Hello dear NTs.
First of all, sorry for my English, I'm not a fluent speaker, so I hope you don't mind my grammatical or other mistakes.
This is my first post here and I would be very grateful if you're willing to read this. I just need.....some kind of advice.
I've known this ENTP guy for almost 2 years by now. While he was dating, we never went out but in the beginning of this month he broke up with his girlfriend (actually, girlfriend broke up with him) and we started to hang out. I think he needed some kind of comfort or company and I felt an urge to be there for him (as an xNFP I also have a super high Fe).
I really enjoyed his company. We could go for walks and talk about everything and we could be just silent, without saying nothing at all and still feel comfortable with that.
Soon, after we started to hang out, we decided to be fuckbuddies because we couldn't deny this amazing chemistry between us. After that, we got closer than we expected. One day he told me that I'm like his best friend, which was a huge compliment to me. He also said that there are only a few people in his life that he genuinely likes and I am one of them.
As the days went on and we spent nights together, my feelings began to kick in. I told him that I might have a crush on him and he was pretty indifferent about it.
For a while, we basically didn't see each other for 5 days because I was busy with work. One evening he called me and asked me to come over but I had other plans so I had to refuse. I still went there though because I had to take my camera that I lent to him. I was very detached this evening because I had a super stressing day at work. When I started to go home, he suddenly hugged me and kissed me for a goodbye. I didn't kiss him back though. The same night we talked on MSN and he said:“Usually, if one part is initiating too much things can end.“ and even though I was sure what he was talking about I asked him what could end and he said:“this thing between us.“ At this point, I started to think that he might feel something too, but I wasn't and still am not sure about this. I asked him:“What we are?“ and he asked me back:“What do you want us to be?“ which I quickly turned around and asked him the same question. He said:“Let's stay friends with benefits because feelings would kill it.“ I'm not going to lie, I was hurt because I expected more.
The next day, he called me and I only went there because I was planning to end this thing between us. I felt used and manipulated, at the same time I didn't want to end this thing between us at all. Why? Because being with him is amazing. He's amazing. Sex with him is amazing. But.... I have hard times understanding him and I didn't want my feelings to develop further because he already confused me with his acting.
As I went there, I was still pissed inside and rejected all his touches. I told him to stop and he sat next to me. At this point, I felt pretty inarticulate until he asked me „What's wrong?“ and I told him how he confuses me. „I don't understand you, at all. I'm a people person and reading people has never been a trouble for me really, until I met you. I just can't understand you and it's so confusing. I love you at one moment and I hate you the next. It hurts.“
What came after this was silence. He fell in a thought and after minutes of silence I decided to ask him what he's thinking. „I'm sad.“ he said and I was more than surprised at this point. What surprised me even more was the tear he shed. He rarely shows his emotions if he does at all, I felt pretty special at this point..... He asked me to guess what he's feeling and I said:"I feel like you want to tell me something" and he said:"You can read people and you're right. I do want to tell you something." After some moments of silence, he said: „Sorry about the way I am but it's has nothing to do with you. It's just.... about my past. The place I grew up taught me to watch my words, to carefully pay attention to my acting.“
As the night went on, I totally forgot the aim why I went there in the first place. Talking with him was so inspirational and interesting that I totally forgot myself. After some time I finally told him:“Perhaps we shouldn't be more than friends.“ which he replied:“Are you sure? If that's your choice, I respect that.“ Seemed like he was fine with my decision. Later, when our talk grew very deep again, we talked about us. Suddenly, he fell in a thought and said:“I would like to be with you, but when I think about it my logic kicks in and it's hard really. I will be gone by the end of this summer and long-distance relationship wouldn't work out. You're really lovely, funny, sincere, beautiful girl, you have amazing taste in music and you're one of the kind person and I really wish you will find someone great someday.“. I would lie if I'd say it didn't touch me at all. At this night, I really became to believe that he's not after sex at all and he might like me for me not for my body. I even asked him after I shed a tear if he wants to fuck (just to be sure about his intentions) and he said he just wants to be with me. We didn't have sex at this night. When he sent me home this night he asked me:“Are you sure you only want to be friends?“ and I totally let go of my previous thoughts.
Since that night, we are and we are not. It's difficult. I'm not finally sure if he likes me or he plays with me, at the same time – I feel bad for thinking about him in that way after all this. It's weird really.
Two days ago we went camping together and we had an amazing night. When we were falling asleep I told him that I like him which he replied:“I hope not too much.“ and after moments of silence, he actually told me he likes me too but I felt he only said that to say something back. I'm never sure about his words because he seems so detached.
Yesterday, in the morning, after we spent a night together, I was starting to go when he called me back and hugged and kissed me. In the evening, he acted very indifferent towards me that I did not want to see him again, but in the morning after receiving his message (saying:“I was very angry at everything and everyone yesterday... I don't know why...and it's not about you.“) I melted again.
It's just hard. Perhaps I'm over-reacting (oh, yes, I am) but I can't go from melting to icing all the time. It hurts. Some days I'm okay being fuckbuddy with him and denying my feelings, but other days.... dude, I really really like him and want to be with him, but it hurts.
I just....I just.....don't know... I don't want to lose him, because he's amazing person really, but it hurts so much at the same time. What should I do? And do you think he really likes me? Or he just...plays with me? How do ENTPs act when they like someone?
Dear ENTPs, please give me some light...