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  1. #11
    ThatGirl
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    Alright. I doubt I am an ENTP but I have dated a lot of them. Where you messed up with this guy is that you brought the option of a relationship to him. Whether it was because you cared more, you flat out said it, that is exactly the feeling he got. The problem with this is that ETP types are kind of screwed (generalization) when it comes to knowing how they actually feel.

    When they feel something for someone they go for it 100%. When the option becomes theirs prematurely (you care more) they tend to roller coaster with their feelings, never settling into one complete stance.

    Sounds to me like this has already happened with your guy, and I am sorry to say that it wont stop until a resolution has been made. The shitty part is, that all the time it takes for them to actually make a resolution, there is so much negative emotion associated with the relationship, it is going to be that you part ways. Logically speaking, that is the only thing that makes sense.

    My advice? Start building up some good girl friends to take you out when the shit finally hits the fan, and know that when it finally does, there are less complicated relationships, with people who know how to care for you, out there.

    Good luck!

  2. #12
    A window to the soul
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    @ThatGirl: Love your post! I couldn't have said it better.

    @Bloubessie: For clarification...

    Quote Originally Posted by Bloubessie View Post
    One day he told me that I'm like his best friend, which was a huge compliment to me. He also said that there are only a few people in his life that he genuinely likes and I am one of them.
    I personally wouldn't say that to just anyone. That's why I said earlier that I believe he started out genuinely interested in you, but here's where your mouth gets you in trouble...

    As the days went on and we spent nights together, my feelings began to kick in. I told him that I might have a crush on him and he was pretty indifferent about it.
    Uh oh, here comes trouble.


    And the games begin:

    I didn't kiss him back though.
    Why?

    At this point, I started to think that he might feel something too, but I wasn't and still am not sure about this. I asked him:“What we are?“
    Not cool. You just started dating.

    The next day, he called me and I only went there because I was planning to end this thing between us. I felt used and manipulated, at the same time I didn't want to end this thing between us at all. Why? Because being with him is amazing.
    Why would you feel used and manipulated? You were a willing participant to sleep with him right after his recent breakup. Maybe I'm misunderstanding your English.

    But.... I have hard times understanding him and I didn't want my feelings to develop further because he already confused me with his acting.
    You've only been dating 1-month. What did I miss?

    As I went there, I was still pissed inside and rejected all his touches. I told him to stop and he sat next to me. At this point, I felt pretty inarticulate until he asked me „What's wrong?“
    You said you have strong Fe, what happened?

    I love you at one moment and I hate you the next. It hurts.“
    The poor guy just came out of a relationship, so you start dating him and right away you open the flood gates.

    What did you expect?

    What surprised me even more was the tear he shed.
    I'm not convinced he was shedding that tear for you. Do you think he was missing his ex-girlfriend?

    I finally told him:“Perhaps we shouldn't be more than friends.“
    Oh, come on! Was that necessary?

    Seemed like he was fine with my decision.
    What the heck are you doing? This is where I say you're playing games. I can only imagine he's ready to run at this point.

    he fell in a thought and said:“I would like to be with you, but when I think about it my logic kicks in and it's hard really. I will be gone by the end of this summer and long-distance relationship wouldn't work out. You're really lovely, funny, sincere, beautiful girl, you have amazing taste in music and you're one of the kind person and I really wish you will find someone great someday.“
    And there ya go! I'd be willing to bet he meant every word of that. That's what *real* Fe looks like. Anything that happens after that is just good times between friends.

    Okay, I'm out!... : D

  3. #13
    ThatGirl
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  4. #14
    A window to the soul
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    Did anyone read her post?

  5. #15
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    There's a sorry lack of breasts in here.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
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    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  6. #16
    ThatGirl
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    Did anyone read her post?
    Lol, I read it. I see both your side and hers. I am loling at how "your side" your side is. It brings much nostalgia.

    ETPs have a reel in reel out effect. Chances are (and this is demonstrated in her post) that when she pulls away he pulls closer. When she comes in, he backs off.

    I really don't think she is necessarily to blame.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    Lol, I read it. I see both your side and hers. I am loling at how "your side" your side is. It brings much nostalgia.

    ETPs have a reel in reel out effect. Chances are (and this is demonstrated in her post) that when she pulls away he pulls closer. When she comes in, he backs off.

    I really don't think she is necessarily to blame.
    I see you didn't read my responses re approach/avoidance dance.
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson
    “Culture?” says Paul McCartney. “This isn't culture. It's just a good laugh.”

  8. #18
    Senior Member redcheerio's Avatar
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    To me, it sounds like both people in this "relationship" are confused.

    On one hand, it sounds like he really does have feelings for you, but I don't think it would be a good idea for you to get your hopes up because he has already made the decision that he doesn't want a long-distance relationship.

    So I think he is confusing to you because you can see that he is torn and that he does have feelings for you, but you're hoping you can continue in a long distance relationship, and he said he didn't want that.

    It also sounds like you have stronger feelings for him than he does for you (it probably takes him longer, and he is deliberately holding back because he knows he's leaving), so it's probably best to either accept it for what it is and move on when he leaves, or get out now to lessen the inevitable hurt.

    I would recommend being as honest and straightforward with him as you can, but without making him feel trapped. Just let him know that you have strong feelings for him already, but you know you're going to get hurt because he's leaving.

    Hopefully he has enough integrity that he wouldn't make empty promises to get you to keep sleeping with him until he leaves. (There are guys who would do that, especially young selfish ones.)

  9. #19
    A window to the soul
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    @redcheerio: This topic touched a nerve. Y'all are a lot nicer than I am.

    @mal12345: I read your response and thought it was good.

  10. #20
    Senior Member redcheerio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    @redcheerio: This topic touched a nerve. Y'all are a lot nicer than I am.
    Haha, thanks. How did it touch a nerve? Have you been in a similar situation in the past?

    I think with dating, there is a lot of confusion, and when people are confused, they feel like the other person is playing games when really the other person is just as confused. It's just that there's so much potential for bliss on the one hand, countered by so much potential for hurt, that it creates a lot of neuroticism and confusion as people can't decide whether to risk everything in hopes of getting to the bliss, or whether to withdraw and protect themselves from getting hurt.

    But, I dunno , I'm just pulling it out of my butt


    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    @mal12345: I read your response and thought it was good.
    I thought so, too.

    I thought all the responses were good, including yours, in that people were giving their honest opinions based on their perspectives, and multiple perspectives are always useful.

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