I have been in a relationship with an INTP for 6 months. I am an ISFP. Obviously we are going to have some communication differences. There has been little disclosure on his part about his past. I also haven't disclosed much, but it seems like we do it in spurts a little at a time. He is a self professed loner type. I on the other hand prefer having lots of communication. He is fine to go a few days without talking. In the past when this happens my feelings are usually hurt because I feel like he doesnt want to talk to me or maybe just doesnt think about me. He has explained in the past that with his job, he puts everything else aside and does nothing but concentrate on the task at hand. That he would probably not think about his daughter during the day if he didn't have a picture of her in his office. So this apparently carries over into daily life as well. I trust him completely so I don't think that he is cheating or anything like that.
A couple weeks ago, we went a Thursday and Friday without talking. I told him my feelings were hurt, which caused an arguement. He wanted to know how I felt when he went out of state for work for a week and we didn't talk because he didn't have any cell reception. I told him that I understood, though he sent me a message every day on facebook. He then preceeds to tell me that he could go a week without talking to someone. After a few more minutes of arguing he tells me that the next time I'm over his direction I should just call him and we would exchange our stuff back. I told him that I only wanted to be with him. He said that he didn't think it would work out because I was expecting more communication from him than he could give because of other obligations. I have told him all along that even a simple text saying "hey its a busy day. talk to you tomorrow," would suffice. Anyways...we broke up and that Thursday he texted and asked if I could talk. He said he missed me and we decided to meet up the next day. When I went over, after I walked in the door he turned around and held me for quite some time. We sat down and talked for hours. I asked him what he wanted and he kept saying he didn't know. I made it clear that I wanted to be with him. Eventually he asked me if I would be with him and I told him that I was with him and have been. We both agreed that it wouldn't be easy, but decided to give it another try.
So my question for all you INTP's is what is the best way to communicate and feel connected with out being overly clingy? I know there is going to have to be some compromise. Are there any books or articles out there about these types of relationships? I welcome any advice or opinions. Thanks for reading.