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  1. #1
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    Question NT romance: general inquiry

    I did a search in this forum for thread titles containing the word 'romance' & all the threads were by people who belong in this forum. As an outsider, I would like to make the first outsider-thread about romance in this forum.

    I sort of have a problem with relationships because it's difficult for me to continuously have new things to talk about with people unless they have a weird kind of intellectual bent. Sort of a zany element of inquisitiveness.

    But, the people (women) I always connect best with in terms of chemistry are the expressive touchy-feely, sensitive types. My girlfriend of 3-&-a-half years I'm pretty sure was ISFJ, & most other girls I've been with or even AROUND for an extended time are probably Feeling types.

    It makes sense because my feelings are strong, but I can't express them except in music or writing because they're too weird & fragmented. If I ever talk about them I use the easiest, dumbest, most obvious terms because I feel like it would damage the people I'm usually around if I told them everything.

    So (having learned about the MBTI system a few months ago), I think I need to cultivate more Thinking-based relationships in my life. But the problem is that romance is very important to me. Truthfully, it's far more important than almost everything else. Intelligence & intuitive understanding & so on are nearly completely subsidiary to it, as far as I'm concerned, & I start feeling like I'm decaying or dwindling away inside if I go for a while without it.

    For example, after my girlfriend & I broke up, even though I was heartbroken I was immediately going out & trying to find girls to have romantic times with. & you think I mean sex by that, since that's what it would seem to mean, but actually since I was grieving I didn't even care about sex, all I wanted was romance (whatever that might be....).

    That was in early 2010. Right now I've barely done anything social in about 6 months, just working & going home, gettin my superior-league hermit on.

    So, I'm just wondering what NT romance is like. What are your concepts of it, how do you approach it? Is it important to you? Do you notice yourself changing if you go without it? etc.

  2. #2
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    NT to NT romance is fitting tab A into slot B. At this point we give each other mutual shocks, recharge, detach and wander off.

  3. #3
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    What a disgusting metaphor!

  4. #4
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FunnyDigestion View Post
    What a disgusting metaphor!
    Really? What's wrong with it?

    *wanders off looking for slot*

  5. #5
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FunnyDigestion View Post
    What a disgusting metaphor!
    Metaphor's not disgusti-oh.



  6. #6
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    Electricity is gross.

  7. #7
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I'd like to answer but could you explain what romance means for you first of all ? You said its not about intuitive understanding or intelligence and its not about sex. Fill that gap for me
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  8. #8
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FunnyDigestion View Post
    I did a search in this forum for thread titles containing the word 'romance' & all the threads were by people who belong in this forum. As an outsider, I would like to make the first outsider-thread about romance in this forum.

    I sort of have a problem with relationships because it's difficult for me to continuously have new things to talk about with people unless they have a weird kind of intellectual bent. Sort of a zany element of inquisitiveness.

    But, the people (women) I always connect best with in terms of chemistry are the expressive touchy-feely, sensitive types. My girlfriend of 3-&-a-half years I'm pretty sure was ISFJ, & most other girls I've been with or even AROUND for an extended time are probably Feeling types.

    It makes sense because my feelings are strong, but I can't express them except in music or writing because they're too weird & fragmented. If I ever talk about them I use the easiest, dumbest, most obvious terms because I feel like it would damage the people I'm usually around if I told them everything.

    So (having learned about the MBTI system a few months ago), I think I need to cultivate more Thinking-based relationships in my life. But the problem is that romance is very important to me. Truthfully, it's far more important than almost everything else. Intelligence & intuitive understanding & so on are nearly completely subsidiary to it, as far as I'm concerned, & I start feeling like I'm decaying or dwindling away inside if I go for a while without it.

    For example, after my girlfriend & I broke up, even though I was heartbroken I was immediately going out & trying to find girls to have romantic times with. & you think I mean sex by that, since that's what it would seem to mean, but actually since I was grieving I didn't even care about sex, all I wanted was romance (whatever that might be....).

    That was in early 2010. Right now I've barely done anything social in about 6 months, just working & going home, gettin my superior-league hermit on.

    So, I'm just wondering what NT romance is like. What are your concepts of it, how do you approach it? Is it important to you? Do you notice yourself changing if you go without it? etc.
    This is very interesting to me. I see romance as an important element (and certainly an enjoyable element), but I'm even more interested in things like loyalty, trust, and a feeling of "we're in this together". Being best friends, partners in crime. If I can, I want to enhance your life and make your life better and happier, support you in the things/endeavors that are important to you (whether it be hobbies, career-wise, or other) and hopefully I can get the same exact thing in return. I want us to be the ultimate support system for one another - to literally enhance each other's lives. But, also, I want us to be complete and happy as individual people. People that *desperately need* someone in order to be happy are going to eventually suck the life out of the other person with their expectations and trying to have all their needs met by that person (impossible). There's a saying that "if you're not able to be completely happy as an individual, then you're not yet ready to marry". You'll do more damage than good.

    With that said, Jenaphor makes a great point. If you have "strength A" and "A" is my weakness, then we're going to be a more well-rounded couple. If my "strength B" helps you out and makes you better, then you're going to be that much more happy. One person might bring care and compassion. The other person brings inner strength. It's mutually beneficial. So, even though it sounds very NT-ish (robotic?), there's utility in that. If your strengths and my strengths (tab A into slot B) can make us each happier, then it works out really, really well. If we're both really good in the same areas and both really weak in the same areas, then it's just going to be like having an identical twin following you around. What can you add to my life and what can I add to yours? How can you make my life better and how can I make yours better? Utility, but also love. It's both.

    And if all that stuff lines up, then maybe we haz da babiez.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  9. #9
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    I'd like to answer but could you explain what romance means for you first of all ? You said its not about intuitive understanding or intelligence and its not about sex. Fill that gap for me
    it contains all of those things... as well as anything else you want to bring in. i don't know, it just involves everything that is important to me about life, everything beautiful... two people who are separate & then come together for however much time & are changed however much by their contact with something outside their own individual self-- when you think about it everything in nature ultimately follows that same pattern of two things impacting or coming into each other, growing & moving life forward.. it's like a fun, moving, roller-coaster like, emotional, deep, great thing, that extends tentacle-like in all directions. think about music. how many songs are about love? or if not love, 'love & related issues'. & i try to always follow the musicians, so there you go....

  10. #10
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    I imagine the difference can be found with what intpness said, I see it as a partnership. I think romance immediately creates an unbalanced relationship and if for some reason that romance were to die out, so would a critical part of that relationships survival mechanism. That being said romance is an evolutionary way to prolong our seed so... Yeah, it's a fine line.

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