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[INTP] How Can I Win the Love of an INTP Guy?

I Never Find Peace

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May 21, 2011
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xNFP
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INTP guys, how best to create that romantic spark in your heart? Bonus points if you can tell me how a girl who you never would have thought of as your type made you feel that way.
 

MacGuffin

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xkcd
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9w1
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sx/sp
You can't create it, you can't fake it, but you might have to be the one to ask him out. INTPs can be oblivious.
 

INTPness

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INTP guys, how best to create that romantic spark in your heart? Bonus points if you can tell me how a girl who you never would have thought of as your type made you feel that way.

Creating romantic spark =/= winning my heart. 2 different things. Romantic spark is loads of fun and certainly gets the wheels rolling in the right direction, but the INTP is going to make his final decision with Ti. Does it work for all parties involved? Do I make her better, does she make me better? Do we enhance each other's lives or are there a lot of disagreements and problems? Would it be really great to have this person in my life for the next 40, 50, 80 years or would I be happier on my own?

There is no formula for all of those questions. It either is...or it isn't. And if you are not yourself, then "it isn't" - because the answers to these questions should be based on your true self and him seeing a true representation of who you are. Just like MacGuffin said, you truly cannot fake it or create it artificially. It is, or it is not.
 

rav3n

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Feed and water them, leave them alone to grow on their own, grooming is optional.
 

Mad Hatter

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INTP
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-1w
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sp/sx
You can't create it, you can't fake it, but you might have to be the one to ask him out. INTPs can be oblivious.

That is a very sound piece of advice. Sometimes I'm surprised at myself how talkative I can get when somebody approaches me, but it's all about making the first move. It's something I wish more girls would have done since I've had a very hard time usually making the first move, but it's still kinda the social convention that it's supposed to be the guy's job.

Also, with INTPs there's loads under the surface most people don't see unless directly interacting with them, and sometimes we come across as aloof, or even downright arrogant. We guys are not exactly known for being overly expressive and like MacGuffin said, we can be oblivious, and in a lot of ways. At least in my case, this aloofness can also be a protection mechanism - I don't approach other people because I don't want to be rejected, which sometimes comes across as "I don't talk to you because I don't like you", sadly enough. If you approach him instead, you take make it a lot more relaxing for him.
 

INTPness

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Feed and water them, leave them alone to grow on their own, grooming is optional.

Hahaha. You seem to have some experience with these mythical INTP creatures. Do you?
 

rav3n

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Hahaha. You seem to have some experience with these mythical INTP creatures. Do you?
My last three relationships were with INTPs so you might say I do have some cursory exposure. :smile:

And cursory they were since to get to know an INTP, takes a lifetime. :tongue:
 

INTPness

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My last three relationships were with INTPs so you might say I do have some cursory exposure. :smile:

And cursory they were since to get to know an INTP, takes a lifetime. :tongue:

Likes and dislikes?
 

Rasofy

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5w6
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sp/sx
You can't create it, but let me give you some tips from the ''How to keep an INTP man happy'' that would help.
5.) Emotional. Be nice and do not screw with their heads. They can be sensitive. If you want something, ask for it. If you do not get all emotional and are willing to take no for an answer, they will usually try to accommodate any reasonable request. *hint* Socializing with large (or sometimes even small) groups of people for extended periods of time is not a reasonable request. This is normal behavior, not something you need to fix. It is not personal. If you like to socialize a lot, you have two choices: be willing to leave him at home with some cold pizza and his computer or find a different guy.

These guys *need* to feel smart and competent. If you attack them in this area, if you try to make them feel stupid or incompetent, you lose some serious points.

Accept early on that he loves you but can't, repeat CAN'T read your mind. If you are always expecting him to do things that he didn't know he was supposed to do and if you keep getting mad at him for not doing things that he didn't know he was supposed to do (or not do) he will become bewildered and frustrated and will give up trying to please you. He will either come to only tolerate you or he will escape. Be please-able. When he does something nice, say thank you, even if it's not what you wanted or its a little weird. Having him want to do nice things for you is the important thing. You can work on the details later.

At some point, your rational INTP is going to show some emotion, maybe even "open up" to you. You are at a major points situation here. You can win a lot of points or you can lose even more. Revere this as the honor it is. The emotions are probably going to be undeveloped and may seem odd. Accept them, respect them, validate them. If you do, you will build his trust for you.
The guide is real, but most of the advices are for people that are already in a relationship with an INTP. It sometimes treates INTPs more like pets than humans but the advices are still quite useful, just take them with a grain of salt!
Source: http://homepage.mac.com/bahlberg/iblog/B1386252977/C707866389/E1956473041/index.html
 

rav3n

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Likes and dislikes?
Just a few quick and dirty thoughts.

Some upsides:
Fun knowledge seekers who understand space and independence. They also don't require a lot of validation and aren't overly-sensitive. Are logical.

Some downsides:
Get needy and possessive if they believe you're withdrawing and yet withdrawal is their standard MO. They also expect openness from you but take forever to open themselves up.
 

INTPness

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Jan 22, 2009
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5w4
You can't create it, but let me give you some tips from the ''How to keep an INTP man happy'' that would help.

The guide is real, but most of the advices are for people that are already in a relationship with an INTP. It sometimes treates INTPs more like pets than humans but the advices are still quite useful, just take them with a grain of salt!
Source: http://homepage.mac.com/bahlberg/iblog/B1386252977/C707866389/E1956473041/index.html

Haha. That is hilarous!!! We are very complex, but yet at the same time so very simple. Just say what you need/want and that's it. Leave us alone with our cold pizza and that's it. How much simpler can it get? Haha.
 

INTPness

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Just a few quick and dirty few thoughts.

Some upsides:
Fun knowledge seekers who understand space and independence. They also don't require a lot of validation and aren't overly-sensitive. Are logical.

Some downsides:
Get needy and possessive if they believe you're withdrawing and yet withdrawal is their standard MO. They also expect openness from you but take forever to open themselves up.

Cool. Wanna get married? You ENTJ's like decisiveness, right? Let's just do it and we'll work out the details later (i.e., getting to know each other, etc.). My schedule is pretty open in September - that work for you? :D
 

rav3n

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Cool. Wanna get married? You ENTJ's like decisiveness, right? Let's just do it and we'll work out the details later (i.e., getting to know each other, etc.). My schedule is pretty open in September - that work for you? :D
:laugh: Whoah, you've seriously embraced your inner Je if you're prescheduling for September!
 

rav3n

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I feel rejected. I'm going to withdraw now. Remember the turtle picture? Yeah.
There was no rejection, just teasing about how using prescheduling and INTP in one sentence, is an oxymoron!

Forgiven? :(

*crickets chirping*
 

INTPness

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There was no rejection, just teasing about how using prescheduling and INTP in one sentence, is an oxymoron!

Forgiven? :(

*crickets chirping*

Oh, cool. The wedding is back on then. First Saturday in September. All forum members invited. And this is how the INTP is won.
 

rav3n

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Oh, cool. The wedding is back on then. First Saturday in September. All forum members invited. And this is how the INTP is won.
Wouldn't you prefer a smaller wedding, something very low key just a couple of witnesses?

(Helpful?)
 

INTPness

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Wouldn't you prefer a smaller wedding, something very low key just a couple of witnesses?

(Helpful?)

Oh man, now I'm confused by all the different options. Ne is throwing all these options at me: huge celebratory wedding, small intimate wedding, Europe, U.S., overlooking the ocean, on an old battlefield, etc. Decisions, decisions. I'm feeling overwhelmed. Might have to retreat back into Ti and analyze this a little further. You only get hitched once. Gotta make sure I get this right. *beginning to waver*
 

rav3n

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Oh man, now I'm confused by all the different options. Ne is throwing all these options at me: huge celebratory wedding, small intimate wedding, Europe, U.S., overlooking the ocean, on an old battlefield, etc. Decisions, decisions. I'm feeling overwhelmed. Might have to retreat back into Ti and analyze this a little further. You only get hitched once. Gotta make sure I get this right. *beginning to waver*
Oh fine!

*stomps foot and huffs away*
 
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