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Thread: I'm Not Good at Being a "Girl"

  1. #71
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Array Mole's Avatar
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    Mar 2008

    Smile Tarry

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Herring View Post
    Maybe I didn't phrase that correctly. The priviledge was growing up without many of the restrictions others had to endure and being raised by a strong independent woman who in many respects served and still serves as a role model. I never forgave her the mocking though and do know that - while she loves all of her kids dearly - she often has a hard time expressing that - or rather, her way of doing it is too rough and tumble for my taste. (It is probably the result of growing up as the youngest subling and constantly having to stand up against her older brothers). I only adressed this as an adult and she is now making a serious effort to find a common language. My world will never be hers but we have a fairly good relationship.

    As for translation, I very much speak in my own voice. And an interpreter does not speak in the voices of others - that is a very common misconception about this profession.

    Anyway, back on topic:
    The key is probably having a choice. You should be able to go either way and switch as often as you want. There is no need to settle for one or the other. I don't know how old you are or where you live, but chaces are you'll meet more likeminded people as you move forward, maybe into a bigger city, mix with folks from different faculties, collect experiences and expand your horizon. God knows I was relieved when I discovered that there was a world beyond my little home town, cozy as it was!
    Yeah ...... I am reaching for something, I think I know what it is, but can I expess it?

    Yes ....... I am reaching for the expression on your mother's face, and deeper, the expression on your face - it's you expressed.

    As I have said before, you have a delightful intelligence and I read you like water, at the same time I want to say, stop, stop a minute, pause - after the waterfall, flow into the still pond below, before you continue your headlong rush down the mountainside. Tarry with, "Will o' the Mill", awhile, let time stop, and let us watch your mother's face.

    For, "Will o' the Mill", by Robert Louis Stevenson click on -'_the_Mill

  2. #72
    Junior Nasty Woman Array Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Jun 2009
    872 sx/sp


    Quote Originally Posted by Hera View Post
    I am biologically female, but I am hella awkward at being what people think that means.

    I try to curl my hair and it comes out a mess, I try to apply my makeup but it looks caked-on and obvious, I try to giggle and I sound like I'm sneezing or horking, I try to apply self-tanner and I look like a patchy crocodile... I'm just not good at being conventionally pretty, a conventional girl. I don't know why I try, I think it has a lot to do with getting people to leave me alone about why I am who I am. It got tiring to explain why I think it's much more important to be complimented on my intellect and not my "pretty face" and expecting to be treated like an intellectual equal to others instead of being patronized.

    I say we riot, ladies. Who's with me?

    (Or I can stop caring and put up with the flack. Whatever, rioting is much more interesting.)
    I have read your thread and I have a couple of thoughts/reactions I would like to share with you.

    1)Anyone who takes that traditional, girly-girl bullshit seriously--either normatively or practically--is an idiot. I don't generally take my cues from idiots in other areas of my life, why should this one be any different?

    2) I think its important to consider things in terms of the objective that they serve. It's silly to do "girly" things or act in girlish ways if your goal isn't what those who excel at those things generally aspire to, or worse because you're worried that its expected behavior. Be a woman and define your femininity in a way that propels you towards who you want to be ultimately, and the girl shit you didnt get before might come easier because you can see the logic of it.

    Example. You say that you idolize women like Bette Davis and Judy Garland. I love Bette Davis. She was elegant, intelligent, was never afraid to speak her mind, and was famous for her commanding presence. But more than that, she was the first female president of the Academy, she took on the studio system when that shit was unheard of, and is generally regarded as a master of her craft. Taking Bette Davis as a model for becoming helps to prioritize the type of "womanly" activities and behaviors you engage in. If you want to be elegant, for instance, you have to care about your appearance. If that means going to a Mac store in the mall and taking a class on how to put on make-up so you aren't caking it on, then do that. If that means picking up a copy of Vogue so you can learn how to dress well, then do that. But whatever the case is suddenly these girly behaviors that were ritualized bullshit before now actually have a purpose and meaning. Hell, you might even discover that its fun.

    3) As both a woman and a rational intuitive, you are a part of a group that is less than 10% of the population (if that). You're different. You will always be different. It's just who we are. In my mind at least, there's no need to bother with riots when your life's the real revolution.

  3. #73
    Senior Member Array Pinker85's Avatar
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    Jun 2011


    Personally, I'm very athletic, independent, and outdoorsy. I played tons of sports as a kid while also being into astronomy and other nerdy pursuits. I train for triathlons while going to university so when I'm not in class or working (that was until I quit three days ago :P) I train twice a day which means I don't have time or energy or inclination to put effort into my looks - my physical appearance isn't really something I think about. I don't abhor fashion or manicures or anything like that actually - it just isn't important enough for me to invest time in. I say do the stuff that is fun for you to do. If you resent curling your hair don't curl your hair. If you resent being "girly" don't do it.

  4. #74
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Array Mole's Avatar
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    Mar 2008

    Unhappy The Bubbly Girl and the Strong, Silent Type

    I am rather good at being a girl as I am naturally bubbly. But alas, I am a bloke and they want me to be the strong, silent type.

  5. #75


    If you want to be good at being a girl all you have to do is think of your vagina as special. I swear it works.

  6. #76
    Aspiring Troens Ridder Array KLessard's Avatar
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    Apr 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by Hera View Post
    I feel like I'm less me when I'm dressed up. You know? I only really do my hair/makeup for work.
    I second that. And I'm lucky I work in a garden center, so looking chic while you are repotting a plant or carrying a bag of compost is not required, thank God. But I'm often afraid to put myself up too nice and look like something I'm not. Generally, church is the only place I go to kind of dressed up since I'm a church musician and it is required of us to look decent and all.
    I've often considered that if I'd had a choice to be male or female, I would have totally been a man so I wouldn't have to care about the many superficial things women are expected to care about and invest in. What a curse! I so wish I could just get a buzz cut and not be complexed about it or worry what people would think.

  7. #77
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Array Mole's Avatar
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    Mar 2008
    Probably the most important thing is to take things personally.

  8. #78
    meinmeinmein! Array mmhmm's Avatar
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    Jul 2010


    today i told jock that my shampoo has
    positive charged ions (i think) and the
    lotion stuff i put on my face has silicone
    and my lip buffing cream has acid that
    pulls off the dry skin on my lip.
    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  9. #79
    Nerd King Usurper Array Edgar's Avatar
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    Oct 2008


    I'm tired of people complimenting me on my intellect, or my sense of humor, or my lack of emotions, etc. I wish people would just compliment me on my pretty face instead. I mean, its OK - its not like I will try to rape you if you do.

  10. #80


    oops, sorry @Hera. I read the thread title as you weren't being a good girl.

    Last edited by JAVO; 10-11-2011 at 03:12 PM. Reason: oops

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