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  1. #21
    A window to the soul
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    Quote Originally Posted by redcheerio View Post
    Haha, thanks. How did it touch a nerve? Have you been in a similar situation in the past?

    I think with dating, there is a lot of confusion, and when people are confused, they feel like the other person is playing games when really the other person is just as confused. It's just that there's so much potential for bliss on the one hand, countered by so much potential for hurt, that it creates a lot of neuroticism and confusion as people can't decide whether to risk everything in hopes of getting to the bliss, or whether to withdraw and protect themselves from getting hurt.
    I dated an INFP. A Mama's boy. I can list all of the things he did wrong, but I know I'm not perfect. I didn't know then, what I know now. After reading this thread I'm quite sure I'm the root cause. I clearly didn't respond appropriately to his emotional cues in the beginning and it snowballed into him distrusting and resenting me for it. The nail in the coffin was when I found out he was going to my NF Mother for advice (behind my back, while he had me in isolation)... so, to top off the isolation, I had no privacy. It was my worst nightmare of a relationship. What I'm calling isolation looks very similar to what I pointed out as games in Bessie's original post.

    lol, it wasn't a relationship.

  2. #22
    Senior Member redcheerio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    I dated an INFP. A Mama's boy. I can list all of the things he did wrong, but I know I'm not perfect. I didn't know then, what I know now. After reading this thread I'm quite sure I'm the root cause. I clearly didn't respond appropriately to his emotional cues in the beginning and it snowballed into him distrusting and resenting me for it. The nail in the coffin was when I found out he was going to my NF Mother for advice (behind my back, while he had me in isolation)... so, to top off the isolation, I had no privacy. It was my worst nightmare of a relationship. What I'm calling isolation looks very similar to what I pointed out as games in Bessie's original post.

    lol, it wasn't a relationship.
    Boo, that sounds hard. Relationships are confusing enough as it is, let alone with type confusion adding to the problem.

    I've never dated an INFP, but I know I've been really attracted to them in the past. Was it like that for you? If so, that must have made it really hard....

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by redcheerio View Post
    I've never dated an INFP, but I know I've been really attracted to them in the past. Was it like that for you? If so, that must have made it really hard....
    Initially, yes, very much.

  4. #24
    Senior Member guesswho's Avatar
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    My opinion:

    -You're over analyzing the issue because you're too involved in a relationship that isn't based on involvement
    -You made the thread hoping for an answer to all of this, an answer that will preferably fix things and uncomplicate this. But there's no easy fix. The MBTI has nothing do to with this.
    -He's a risk because he was with someone else right before you, so his emotional involvement is limited.

    You can't play games with him because you care too much, try talking to him. Communication is the key.

  5. #25
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    my attention span is very bad so i apologize if i misread something; but i'd say he likes you as person but has no feelings for you (at least not as much as you have for him), we can theoretize is it because of his last relationship, or simply that's the limit of your relationship, but it seems there is no future. the sooner you get out the better.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by guesswho View Post
    My opinion:

    -You're over analyzing the issue because you're too involved in a relationship that isn't based on involvement
    -You made the thread hoping for an answer to all of this, an answer that will preferably fix things and uncomplicate this. But there's no easy fix. The MBTI has nothing do to with this.
    -He's a risk because he was with someone else right before you, so his emotional involvement is limited.

    You can't play games with him because you care too much, try talking to him. Communication is the key.
    +1

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    I dated an INFP. *A Mama's boy. *I can list all of the things he did wrong, but I know I'm not perfect. *I didn't know then, what I know now. *After reading this thread I'm quite sure I'm the root cause. *I clearly didn't respond appropriately to his emotional cues in the beginning and it snowballed into him distrusting and resenting me for it. *The nail in the coffin was when I found out he was going to my NF Mother for advice (behind my back, while he had me in isolation)... *so, to top off the isolation, I had no privacy. *It was my worst nightmare of a relationship. *What I'm calling isolation looks very similar to what I pointed out as games in Bessie's original post.

    lol, it wasn't a relationship.
    *
    Wow, that is horrible. Hate when parents are turned into Personal Relationship Therapists.*
    I dont know if you could say that you were the Cause of the problems. You may have started them by not realizing those emotional cues as you say, but thats at the beginning of the relationship when you dont know the person and what their trigger points are, so, you just were acting like yourself, you didnt know how your actions were going to emotionally affect the person, so, you are way more likely to wrongfully gauge the degree of importance your actions were going to emotionally impact him, due to your percpective being rooted in Thinking more than Feeling. (And especially with an infp guy)

    If the infp really wanted to have a good relationship, its in their capacity to forgive, ignore and try to make the best of it. I think they are the emotionally strongest out of all types to remain optimistic about life and stuff like this.

    I think that, America being already saturated in optimism, that infps strength in that regard is underappreciated until they need to pull everyone away from destructive cynicism, and back on track again. I wouldnt have survived a few academic instances without this infp girl smiling at me and saying "youll get through that" when I kept telling her my sky is falling.*

  8. #28
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    Sorry to harp, but infps? Question: do you not think when you say "oh, but, like, we werent talking about you at all" that the entp you say that to doesnt see through that horrible defense in like, 0 seconds. Like, really? Really??

    I ask because my best friend has been saying crap like that to me for all 5 years Ive known her. She says it after she gives me her unsolicited advice on why my untraditionality is "not good" in some way, but she determines all that advice based on her monthly family's evaluative process on the state of my soul. And after hearing nerd girl knowing that her bf was talking to his mom about her, just brought it to the forefront of my mind.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spleen View Post

    I think that, America being already saturated in optimism, that infps strength in that regard is underappreciated until they need to pull everyone away from destructive cynicism, and back on track again. I wouldnt have survived a few academic instances without this infp girl smiling at me and saying "youll get through that" when I kept telling her my sky is falling.*
    America is what? Who is cynical?
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson
    “Culture?” says Paul McCartney. “This isn't culture. It's just a good laugh.”

  10. #30
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by spleen View Post
    Sorry to harp, but infps? Question: do you not think when you say "oh, but, like, we werent talking about you at all" that the entp you say that to doesnt see through that horrible defense in like, 0 seconds. Like, really? Really??

    I ask because my best friend has been saying crap like that to me for all 5 years Ive known her. She says it after she gives me her unsolicited advice on why my untraditionality is "not good" in some way, but she determines all that advice based on her monthly family's evaluative process on the state of my soul. And after hearing nerd girl knowing that her bf was talking to his mom about her, just brought it to the forefront of my mind.
    Your posts are so difficult to follow, I have no idea what you are even trying ask.

    Heres a strange and new idea: people aren't robots following their chosen mbti god.

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