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[MBTI General] I'm Not Good at Being a "Girl"

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
I am actually good at being a girl even though I am a bloke.

Yet strangely enough you seem excessively fond of accusing females of mimicking arousal, being attracted to finances, and other things that seem like horror rather than identifcation.

No offense, but your issues don't seem very womanly to me.

I have a male-to-female transgender friend and s/he would be offended by the things you say about women, I'm pretty sure.

S/He still can't get over the fact that I can listen to Ted Nugent with a straight face.
 

Kasper

Diabolical
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May 30, 2008
Messages
11,590
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ENTP
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9w8
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so/sx
I failed at it so hard!
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
A lot of people tell me that my personality is way too masculine, and it offends me only because the traits they're talking about are inherently human. Why is rationality, logic, or being stoic masculine? As a woman, I'm expected to be whiny, emotionally-driven, unfunny, and illogical. I'm sorry I can't live up to those very dignifying and natural expectations.

I am a freak of nature.

My husband calls me a hybrid. Obviously he likes that or he wouldn't be here but it's hard to be us. I feel like I have to squash so much in daily life, at times it feels like I'm suffocating.
 

Edgar

Nerd King Usurper
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
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sx
Thank you. :)

I'm not saying that being beautiful is a bad thing for anyone, I just don't understand why when I try to be a conventional girl it doesn't work out, it convinces others but I feel like I'm less me when I'm dressed up. You know? I only really do my hair/makeup for work.

What's this lamenting about not being able to be conventional? What's so awesome about being conventional?

Here's an idea: find yourself some other unconventional people to hang out with - and revel in each other's unconventionality.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
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6w7
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so/sx
MOTORCYCLE EMOT.

i have an opposite, also awkward problem. i am good at being a girl. i love makeup, i'm flirty, and i like to dress up.

the thing is, people freak out when i show up in shorts and a ponytail with no makeup, climb trees, haul heavy furniture, drive my stick shirt, set off fireworks, etc. i also am the go-to pickle-jar opener.

i dislike gender expectations in general.

i'm in for the rebellion.

:harley:
 

Zoom

Self sustaining supernova
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
1,045
Enneagram
9w8
My husband calls me a hybrid. Obviously he likes that or he wouldn't be here but it's hard to be us. I feel like I have to squash so much in daily life, at times it feels like I'm suffocating.

I have to admit... I recognize this, and remember what it's like, but at the same time am curious - I know ye and your husband are a pretty awesome pair, from what I've gathered; why or what exactly do ye have to squash so much in daily life, if I may ask?
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
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I have to admit... I recognize this, and remember what it's like, but at the same time am curious - I know ye and your husband are a pretty awesome pair, from what I've gathered; why or what exactly do ye have to squash so much in daily life, if I may ask?

Oh it's nothing with him, more like expected behaviors in every day life. The normal female reactions to things, interests, that sort of thing. Not that I don't have normal female interests, I do.

I'll use a neighbor of mine as an example. My youngest son and her son hang out quite a bit. I should add my son is 16 and hers is 15. She is quite high strung and emotional. Because I'm not so much, she takes this as me not caring what the boys do. That's untrue and just because I don't flake out when they don't check in every hour on the hour, the way she wants, this is also a sign of lax parenting on my part. I'm convinced if I had more of an emotional outburst, people would not assume I didn't care. Since I don't, I get that WTF look often.

I like sports, I don't like reality shows. I like to shop but it's not an Olympic event. I appreciate and respect my husband, not roll my eyes in public at what he says and does. Sometimes I feel so alien around other women..I just don't want to be around them at all. I have no desire to conform but I don't want to go out of my way to make life difficult for myself either.
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
Joined
Mar 4, 2009
Messages
3,900
MBTI Type
INFP
Gender stereotypes become less compelling and less meaningful as you get older.
 

kissmyasthma

New member
Joined
Jul 29, 2010
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98
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I???
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huh
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sp/so
I sometimes have a hard time being "girly" as well. I only dress up and wear makeup if I'm performing or going out (which I rarely do). My mom insists that I should wear makeup every day, do my hair, wear dresses that "show off my figure," etc., but I just don't want to be bothered with that stuff all the time.

And I've always been wretched at flirting, but that probably has more to do with disinterest than anything else.
 

kyuuei

Emperor/Dictator
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
13,964
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enfp
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8
Im not particularly feminine either. I'd say my only qualm with that is... When girls are doing "Girls Night Out" kind of things, no one ever thinks to invite me, because I'm not girly (Rightfully so, I probably wouldn't enjoy it.) When guys do, "Guys night out" kind of things... Be it a Strip club or a LAN party... They rarely think to invite me, because despite my more masculine personality - I am still a chick. It just sort of sticks you in the social limbo where you really only get invited to situations that are perceived as gender-neutral like bar or movies.

Other than that... I have no issues with my "less than feminine" personality.

:c I find this happens to me more often than not..
Also, I dislike that a first impression does SO much to me. If someone happens to meet me on a day I am dressed up, they tend to think of me as feminine until the day I die, no matter what. I get boxed into a lot of things that are just not true, only because they have that impression.
When I meet people in my normal attire, or doing something out of the feminine box, I tend to either get overlooked as a female until it comes to things like guys night out, OR people get almost offended and actively try to look for every feminine detail about me. @_@ Putting so much social pressure on something that isn't a big deal to me at all just makes my head spin.

I believe that men have feminine qualities about them, and they wouldn't be able to interact with women if they didn't. Girls don't flirt with bugs. I believe females have masculine traits, and we need them in order to understand men. Guys don't marry bugs either. Many religions teach that the union of a man and a woman is that they become 'one'. I think we're like that simple ying-yang, but everyone just keeps overlooking the circles for some reason.
 

redcheerio

New member
Joined
Jun 8, 2011
Messages
912
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
E9
i dislike gender expectations in general.

i'm in for the rebellion.

:harley:

Ditto here! :solidarity:

Gender stereotypes become less compelling and less meaningful as you get older.

+1

It still causes social awkwardness in some situations, but I find I care less and less about it as I get older. It also helps that I'm learning to be more aware of when people are looking for emotional validation so I can resist the urge to contradict them with logic in situations where it might cause problems to do so.

I think it also helps that my hub is INTJ and likes me the way I am (a mix of steretypical female and male traits, plus some neutral ones), and that I work in a male-dominated field where it's more normal for women like me to exist, so I'm not so alone in my female T-ness.
 

Sparrow

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May 28, 2010
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so/sx
When I burp...I just say excuse me for being human ;), or excuse me for being natural, lol! I can sometimes be outspoken too, which makes some people feel weirded out, some respect me for it though. I was thinking about this the other day....should I be more submissive? My boyfriend says that sometimes he feels punked...and that I should listen to him or at least act like it in public (to stroke his ego and make him feel more manly I guess). I just want to be me geesh! Other then that I still wear makeup and a get my hair did :).
 

Sparrow

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P.S. Hera, you are naturally beautiful! You look "girly" to me! <3
 

JAVO

.
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
9,178
MBTI Type
eNTP
Fitting into the stereotype isn't necessary at all, especially since you'd probably be happiest with a SO who thinks the stereotype is superficial and irrelevant. Those who fit into the stereotype are everywhere. Not conforming to it makes you unique in a very good way.
 

Qlip

Post Human Post
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ENFP
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sp/sx
I don't understand why anyone expects anybody to be anything other than what they are. Well, actually I do understand, I just find it regrettable. And I resent those who expect that of people. Just keep being who you are Hera, I couldn't think of any context that you wouldn't be pretty. Maybe pretty intimidating. ;)
 

Hera

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Dec 27, 2010
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What's this lamenting about not being able to be conventional? What's so awesome about being conventional?

Here's an idea: find yourself some other unconventional people to hang out with - and revel in each other's unconventionality.

Even my least conventional friends still have expectations for me. My close friends always ask me why I felt awkward being girly and I explained that it's just unnatural to me. I think that in a way most people have these conventions and expectations so to find people who don't have them is rare and difficult.
 

gromit

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Mar 3, 2010
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6,508
You just gotta find your own style! Find what is comfortable to you, wear it authentically and with grace and it doesn't matter what is expected (obviously within boundaries of propriety for the situation). But seriously grace and confidence are what matter most for anyone I think.
 

gromit

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p.s. curious - why do you have that super groomed/feminine avatar?
 
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