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  1. #1
    Senior Member Hera's Avatar
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    Default "Ignoring" Friends

    I don't know what it is, but lately I've been ignoring my friends and sort of moving around different groups of people. I have periods where I like some people a lot and then I need to move away from that friendship for a bit and talk to other people etc. It doesn't mean I'm less of a friends to them, I just need time away. I need to switch it up, if you will. Aside from my consistent few (very few), everyone is part of my friend carousel.

    But not everyone understands. I've been called a bad friend by some people for "ignoring" them. I don't know how to explain what's going on in my head so I just actually ignore them when they ask me things. I don't think I've even been this extreme about it, though I've always been this way.

    Anyone know what this is like or am I just a horrible person who should feel bad for not being interested in what people ate for lunch last Tuesday?

  2. #2
    Don't pet me. JAVO's Avatar
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    I do this too. I've always attributed it to Ne and exploring possibilities and new perspectives. I try to make friends who have a similar perspective, or who at least won't mind my absences. I also try to explain my preference and reasons to new friends so that they don't interpret my lack of communication negatively.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hera View Post
    Anyone know what this is like or am I just a horrible person who should feel bad for not being interested in what people ate for lunch last Tuesday?
    I'm usually not even interested in what I'm eating for lunch today! I point this out if anyone seems offended at my disinterest. My manager, project manager, and I were talking, and the conversation shifted to something I was passionately disinterested in. I interrupted and stated, "This is starting to really bore me, so I'm going back to work. " Then, I walked away as they laughed at my comment.

  3. #3
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    I ignore friends too. It gets worse when they continue to bug me about hanging out after I've made it clear I don't want too. They just text and text.

  4. #4
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JAVO View Post
    My manager, project manager, and I were talking, and the conversation shifted to something I was passionately disinterested in. I interrupted and stated, "This is starting to really bore me, so I'm going back to work. " Then, I walked away as they laughed at my comment.
    Oh, if only!!! I often get bored with conversation, but I would never say that.. I'd probably just find some excuse to leave / end social engagement, or I just sit there and start zoning out and not paying much attention.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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    Senior Member InTheFlesh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    Oh, if only!!! I often get bored with conversation, but I would never say that.. I'd probably just find some excuse to leave / end social engagement, or I just sit there and start zoning out and not paying much attention.
    If you bore me, this happens.
    People think I'm a bit slow simply because I stop paying attention to them accidentally and miss half of what they say.

  6. #6
    Intergalactic Badass mujigay's Avatar
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    Hmmm....I've developed a bad habit of kind of "door slamming" people I'm not interested in talking to, who never seem to take the hint.
    I can also doorslam former friends, who did something awful, and passed the point of discussion and negotiation.
    Basically, if I don't want to talk to someone, I cut all ties. I won't even pick up the phone and tell you I have to go somewhere. I will ignore the phone, ignore the emails, delete the texts.
    It's stupid, and passive-aggresive, but I can't help it. It's my default mode of dealing with difficult people.

  7. #7
    Senior Member InTheFlesh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mujigay View Post
    Hmmm....I've developed a bad habit of kind of "door slamming" people I'm not interested in talking to, who never seem to take the hint.
    I can also doorslam former friends, who did something awful, and passed the point of discussion and negotiation.
    Basically, if I don't want to talk to someone, I cut all ties. I won't even pick up the phone and tell you I have to go somewhere. I will ignore the phone, ignore the emails, delete the texts.
    It's stupid, and passive-aggresive, but I can't help it. It's my default mode of dealing with difficult people.
    When it was admitted to be stupid and passive-aggressive I stopped being critical of the actions, although that's probably pretty stupid.

  8. #8
    Phantonym
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    You shouldn't feel bad about other people's expectations for you. You're not a horrible person. Otherwise you wouldn't be bothered by or worried/care about things like these.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hera View Post
    I have periods where I like some people a lot and then I need to move away from that friendship for a bit and talk to other people etc. It doesn't mean I'm less of a friends to them, I just need time away.
    Have you tried explaining that (the bolded especially) to your friends as well? Sometimes people just take things too personally and hold grudges even when you try to explain things to them.

    I don't know how to explain what's going on in my head so I just actually ignore them when they ask me things.
    Well, how about just saying that you don't know how to explain what's going on in your head? You can try to assure them that it doesn't make you less of a friend to them or maybe that you will explain things to them some time in the future once you've figured it out for yourself.

  9. #9
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    If that makes you a horrible person, I don't want to know what I am.

    Anyway, the truth of it all is that INTP's don't really do well on a consistent basic in a large group of friends, unless they are all similarly introverted and unbothered by occasional lapses of distantiation.. I myself have never had more then 3 or so people in my rl circle, of which 1 is like the main attraction and the others are like sidedishes. It's just how my focus works, plus, I don't feel the need to have many friends unlike some types do.

    Anyways, I've never been good at 'keeping' a friend close. Mostly due to the fact I can't go out in weekends anymore for the past few years due to my job. Or at least, before that occupation I regularly went out with a friend or two.. Even though there are some people I still call friends, I don't hang out or even contact them regularly anymore. But! they are at least the type of people that, should I feel the need or have the need for them, I could contact them. So they are like the perfect friends for INTP's. I truely feel blessed. :>

    But from outsider perspective, I would probably seem pretty friendless. :P
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  10. #10
    Senior Member Hera's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phantonym View Post
    You shouldn't feel bad about other people's expectations for you. You're not a horrible person. Otherwise you wouldn't be bothered by or worried/care about things like these.



    Have you tried explaining that (the bolded especially) to your friends as well? Sometimes people just take things too personally and hold grudges even when you try to explain things to them.



    Well, how about just saying that you don't know how to explain what's going on in your head? You can try to assure them that it doesn't make you less of a friend to them or maybe that you will explain things to them some time in the future once you've figured it out for yourself.
    Some people just don't understand. My ENFP friend doesn't back off no matter how many times I tell him to leave me alone and that I need time to think. He'll say "I know you said you're upset, and that you don't want to talk, but..." Just. No. Leave me alone, I will come to you.

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