[NT] Why is it so hard for Me to stop focusing on Myself?

[Jonny]

I relate to you on some levels. I really appreciate meaningful dialogue and rather enjoy conversing with others (when I'm in my extroverting phase), but I have some insecurities about whether or not they feel the same way. As a result I will usually refrain from initiating conversations and when I am in one I tend to start questioning whether others even want to be talking with me, and go so far as to ask if I'm boring them. I know I'm a bit different and abrasive at times; but darnit, my baby Fe tries so damn hard!

That said, I might suggest reading some books on first impressions, active listening, etc. If your objective is to be liked and admired by others, then take active steps to achieve that objective. Don't be stupid about it; learn, learn, and learn some more. Be strategic. Others have suggested that you work on changing your goals in life and let the opinions of others fall where they may (this would probably be a very healthy option), but it might be that you are incapable of doing this. Work with what you have.

 

[shoshana]

I've been told by a few that I'm obsessed with Myself, and I can't say that I disagree, and I'm not sure if it's a bad thing to be self-obsessed, but it does seem to affect My relationships with others.

I don't understand why I can't stop focusing on Myself or why I can't pay attention to content that isn't about Me or can't somehow be directed to Me. I will admit, it does get tiresome, but I can't really help it. And I also can't understand why I'm unappreciated and uninteresting to others and moreover, how self-absorption relates to it.

So I ask: Why?

I haven't really read too much into what other people are commenting but i have a few thoughts.

"I'll give you some advice.... I know troubleshooting yourself in the foot and acting as the center of your own universe is a tricky dichotomy to deal with... but, yes. you are the center of the universe." please listen to this poem... it is well worth your while.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIr4pL9P0SA&feature=related


it is very important to have a strong sense of self. but you should examine your social interactions and try to consider the thoughts and feelings of others if your behavior is having an effect on your personal relationships. ... and yes if people are bothering to tell you that you're self-absorbed it is because it IS affecting how they interact with you. if you want someone to value you, they generally want to believe that you also value them and are interested in their thoughts, opinions, etc.

you must realize that your personal problems-- no matter what magnitude you perceive them to be... are still insignificant.

maybe you need a moment of humbling lucidity to realize that there are so many more significant issues that would put your energy to better use. there are over 7 billion other people in your universe and perhaps it might interest you to see yourself as being apart of many different social groups that you identify yourself with in order to take focus off yourself as an individual and put focus on yourself as a human being or as a brother, friend, mentor etc.

 

[The Ü™]

Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not really interested in joining social groups, I'm more interested in having fans. But I'm out of ideas on how to get them.

Usually, when I go out with other people to do stuff, I feel trapped. I'd rather do things on My own. But I still want admiration.

I open My mind to suggestions to improve My physical appearance, because I think that may be the problem (nothing's wrong with My personality), but people just see more and more flaws. I don't understand why this is. Or maybe they're just trying to piss Me off further, in which case, maybe it is, if I may reiterate, their fault that I'm focusing on Myself all the time.

 

[Jonny]

This is getting asinine.

 

[skylights]

Well, since you're apparently the expert on humor, perhaps you should explain. I might actually learn something from you. My signature is actually very clever and witty. In fact, I even chuckle every time I read it. And the best part is that it's original and I am the one who conceived it. I don't really understand why people don't quote themselves more often. When they quote others, it indicates a lack of personal creativity.

i'm really sleepy and was scanning this post and somehow slipped from "perhaps" straight into "chuckle" and my brain ended up with "perfuckle".

perfuckle?

uber either you are one winner of a troll or you need to speak with a professional. either way the responses here aren't seeming of much good.

 

[The Ü™]

Why would I need a professional? I'm just looking for the truth.

 

[InTheFlesh]

This is getting asinine.

Was it ever anything else?

This thread is a joke.

 

[skylights]

Why would I need a professional? I'm just looking for the truth.

have you gotten what you were looking for out of this thread? if so, then you don't need one.

the truth is that i don't think anyone can tell if you're joking or not.

if you're genuine, that's probably part of the problem. you're disconnected from others to the extent that you can't communicate.

essentially you are faced with a choice:

- forsake the attention of others
- attract negative attention from others
- consent to attend to others and consequently receive positive attention from others

what do you want fans for, exactly? why do you want admiration?

 

[Sanctus Iacobus]

who or what do you love the most?

 

[Edgar]

I feel very secure with Myself, believe it or not. I'm relatively happy with Myself, but what makes Me angry is other people who don't give Me attention.

You can't be Me.

Deal with it.

 

[onemoretime]

Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not really interested in joining social groups, I'm more interested in having fans. But I'm out of ideas on how to get them.

People become fans of others when they identify with and vicariously experience another's life, their joys, and their sorrows. From your own admission, you have taken no effort to provide others with anything to identify with. Are you surprised, then, that you cannot find what you seek?

Usually, when I go out with other people to do stuff, I feel trapped. I'd rather do things on My own. But I still want admiration.

When you show your disdain for the activities of others, how do you expect them to identify with you? People may indeed admire you, but have no respect for you.

I open My mind to suggestions to improve My physical appearance, because I think that may be the problem (nothing's wrong with My personality), but people just see more and more flaws. I don't understand why this is. Or maybe they're just trying to piss Me off further, in which case, maybe it is, if I may reiterate, their fault that I'm focusing on Myself all the time.

There is no such thing as a physically flawless person. Attractiveness is an entirely arbitrary standard. Deal with it.

How is it their fault that you focus inward? Do you have no control over yourself? Why do you expect them to listen to you when you do not listen to them?

 

[rav3n]

This thread is really...awkward.

 

[mmhmm]

I open My mind to suggestions to improve My physical appearance, because I think that may be the problem (nothing's wrong with My personality), but people just see more and more flaws. I don't understand why this is. Or maybe they're just trying to piss Me off further, in which case, maybe it is, if I may reiterate, their fault that I'm focusing on Myself all the time.

when i read fantastic threads like this,
(however current fave is 'baby don't get fat' thread)
i always think of which advertisers would best
endorse the particular threads. this one i pick

 

[RDF]

People who admire only themselves are like stagnant ponds. Or to put it another way, they’re like the Amish, forever stuck in the 17th century. With no influx of new ideas and influences, they get stuck at a certain age and a certain phase. Compared to their peers, those individuals seem puerile and infantile.

If you want to be admired, you have to stay fresh and current. To do that, you have to be open to new influences and thoughts, learning from others and constantly synthesizing and combining what’s already part of you together with the new influences and ideas incoming from around you.

If you’re not doing that, then you’re just another man-child: a 15-year old in an adult’s body playing around with the same goth/Nazi themes you’ve been flogging for a decade or so and wondering why people don’t get you.

That’s kind of the way I see you. You’ve got a slight talent for self-promotion that’s fun to observe, but there’s nothing new to promote. You ran out of fresh material a long time ago.

I'm not trying to be insulting, BTW; I'm just answering the question as I see it.

 

[SilkRoad]

I think he just likes the attention and is playing a part to get as much of that as possible. The part he's playing may be partly based in reality. And of course, by commenting on this thread we're all kind of going along with it.

 

[Little_Sticks]

Do you think you might be a psychopath or close enough to it? Maybe there's nothing you can do, but improve your manipulation skills. Or is that what you were asking for from the start? Fake it till you make it.

 

[The Ü™]

I'm a psychopath now? I'd love to hear your reasoning behind that. What on this thread suggests psychopath?

 

[Totenkindly]

And the best part is that it's original and I am the one who conceived it.

I knew there was a reason I updated the smilies!

This thread is really...awkward.

I bet it's enough to make even a contortionist wince.

@OP: If your goal is to "make fans," I'm going to suggest this thread is extremely counter-productive.

 

[Totenkindly]

NOTE: Thread moved to NT Personal Threads.

 

[The Ü™]

I even googled My quote, and you know what the first thing that popped up was? Tada!!! You're damn right that quote was original. Maybe I will be in the history books of the future! So I don't know why you're all getting bored over it! That alone entitles Me to more attention and fans.