Hello again and I thank every single one of you who replied me on this thread. I've read them all and unfortunately, I didn't have much time to say something back in those past two days but I definitely have something to say right now.
Communication really is the key and fortunately, I'm pretty open. Two days ago we talked on MSN, he had been calling me three times in a row on that day. He asked me out but I was too tired to go. So we talked....about „things“. I told him that I don't want to be fuckbuddies with him anymore because I don't want to fall in love. Well... he basically said that I should continue fucking him and after we are „done“ (when he goes away from my city) I should forget it and there's nothing hard about it, I just should move on.
I quickly logged off from the instant messenger that night and after doing that he messaged me:“What time does your work start? I'll send you.“. I felt manipulated again and I sent him message back telling him to stop manipulating me. He replied:“It's all in your head. I just wanted to see you and change some words.“. He didn't send me to work though, but he did come to my workplace. He wanted to talk to me but I was busy with customers, so he told me to have a beautiful day and we didn't really talk.
After work, he called me. I wasn't planning to go out, but I still went out with him. Afterall – he wanted to talk to me and I wanted to listen to what he has to say. So.. we sat in the local graveyard and talked. Of course he started with „What are your plans for tomorrow? I have a free place and...are you sure you don't want to do it?“ and I was like -.- .... no, no, no. You know why.
For a long time, we didn't talk about much anything really. Just a chit chat about nothing and anything. Suddenly.... he asked me:“You still can't read me?“ and I replied:“No, not all.“, he said:“It's sad.“ and I said:“It is.“. After that he said:“I feel like shedding a tear.“ and silence came after this.
When it came to going home, there was still a silence between us and for a long time we didn't speak much. Ratherly, he was speaking while I was silent. He asked me once again, if I'm sure about my decision and all I could say:“You know I want it, but I can't go on like this. I wish I could deny my feelings because I really enjoy the sex, but.... I just can't.“
„If so, I respect that. It was an amazing experience though. I won't forget it.“ he said.
„You have tons of girlfriends, you would get any girl you want.“ I said.
And he...well.. he said:“I know, but it would be hard for me after meeting you. You're amazing. I have never met someone like you.“
„I truly wish you will find someone amazing one day. As for me.....(I didn't hear what he said, but it didn't sound positive and although I wanted to know what he said I didn't ask it again, because.... as improper as it felt.)
To be honest, when he said „I truly wish you will find someone amazing one day,“ I really felt like crying. I was nearly crying, but I holded myself back.
So...he sent me home.... asking me if I was okay and hugged me so tight and wished me a good night. I really felt it was like a goodbye because he said:“If you ever feel like talking to someone, I'm there for you. Also...when it comes to this other part (sex of course), I'm also there for you.“ and that's how it ended....
I woud lie if say I didn't make me sad. It did. I'm still somewhat sad but I know... I did the right thing....
Again, thank you very much everyone. I really appreciate it.
By the way, reading your post @spleen you reminded me of him in many ways before his change. Actually, he was like you before. „Not of my business and go for a psychologist, I don't care“ and et cetera, but after he lost his friend to suicide, he has changed a lot. Now, he listens to people, gives them advice and wants to help them. And that's how he said to me:“Although people may think I'm a good manipulator, well perhaps I am – but I'm genuinely interested in helping people and listening to them and why? It makes me feel good. Perhaps I'm a manipulator then afterall.“
@redcheerio – what a great insight! Thank you very much.
And thank you, thank you, thank you again! I would like to especially mention redcheerio, Nerd Girl, and mal 12345.