously there are always exceptions. At times, I may take for granted my ability to really get to know someone well (ie. a friend sharing intimate details) and it doesn't always register at the time what a big deal it was for them to do so. I don't want to make the mistake of doing this again.

    Oh! I also have a few other questions:

    What traits do INTPs look for close friends?
    Which traits can INTPs NOT STAND in people?

    Lastly:

    What are the traits specifically in ENFPs that INTPs admire/relate/ are attracted to?
    What are the traits specifically in ENFPs that INTPs are annoyed by or dislike?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Xyk's Avatar
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    INTPs don't have friends. We have long since evolved past the need for them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Xyk View Post
    INTPs don't have friends. We have long since evolved past the need for them.
    I think someone wants a hug! *squishes Xyk with her arms*

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    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    The following are answered for me, rather than all INTPs:

    Quote Originally Posted by cosmicjourney View Post
    What traits do INTPs look for close friends?
    Which traits can INTPs NOT STAND in people?
    Look for: Intelligence, empathy, humor, curiosity, honesty, trustworthy, openness, creativity
    Can't stand: Hubris, stupidity, lack of humor sense, controlling, anal retentive, codependence/clingy, lack of imagination

    What are the traits specifically in ENFPs that INTPs admire/relate/ are attracted to?
    What are the traits specifically in ENFPs that INTPs are annoyed by or dislike?
    Admire: Passion, energy, perseverance, championing, fearlessness
    Annoyed by: Illogical, invasiveness, stubbornness, arrogance, aggressive (when in Fi lock)
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #5
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cosmicjourney View Post
    How does one know if he/she is considered to be a close friend of an INTP? How does one know if he/she is in the INTP's inner circle? What do INTPs do/say for/to their close friends that they wouldn't do/say for acquaintances?
    You would definitely know if you were in the inner circle because you would be getting a lot of our time. We tend to have small inner circles, so if you are one of the people that we are hanging out with or spending time with, then you are in the inner circle - or at least you are "getting there". A lot of acquaintances just get the "surface stuff", whereas, the inner circle friends have access to a lot more personal information. My inner circle friendships run pretty deep in that we are able to talk about pretty much anything. I don't hold anything back from them, I don't really have any "secrets" with them or things that I'm not willing to discuss. I find that I'm able to discuss different things with different inner circle friends too. With my ENTJ friend, I'm able to talk about the deep things of life in a logical, straightforward way without fear of anyone having their feelings hurt. We just say what's on our minds, we ask tough questions of each other, and we give honest answers. It just works. But, there are certain things we just don't talk about - like "feelings" and such.

    With an ENFP friend of mine, I get the opposite things from her. We talk about people, spirituality, I'm open to hearing how she feels, etc. It's different, but it also works. With an ISTJ friend of mine, I'm also close with him to the point to where we have a lot of trust built up. If he asks a very personal question, I don't question why he's asking - I already trust him and so I'm able to be honest with him because I know he's got my back. And same with him - he can tell me anything and he knows that what he tells me is held in strict confidence.

    For me, these things take time. I try to be an open person with everyone I come into contact with, but there are a lot of layers - like an onion - to many introverts. For someone to have access to all of those layers takes time. Many months. It's possible to have deep discussions with someone early on in a friendship, but there will still be more layers for the other person to discover. If I meet someone new, I'll have an open discussion with them (that's probably just an "sx" thing) - an open discussion for an "sx" can probably sometimes seem really intense for a lot of people. If a friendship builds, then you can gradually show more layers - if it doesn't, then you just keep it more of a "surface friendship" - more "outer circle". Only the friendships that have continued to grow and be mutually beneficial for many months - only those become "inner circle" for me.

    What traits do INTPs look for close friends?
    Trustworthy, loyal, independent, fun to be around, interesting to talk to, someone who I can be myself around, someone who understands an introvert's need for space. Ne humor is a big bonus.

    Which traits can INTPs NOT STAND in people?
    Overbearing, need to have my attention all the time, clingy, flaky (always late and wasting my time by making me wait), uber-sensitive to the point that I can't even speak my mind - I have to walk on eggshells.

    What are the traits specifically in ENFPs that INTPs admire/relate/ are attracted to?
    ENFP's love to laugh, they are usually very funny and fun to be with, I love that I can toss ideas/concepts around with them for hours, I feel really comfortable and "at home" with them (sort of a kindred spirit, Ne thing), we both have an eccentric/quirky streak, they are usually very warm and accepting people.

    What are the traits specifically in ENFPs that INTPs are annoyed by or dislike?
    With the few that I've known, flakiness has been a real issue. Can never, ever be on time. I met with one several weeks ago and she knows that I get mad when she keeps me waiting (which happens all the time) and so she said, "Let's meet at 7pm." I said, "You sure? I thought you wanted to meet at 6pm?" She said, "Yeah, I'm telling you to be there at 7pm, but I'm going to plan on being there at 6pm and that gives me a 1-hour buffer so that I can be an hour late and still be on time." I said, "OK great, whatever. See you at 7pm!" She showed up at 7:45 - kept me waiting for 45 minutes - from a "Ti" perspecitve - it's just unacceptable. Just doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever.

    The whole "center of attention" thing. I'm INTP. I can't be with you 24/7 and be all bubbly and "OMG let's go hang out 4 nights in a row 'til 2am". Ummm, no. I love their company and all, but I handle people in small doses. This seems to cause a big rift. They hear me when I tell them that, but it's like they don't really "hear me". And I don't necessarily blame them for this, I think it's just a difference in extroversion and introversion. They like lots of time with their friends; I require much less. In order for the friendship to work, there has to be mutual understanding of this issue and a willingness for both parties to compromise - which could be asking a lot.

    Another thing that has really left me dumbfounded is when I became very close "inner circle" with 2 ENFP's - those 2 individuals ended up wanting more out of the relationship and when I didn't feel the same way about them, they no longer wanted to be friends. To me, that basically shows that they weren't interested in being my friend or getting to know me for who I am - they basically just wanted a man. I understand that this happens in human relations (I've certainly been on the other side of it myself), but when the feelings were unrequited, the ENFP's kind of jumped ship and held a grudge against me when all I had been doing was enjoying their friendship and being honest about that - there was no physical contact in either case.

    All in all, I really really (!!!) enjoy the company of ENFP's. Being friends with an INTP probably requires a good amount of patience.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  6. #6
    XES 5231311252's Avatar
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    People I'd consider friends are those I admire or those who improve my quality of life. They must also be independent, as I cannot stand clingy people or people who need constant contact. If I can go off for a few months or even a year and call/message you randomly and we still have that connection, you'll really be considered a friend.
    “'Fuck', I think. What a beautiful word. If I could say only one thing for the rest of my life, that would be it.”

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    Thanks, INTPness, 5231311252 and Jennifer! I really appreciate your insight!

    I've been thinking about my relations with a particular INTP friend of mine. When I met him, he was 25, and I had just turned 16. For some reason, we clicked, despite a large age difference.

    Do you think that it's odd that became good friends despite obviously being at radically different stages in our lives, and being at different maturity levels? Would you befriend an significantly younger ENFP of the opposite sex with ages such as these? What does this say about the INTP and the ENFP in this situation? Does it matter; is this far too much speculation with the little information I've presented?

    At the end of the day, my friendship with my INTP will not be swayed by what users post on here. Still, I find your perspectives interesting and insightful, and if it helps me to reflect on my friendship, then I am extra appreciative.

    Also, to any other INTPs, please feel free to still answer questions from my first post; I value everyone's contributions!

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    Quote Originally Posted by 5231311252 View Post
    People I'd consider friends are those I admire or those who improve my quality of life.
    What are admirable traits in a friend? Can you provide us with examples of "improving your quality of life"?

  9. #9
    Insert Snarky Quip Here Stigmata's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cosmicjourney View Post
    What traits do INTPs look for close friends?
    A witty sense of humor, easygoing, intelligence, imaginative/creative/interesting. Similar tastes and interests are an added bonus, but not a requirement.
    Quote Originally Posted by cosmicjourney View Post
    Which traits can INTPs NOT STAND in people?
    Pretty much imagine the opposite of everything I listed above: Rigidness, overbearing, loud, ignorance, but without the willingness to be educated or accept other perspectives.

    Quote Originally Posted by cosmicjourney View Post
    What are the traits specifically in ENFPs that INTPs admire/relate/ are attracted to?
    What are the traits specifically in ENFPs that INTPs are annoyed by or dislike?
    Sorry, I don't know any ENFPs personally to provide any sort of answer not derived from the archetypal ENFP profile.

  10. #10
    Senior Member MiasmaResonance's Avatar
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    Honestly, those that I know in real life who I consider to be my "close friend" probably don't even know I think that. I'm very distant from even the people I really do like. I think they know that I dislike most people though, so if they understand that they should be able to tell that I like them. Then again, I treat most people (even the ones I dislike) with a nice facade unless I am backed into a defensive position for whatever reason. No need to create outer conflict when I am perfectly content with it remaining inward. I am much more open with those I consider myself close to. I would never let anyone "in" that I disliked.

    So, I can get along with most types, but that doesn't mean I like most types or want to associate with them. I honestly don't care what you are, as long as you're not an idiot and we share common interests. I can't stand stupidity and people with what I consider to be "bad taste".

    I don't really admire any of the traits. I can mimic them well enough for my own benefit and the benefit of others, when I need to (socially).

    I am annoyed by the teenage ENFPs I know. Many of the girls I go to school with are that type and they are complete airheads who never stop talking about other people or something else equally as dim. Not saying they are all like that (I know a few ENFPs who I like..and anyway, the ones I am talking about are very immature..maybe that will change with age..), but I notice it is a common trend.
    "A spill at the plant increased the phosphates in the lake and produced a scum of algae so thick that the swamp smell filled the air, infiltrating the genteel mansions. Debutantes cried over the misfortune of coming out in a season everyone would remember for its bad smell."

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