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  1. #81
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Kinda tangentially, but still relevant, I idolized Bette Davis growing up. So I grew up thinking it was just fine to be a strong, intelligent woman who doesn't suffer fools. It took me a long time to realize that that confidence in non-traditional femininity was developed in a vacuum, and dudes don't really aspire to date women like Bette. Which is fine, but it also sucks, because it has always felt like I had to be less of what I truly am to interest a man. I always related to those strong women like Bette and Katharine and Roz Russell, because I felt like they were who they were on their own terms. They weren't ever the girlfriend of the real star--they were the headliner, with a strong-and-equal sparring partner who adored them by their sides. I honestly don't think I'll ever quite get over that fantasy. I love and hate Hollywood for that.
    Something Witty

  2. #82
    Senior Member Idealatious's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    I've often considered that if I'd had a choice to be male or female, I would have totally been a man so I wouldn't have to care about the many superficial things women are expected to care about and invest in. What a curse! I so wish I could just get a buzz cut and not be complexed about it or worry what people would think.
    I'm not sure what I would be if I had a choice - but I do otherwise agree! I'm not good at being a woman, but I don't think I'd be good at being a man either! I don't much care what I look, have a short haircut because it's easy to care for, and am generally independent. But for being a typical man, I think I cry too much over things in the news, squee over cute things a lot, and am generally not very assertive or athletic! ...I'd rather society change rather than myself, but how likely is that?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Kinda tangentially, but still relevant, I idolized Bette Davis growing up. So I grew up thinking it was just fine to be a strong, intelligent woman who doesn't suffer fools. It took me a long time to realize that that confidence in non-traditional femininity was developed in a vacuum, and dudes don't really aspire to date women like Bette. Which is fine, but it also sucks, because it has always felt like I had to be less of what I truly am to interest a man. I always related to those strong women like Bette and Katharine and Roz Russell, because I felt like they were who they were on their own terms. They weren't ever the girlfriend of the real star--they were the headliner, with a strong-and-equal sparring partner who adored them by their sides. I honestly don't think I'll ever quite get over that fantasy. I love and hate Hollywood for that.
    ...Wait, women who aren't just love interests? I need to watch better movies.

  3. #83
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    Me too! My mother always accuses me of having bad hairdo, can't seem to get make-ups right, etc etc that relates to appearance.
    And then relate it to some random event when I complained to a cashier in a facial parlor. Or relate it to why I am an arrogant bastard that doesn't have a boyfriend (I do, but she just won't recognize him. Le sigh)
    God, why must I have a mother like that OTL

  4. #84
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Dont worry. Most men dont like good girls
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  5. #85
    Junior Member Stumblebum's Avatar
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    Ah, yes, a kindred spirit.

    I'm also quite bad at doing things that are "girly." I'm sans the ability to put on make-up and I'm well known for having unmanageably frizzy hair. Actually, the other day my friend overheard a couple of girls in our grade discussing the many ways I resemble a crack-addict, what with my hair, pallid complexion, and apparently "hollow" face. ;P NT women are better matched with things that are important, like identifying all the reasons such societal conventions are detestably plebeian.

    All the same, I'm not really masculine. I'm bored to pieces by things like cars, sports, fighting, and gore.

  6. #86
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stumblebum View Post
    like identifying all the reasons such societal conventions are detestably plebeian.
    I believe the aristocrats may have been even more strict in adherence to 'societal conventions'; but I agree such things are annoying.

  7. #87
    Junior Member Stumblebum's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ehcriktic View Post
    I believe the aristocrats may have been even more strict in adherence to 'societal conventions'; but I agree such things are annoying.
    It's a self-directed arrogance joke.

  8. #88
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    In discovering my inner woman I grew my hair down to my waist, and my girlfriend and I would wash our hair in the bathtub together. I wore a sarong, and learnt relaxing massage. And I attended an encounter group to learn to communicate. And I attended the Aquarius festival to become a hippy. And then a clown workshop to become a happy hippy.

    How lucky I was not to go to war and instead discover my inner woman.

  9. #89
    Member Elaine's Avatar
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    Well, my family try their hardest to turn me into a girl, yet I rebel. I might look girly on the outside( they dress me up like a girl), but I have a heart of a tomboy. I' m a feminist, I believe it' s up to a woman to choose whether she will be a housewife or dedicate herself to career. I am myself a rationalist, thinking - over - feeing person, prefer keeping my feelings inside, my mind always rules my actions( though feelings can influence them as well, after all, I' m not amoral or ideal - free, I can also act out of pride or the morality pattern I believe in) , and I hate that society expects me to be emotional, illogical and weak. My ESFJ grandma always blames me on beeing too masculine, but I just ignore her. I hate putting on make up except the one to hide facial flaws( somehow I must fight these annoying zits) , I also dislike high heels( just plain uncomfortable and impractical) , or revealing dresses( I don' t want to look sexualized in the eyes of others) . Others also dislike that I do push ups and have broad shoulders. When I show signs of tomboyishness, my family members ask me if I am a lesbian. Goddamn it, how many times do I need to tell them that a tomboy does not auto equal a lesbian? My orientation is all right, I am a tomboy AND a heterosexual, the thing that I have a soft spot on feely, idealistic guys( maybe to equalize my rationalism) is a totally different thing!
    I am what and who I want to be, not what and who society expects me to. I am intelligent, and I' m not afraid to show it, even though most girls consider me a bore. I like science and computers instead of fashion and dating. My primary goal in life is self perfection and career achievement instead of relationship and family. Being single is okay to me. I don' t like all the girly stuff, and I never will. I am not a herd animal, I never was, and I prefer solitude where I can have freedom of thought, instead of company where I always have to be someone who is not myself. I am what and who I am. People and society might try to change me, but it will never work. I know it' s difficult to live with such a rebellious outlook, but why do I have to refuse something just because it' s difficult?
    You know, sometimes I gaze in the far future, when I am an old woman, and shortly before my death I recall all my life( I hope my mind will be clear enough by that time) . If I chose the easy way, I would recall that I lived my entire life as a pretender, putting on the masks others enforced on me, but which I hated myself, lived not my own life, but the life of another preson, exchanged my true self just for complete calmness and quiet life, wasted all these years God has given me, not releasing my true potential. In my case, I am religious, so I believe I might have another life, but there is still doubt, since no one knows what is after death. And if there is no reincarnation, I wasted the great gift called life, full of possibilities and surprises. But I don' t choose that, I choose different. When I die, I want to recall living my own life as I wanted, being myself, not shaping myself into that the others told me to. Yes, I might' ve had difficulties, it wasn' t easy, but I deliberately chose it. My true self remained untoched, and I preserved it the whole life. My life wasn' t the quiet one, but I didn' t want a quiet life, I wanted to release my potential and have a freedom of choice. And I did it. I never gave up, I always fought, standing up for my ideas. I might ' ve been a white raven, but I had no problem with it. I was myself, and it requires a great deal of courage to be yourself. I made my won decicions, I lived my own life. I may not have children, but my legacy will live on in my deeds, even though not all might notice that. And then I will not be ashamed for the life I lived. So be yourself, live as you want, so that when you' re old, you won' t regret the choices you made in your life.
    I guess I got too philosophical... But anyway, be yourself. Live the way you want. Don' t listen to the society and what it enforces on you. Because there may not be another life to live.

  10. #90
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    @Elaine I think it's awesome that you have such a strong sense of self and what you value.

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